Tryin to keep this short but its difficult. Name changed obviously.
My sister and I are no contact for years. She tormented and abused me growing up.
Told many lies about me to our parents throughout my childhood and early adult life until I stopped contact.
We are complete opposites,always were.
She is introverted ,office job. Not very confident.
I have been to counselling for years for the damage she's done to me. She really is a nasty piece of work who appears lovely and quiet to everyone outside of her family.
Even in our adult life she physically attacked me,twice, when nobody was around and I wasn't believed for a long time as she'd done such a number on my parents convincing them I was never to be trusted. This affected my life greatly.
She seems highly embarrassed of where we come from and what my parents do for a living. She has adopted a new accent and has done everything she can to appear 'middle class'. She is extremely controlling and doesn't take the children to visit my parents very much.
When we do see the children the oldest child (7) is often very upset. We see her being tormented in some of the same ways I was. Child is controlled and micromanaged to the extreme.
Example..they were going to a birthday party after visiting us.
Niece (5 at the time) was sobbing uncontrollably because her mother had been shouting and berating her earlier for signing the card with a plus ( +) instead of a kiss ( x ) she kept angrily rubbing it out and telling the 5 year old child to do it again (I remember her doing this with me as a child when I was forced to ask her for help with homework- she'd shout at me like I was a learning disabled foreigner with little understanding of English)
she micromanages everything the child does including toys,play and food.
Child has two younger siblings who seem not to get the same abuse but perhaps thats because they are too young or are boys?
Child tenses up and is extremely nervous when her mum comes back for her she cries every time and recently was wailing ''she upsets me every day, why is she always upsetting me?'.... from a 7 year old..this was utterly heartbreaking to hear.
I understand kids do play up and can make us look like evil creatures sometimes!
but this is worrying.
Child is expected to do everything perfectly and only have interests in what her mother deems interesting. If child likes somthing else or does somthing childlike..her mother seems almost...embarrassed?! Child is an extension of mother and must be seen as perfect and intelligent at all times. My own mother is now very concerned and cries regularly worrying for her granddaughter.
My Parents cannot and will not say anything because they know they will see the children less than they do now so will absolutely not rock the boat. You cannot approach her with anything and she is very cold and will just ignore then take things away from you to punish you.
Sorry if I'm not making a lot of sense. I'm not even sure what I'm asking of mumsnet here. I'm just very worried and have been damaged incredibly by this woman I panic when I think of my niece being put through the same kind of treatment . We make sure there is no stress when we see the child alone, we make sure to praise her and tell her we love her but every time we see her ...its like her little spirit is broken more and more. We dont see the children enough to really have an impact on their lives. I worry a lot about what it's like in their home.
Does anyone have a similar story or advice for any part of this? I cant stop worrying about the future for this child.
Thank you if you've read til the end.