Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

Is my oldest friend a narcissist??

40 replies

Aghhhhhhhhhh · 30/12/2020 18:11

So recently me and my oldest friend have fallen out because she tested positive for covid and could of potentially given it to myself and my family (we all came back negative) she is a carer and has a severely vulnerable family member and she had been staying at said family members house unnecessarily so cue alot of panic has ensued, now my friend had been helping another of her friends who had covid (claims she only left things at the door but this is questionable) but she blames the vulnerable children she works with (private carer) for giving her covid. After I basically called her out on her lies and how she's put lots of people at risk she's basically played the victim and sobbed to her husband and now he's had a go at me 🤦‍♀️ if she wasn't so inconsiderate no one would of said anything but she literally does what she wants regardless of what people tell her.

Abit of back story, I've known her going on 20 years, she's always been very argumentitive and stubborn, she will take any opportunity to pull Google out and try and prove you wrong on ANY subject (literally) she will argue til she's blue in the face that's she's right and everyone else is wrong even when facts have been shown to her. Funnily enough Google is wrong when it doesn't side with her, she will cry the second anyone has a harsh/serious tone with her so that everyone feels guilty for daring to be annoyed with her. She judges everyone so harshly yet she is so far from perfect it's crazy. She will pull up irrelevant things in an argument to essentially batter them over the head with (mentally) for example I brought up the covid thing and she started kicking off about a time when me and my partner werent getting along very well.

I'm actually sick of her and her behaviours, she makes me feel constantly on edge and like I've done something wrong all the time. Claims she cares about me but hasn't really been there for me when I've needed her.
Aibu to think she's a narcissistic person and I'm better of cutting her out of my life?

OP posts:

JustFrustrated · 30/12/2020 18:13

Obviously you are. It hardly sounds like you like her.

And you can catch Covid anywhere so trying to tell her where she got it from seems pretty dim.

Aprilx · 30/12/2020 18:18

What? You had a go at your friend because she got covid.

YABU. To be honest, you are not making much sense.

Original poster

Aghhhhhhhhhh · 30/12/2020 18:19

I didn't tell her where she got it from she told me explicitly that it was from the children she looks after who are incredibly vulnerable, she also admitted to helping her friend out who had covid so it doesn't really take a scientist to work out where she's caught it from....

OP posts:

Original poster

Aghhhhhhhhhh · 30/12/2020 18:22

I had a go at her for potentially giving my family covid when if certain members of my family catch it they will end up on a ventilator and most likely not survive. I had a go at her as well because she put her own clinically vulnerable family member at risk and the young clinically vulnerable children she works with at risk. What you don't understand is that she is someone who will do whatever she wants and not give a damn about any implications that follow. If she was a carer to your own DC I imagine you wouldn't be happy with her behaviour, especially if you found out she was blaming your children for it and telling people all the details about your children (which is a different thread)

OP posts:

Winterwoollies · 30/12/2020 18:28

After I basically called her out on her lies and how she's put lots of people at risk she's basically played the victim and sobbed to her husband and now he's had a go at me

But you don’t know she’s lying. You suspect she’s lying.

It sounds like you don’t like her very much at all anyway.

Original poster

Aghhhhhhhhhh · 30/12/2020 18:35

@Winterwoollies she is a compulsive liar, having known her for 20 years I can tell you that the story she gave me isnt the truth. I've caught her out many many times over the years with lies that it makes it harder and harder to believe a word of what she says.

Everyone assumes I don't like her but that's so far from the truth, i do like her but as Ive got older and less inclined to live my life with so much drama all the time, I find myself wondering why I've put up with it for as many years as I have done. She quite frequently tears me down when I've achieved something positive and it's been like that since high school. I guess I idolised her at one point.

OP posts:

MinnieMD · 30/12/2020 18:39

So your friend knew she was positive and then saw your family?

PawPawNoodle · 30/12/2020 18:40

I have no idea if she's a narcissist at all and no one with any sense would assess her as so based on your clearly biased views.

What I can say however is that you seem very aggressive and resentful of her. I've no idea how you can go from 'she's a compulsive liar' and 'she does whatever she wants and doesn't give a damn about the implications' to 'I do like her'. I'd never speak about anyone I claim to like in that way.

MeredithGreysScalpel · 30/12/2020 18:40

How could she have potentially given it to you?

EveryDayIsADuvetDay · 30/12/2020 18:44

recent covid issues aside, from your post you don't seem to like her much anyway - why have you kept the 'friendship' going for so long?

TreadLightly3 · 30/12/2020 18:44

She sounds awful. I think you know what the right actions are now that you’ve realised how far from positive it is being friends with her.

Winterwoollies · 30/12/2020 18:46

[quote Aghhhhhhhhhh]@Winterwoollies she is a compulsive liar, having known her for 20 years I can tell you that the story she gave me isnt the truth. I've caught her out many many times over the years with lies that it makes it harder and harder to believe a word of what she says.

You sound like you dislike her, according to you she doesn’t have very many good qualities anyway, why are you asking MN whether you should cut her out?

If you’re hoping for people to back you up and pile on to make you feel better, they may well not do that because of the biased nature of your post.

Orf1abc · 30/12/2020 18:47

You come across as lacking in empathy, stubborn and resistant to any difference in opinion. Are you a narcissist OP?

katy1213 · 30/12/2020 18:49

You clearly don't like her - so why drag out this charade of friendship?

1FootInTheRave · 30/12/2020 18:49

She sounds a right nob head

I wouldn't maintain a friendship.

pictish · 30/12/2020 18:51

Having a go at someone to the point of falling out over COVID restrictions is daft. You have no way of knowing what the truth is so you may as well mind your own business.
She sounds pretty awful otherwise...like the friendship has run its course and you’ve outgrown the dynamic between you.

MiddleClassProblem · 30/12/2020 18:55

How did she put you at risk?

I don’t understand if you are protecting yourself and your family, how anything she does impacts you.

ColdemortReturns · 30/12/2020 19:00

As she's gone out of her way to help a friend with covid (whether leaving stuff at the door or not) is hardly suggestive that she's a narcissist. More suggestive that she's a kind and helpful friend...

Theunamedcat · 30/12/2020 19:10

She helped a friend who is positive for covid then came to see you putting your family at risk?

Yeah get rid i can't stand people who cry in self defence especially when they are wrong

thosetalesofunexpected · 30/12/2020 19:13

Hi Op
I get it,
Your Toxic friend sounds Like Head Fuck !!

Yes I think your friend could well be have Narassictic Personality Disorder.
She could well have other Personality disorders too.

Your long standing friend very emotionally manipulative/selfish person.

I have had the misfortune to come across a couple of people like your friend.

My advice is to fade this Toxic friendship out gradally.
Let this friendship fizzle out.

I know its bit difficult with lockdowns.
Focus more on connecting with postive better friends than her.

Than current very negative friendship.

focus more on connecting with friends who are much better emotionally for you.

Whythesadface · 30/12/2020 19:14

I see it as you have finally snapped at someone who lied a lot.
Back away, and if you do have to mix with her call her on every lie or nasty word.
I often now say "Did you just mean to be so rude!" There is a certain joy in the shock on their face when they realise your not going to roll over anymore.

LadyTiredWinterBottom2 · 30/12/2020 19:19

Why are you still friends with her?

Beautiful3 · 30/12/2020 19:19

You're angry with her because she caught covid 19, and shes not sure where from?! You sound horrible.

Original poster

Aghhhhhhhhhh · 30/12/2020 19:29

To those who understand what I'm trying to say thank you!! I'm not very good at articulating words when I'm trying to explain things for which I apologise. I have had 20 years of dealing with lies and drama and admittedly it wasn't all bad there's been times she's been like a sister to me we were very close once upon a time as kids but now as adults she is just so overbearing with her opinions and facts (whether right or wrong) that she insists she is always right, the last few years have mainly been me backing down/agreeing with everything she says/does because she either starts crying to manipulate me or she starts to get argumentative. I've helped her through her darkest days and she hasn't really been there for me as a friend should of been she let's me vent to her but then she twists it and uses it against me when I don't agree with her. She constantly brings up my mistakes it's almost like she's kept a log of them, she has no tact and even her husband has tried to get her to work on that he too just agrees with her now for an easy life and they've only been together 5 years! Looking back into everything she's even been horrible to my eldest child and made him feel like he's unwelcome in his own home when she's been around in the past. She's always made me feel like I need her, but now I feel like I'm waking up to the lies, the toxic behaviour she does and the holier than thou attitude she has. The thing is she's so good at manipulation that you don't realise until you're in too deep and then it's a struggle to get out. She's the only friend I have left from school (everyone else moved/drifted apart the usual stuff) and I guess I didn't want to lose that one last piece of my childhood but Im really struggling to cope with her vile words and how she behaves, she hates my partner (she's hated every partner I've ever had) and makes it so awkward to be around her when my partner is home. She will go out of her way to help someone but that isn't out of kindness its so you are in her debt. I'm sorry if I come across as uncaring because I'm actually a real caring person but I feel so angry and used now I've woken up to the lies and the toxicity that follows her.

OP posts:

CoronaIsADick · 30/12/2020 19:38

Did she know she was positive when she put your family at risk? Also how did she put your family at risk? We aren't supposed to be mixing households so if you met up with her etc then surely the onus was/is on you to protect your family by not having contact with someone, particularly when they work ssomewhere they are potentially more likely to come into contact with covid?

Flip

1 2