Sorry for the personal question but I’m genuinely curious. I’ve been married for 13 years. We have 4 dc, dd 17, ds 16, ds 5 and ds 10 months old. Ds5 has sleep apnea and is awaiting an operation to remove his tonsils and adenoids and his tonsils kiss and he wakes up several times a night from not being able to breathe. He was due his operation last July but due to Covid it has been postponed until March. He sleeps in bed with us due to his condition.
5 weeks ago my nephew (dh family) got kicked out of his house due to a relationship break up and is currently staying in our dining room on a sofa bed until he finds suitable accommodation.
Dh works night shift 5 nights a week, I work 5 days a week 8 to 5pm, including alternative weekends. I returned to work from maternity leave in November.
Dh informed me this morning that there is no point in us remaining married as we don’t have sex as often as he would like. We last had sex on Christmas Eve so only 4 days ago. He worked Boxing Day and 27th, and 28th night shift. I worked 27th and 28th day shift. With it being Christmas and the dc being home from school, and dn residing in our dining room, there has been next to no privacy.
Before Christmas we was averaging sex maybe twice or 3 times a month, privacy is always an issue with the house being so full and ds being in our room. Lockdown made things worse as dc home all day and especially as teenagers are up later at night. I’ve had to be creative and find snippets of time. I admit it’s hardly romantic, but I do try to find time and ways to get privacy.
My husband is a naturally negative person and is always glass half empty. He loves to have something to moan about and his life is always worse than anyone else’s. However I feel like his latest outburst is a step too far. I explained that I am not a performing monkey, and sometimes I don’t feel like having sex when I’ve run around cooking and cleaning for 7 people all day while he’s sat around moping with a face like a slapped arse. But apparently he married me because he wanted a relationship where sex was the most important thing and making a man feel wanted should be my priority. Apparently I am causing his mental health to decline because we only average sex 3 times a month.
I do try to be affectionate in other ways, for example I will give him a kiss and a cuddle when he wakes up and make him a coffee. I always text him and tell him I love him before I go to bed when he’s on night shift. I try to make him his favourite meals and watch his favourite programs on tv etc, etc.