How do you stop people buying big useless stuff for your kids

[Godimabitch]

I know I'm being unreasonable and ungrateful.

Our baby isn't even born yet and has 4 teddies. Two are small and comforters and perfect for baby. But one person has given us two massive teddies, bigger than a 1yo baby. One of which is one on those with velcro on the back that fastens to a seatbelt, what am I meant to do with that for the next 6+ years until our child uses a seatbelt?! And is it even safe?

I really dont think there's any practical advice. We have the same issue with the dog, we do a combination of leaving stuff at theirs and throwing it away but that's alot easier with a dog, she doesn't ask to take stuff home and she chews things and rips them so it's the perfect excuse to bin them.

Is genuinely making me so anxious, hence even posting, just need to get it off my chest and be told I'm being a twat. We have a small nursery that I've worked really hard to decorate nicely. I really do not want it overflowing with cheap bulky teddies that dont get played with.

@ FreeBettyBoop why on earth would you put them in the skip? Stick them on fb or free cycle rather than land fill.

Thank you guys for the reassurance, I love that people love our baby but I really dont need or want stuff off people.

Loft is currently out of action and was the previous hiding spot for all the junk we were "gifted" then I'd throw it away once everyone had forgot about it. Same person gave us a set of scales, we already have a set, so now I have two, I dont need two. We've been buying mostly second hand and using reuseable nappies to reduce landfill and I could fill half my waste bin with stuff we dont need already. Baby is 5 months away.

I'm gonna have to leave it in babies wardrobe for ages taking up space until I can justify a cull definitely will take the route of leaving stuff behind at their house. And the stuff they bring to our house, I could take with us on our next visit for baby to play with while we're there and just leave it there?

I would actually be more concerned that being given some tat is making you anxious.
Surely most people would feel mildly irritated then dump it or donate to charity.
Try and be a bit more laid back, it will help when baby arrives.

@Fairyliz

I would actually be more concerned that being given some tat is making you anxious. Surely most people would feel mildly irritated then dump it or donate to charity. Try and be a bit more laid back, it will help when baby arrives.

Urgh Fairyliz. What a nasty thing to say! How dare you judge someone else's mental health triggers.

Just get rid, or if it's from Argos they will take it back no fuss. DD got five duplicates of the same thing one birthday, all from Argos. I took them back and got her a subscription instead

Why don't people try speaking to their relatives

Instead of hinting, getting annoyed, throwing away stuff, why don't you try a proper adult conversation where you say that you know they are being nice but please don't buy XYZ. Better still, tell them what they can buy. Then if they don't listen you are perfectly justified in doing what you want with unwanted gifts.

@scarletzebra I have definitely had the 'please stop buying crap' convo with my family. They continue because a) it annoys me and b) they think the kids deserve all this shite (cos I, the mean mum, won't let them have it). Once they are old enough to understand they have been given a gift it's very difficult to get the kids to part with it! Thus our house fills up with crap.

@Fairyliz I have an anxiety disorder. It is what it is, cant really just try and relax though. if they were small it wouldn't bother me so much, it's like I've planned the space and where things are going and it doesn't fit in with that and it's a panic that I'm going to have to change my plan because of it.

@ScarletZebra we have mentioned it, but I dont really feel like I can sit them down and say "look , you give us too much stuff, stop giving us junk." It just feels so rude. I tell them what they can buy, send the specific links, I thought I'd fixed it, they bought the things I asked for, then turned up with a massive box of additional stuff

Feel better having got it off my chest and knowing I wouldn't be evil to rehome the things that aren't suitable for our home. I'm going to roll this up tightly with tape and it shouldn't take up much space then I can deal with it later.

I wish I knew. I have two boys, and whilst I’m 100% grateful for anything they receive, I specifically said to everyone asking “what do they want this year?” That we wanted money/gift vouchers or experience days. I asked one set of grandparents to pay for a club that both children attend. They did not. I asked other relatives to please not buy toys and stuff but we would go on holiday abroad this summer for the first time, so could people please pop some money into a holiday fund - because my kids will love going on an airplane!

Yanbu. Often people forget that someone ends up having to sort through it all and it’s usually the mum.

Find your nearest baby bank or women refuge and see if there is anything that you could donate.

You just need to deal with it and make a judgement on whether you can get away with chucking (charity shopping) any items.

I put my kids teddies away the other day - there must have been 50/60.

Yanbu. Often people forget that someone ends up having to sort through it all and it’s usually the mum

I actually don't think sorting through it enters anyone's head. They forget they aren't the only person buying.

We do leave presents from grandparents, uncles and aunts at grandparents house, so they have things to play with there. I have given up having grown up conversations about not buying stuff with people, as they never listen. My kid wants a stick and a puddle never goes down well, but it's true! It's more about the buyer wanting to buy that what the actual child wants. I have started being more ruthless about giving to the charity shop sooner.

It's a gift. Etiquette says you should say "thank you" and be polite but there is no obligation on you to keep and use the item.

Just donate it to a charity shop or a organisation that assist families - babybank, refuge, respite centre, children's hospice etc.
Someone will like it but you don't so let the item live its fullest life by finding it a home where it will be used.

If anyone asks (and they rarely do actually, I think we fear it more than it happens) then say "it wasn't suitable for our needs but has gone to a home where it is used regularly" or just "child vomited on it and it couldn't be saved".

No you’re not being unreasonable, this drives me mad too. Getting rid of stuff is a massive job in itself. I don’t like sending stuff to landfill so everything we get given needs to be found a new home and it all takes time.

Politely say please don't buy too much/too big. We just do not have the space for it/it won't get used and will be a waste of money rather you spend you money on something needed, and direct them

About once every 3 months I have a huge clear out and send a load of crap off to charity (pre Covid anyway) the person who buys it never notices and never asks where it’s gone.

I used to feel guilty but have politely told them time and time again to stop buying things DD doesn’t need and they haven’t listened so it’s not my problem 🙃

A thread I can really understand. FIL got dd a massive lava lamp type thing. Total tat. He did get her what we'd asked to get but then came with that too!
MIL came with the biggest bag of tat. She also got what we'd asked to get but then had a repeat of a top that Dd already had and so much general crap it's unreal. I'm giving it a few days before throwing it all away. MIL will buy tat but also give money. FIL buys crap through the year which is no good and often either too young or too old for dd.

Following with interest as my unborn baby also got presents for Xmas One present was totally not my style, looked second hand (no tags on) and was for a tiny baby . I'm getting anxious too about people buying crap, I'm with you! I don't have a lot of possessions myself and I'm really eco friendly too, try my best to avoid plastic etc.

Tell that that you have no space and ask them to take them home with them and that your baby can enjoy them when he/she visits.

Just say your are allergic to dust mites.... so you are refusing all soft toys

Or just get rid of them! They won't ask

@TwoLeftSocksWithHoles

Just watching something on telly regarding airport security and it seems that sometimes large cuddly toys are used to transport drugs.

I suggest you 'de-construct' it and see what's inside, afterwards you can throw all the bits away. You can tell the person that gave it to your child that it was unavoidably destroyed during a routine drugs check at that you often undertake at house.

😂😂😂

Despite telling the pils I do not want teddy's or anything I haven't asked for specifically

My son currently has 34 teddies on his bed drives me bonkers!!!

Any way they very slowly get lost and given away....

Off to the charity shop it goes!

My mother did this and was really obnoxious about it when we asked her to stop. Basically, she said she wanted to do it so would carry on, regardless of how we felt. So I told her, any more shit that was brought into the house against my express wishes was being brought to the charity shop within 10 minutes, so she could see it being given away. And I did it. We were lucky in that we had a few charity shops within a 10 minutes walk from the house when the kids were little. She went mad when she saw the stuff being handed straight over! But she stopped. I do appreciate this is a real scorched earth policy and not one everyone would want to follow but as I said, my mother was really obnoxious about it so I felt no need to be polite.