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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Do I owe DH a thanks for this?

55 replies

Whatiswrongwithmykid · 28/12/2020 11:44

I just went to do the laundry and discovered the utility room roof has sprung a leak. It’s soaked the washing powder box which is stored on a shelf. I only discovered this when the box disintegrated as I took it down and spilt powder everywhere.
DH helped me clean up. As I was finishing hoovering it all he decided to go for a shower. He then got all sarcastic with me because I didn’t stop what I was doing to thank him for helping me clear up.
AIBU for this? I was still cleaning and I just see it as one of those domestic pita’s that we both sorted out. I don’t see it as something he needs special thanks for, anymore than I’ve had thanks for doing the laundry or any of the other millions of jobs I do.
It’s such a small thing but I’m finding him pretty unbearable to be around these days because of lots of instances like this. Like I will be reading and he will walk into the room and decide I’m in a mood and get all stroppy which then does put me in a mood.

OP posts:
Chumleymouse · 28/12/2020 12:27

He sounds like a twat it’s his washing powder as well.

Designateddiver · 28/12/2020 12:29

If he didn't feel the need to thank you, why should you thank him?

Yesmate · 28/12/2020 12:29

Why shouldn’t he help you clean it up? Does he thank you for every thing you do?

Sexnotgender · 28/12/2020 12:31

I’d probably have thanked my DH but equally he’d have thanked me. Doesn’t sound like a big deal if you didn’t though.

HangOnToYourself · 28/12/2020 12:32

The expectation of thanks suggests he thinks cleaning up is your responsibility. What a twat.

IMNOTSHOUTING · 28/12/2020 12:32

Did he thank you for helping to clean it up?

AtrociousCircumstance · 28/12/2020 12:33

Did he thank you?

NoSquirrels · 28/12/2020 12:33

Sounds annoying. Has he always been this way or something happened recently to make things tricky?

Chamomileteaplease · 28/12/2020 12:38

He obviously considers the laundry room your domain.

Might be time to change that!

zzizz · 28/12/2020 12:41

Actually I would have thanked DH for this. He'd have waved it off and joined in moaning about the box instead of course, but if I'd made a mess and he'd helped me clear it up, I'd be grateful. But then we thank each other all the time.

Sounds like this is a bit of a last tiny straw for you maybe?

CarterBeatsTheDevil · 28/12/2020 12:42

I think I probably would have thanked him and he probably would have thanked me, but I can't imagine either of us getting into a strop over it and it sounds like there's a bit of a pattern of him thinking that you're not giving him enough attention/credit that I would probably find a bit wearing after a while

Nottherealslimshady · 28/12/2020 12:45

We thank eachother for everything we do. Always have, literally the smallest thing.

The problem is if he expect you to thank him but doesn't thank you

ScrapThatThen · 28/12/2020 12:46

Are you just annoying each other because of too much proximity. I think some of the softer banter, thanks and interactions do help the wheels of a relationship go round.

KarlKennedysDurianFruit · 28/12/2020 12:47

Absolutely not! If he'd gone out and got on the roof in the rain to stop the leak I would've said thank you as it's not something I'd want to do myself, but half arsed helping clean up washing powder and then walking off before it's even finished, what are you thanking him for?!

KarlKennedysDurianFruit · 28/12/2020 12:50

@Nottherealslimshady everything? So if you're both in the kitchen together, one of you is unloading the dishwasher and the other one whites down surfaces and refills it while the clean things are being put away you'd formally say thank you to each other? (Did this earlier with DH) Surely it's just working together as a team for both of your benefit?

2BDIs · 28/12/2020 12:54

Does he thank you when you cook his meal, make his lunch for work, bathe the dcs and put them to bed, if yes you should thank him in return. if no, then absolutely don't thank him, its just part of the thankless household duties that all us independent adults have to get on with without be thanked for.

YouBoughtMeAWall · 28/12/2020 12:57

I just see it as one of those domestic pita’s that we both sorted out.

This is exactly what it is. He wasn’t helping you out, he was cleaning up from a leak in his laundry room. It’s not your leak or solely your laundry room. Why would he need thanked for cleaning his own house?

gamerchick · 28/12/2020 12:58

Well when you do something 'for him' like cook a meal. Tell him what does he say first.

Why didn't he thank you for helping him clean up? Is laundry your problem only?

Billben · 28/12/2020 12:59

What a twat. It wasn’t your job to clean it up so he didn’t actually “help” you. You just happened to be the one who has discovered the problem. When it comes to house, kids etc. you work together with your partner for the benefit of you all.

MindyStClaire · 28/12/2020 13:00

We do tend to thank each other, especially if one of us does something the other one was getting to, like putting on a wash or something. We definitely would've thanked each other for helping with the washing powder, especially because the spill would've made us grumpy to begin with.

It sounds like he doesn't believe in thanking you though. Not the most mature attitude, but I'd be tempted to ask him why he hasn't thanked you for every little thing over the next few days. "Are you not going to thank me for putting that wash on / emptying the dishwasher / making dinner?"

BarryWhiteIsMyBrother · 28/12/2020 13:07

If I ask someone for help, even if it's a '50/50' thing like the above, I say thank you afterwards. Because they came to help. Of course it's something that affects them too but I think it's just common courtesy. Same if I can't reach something in the kitchen, or garage, or something, and ask my OH to get it for me. Afterwards I say thank you. Even if he got coffee down for me to make us both a cup, or the drill because I wanted to hang something up. I asked for help so I say thank you.

TheVanguardSix · 28/12/2020 13:11

We thank each other all the time but to be honest, I don't think I'd notice if DH didn't thank me for cleaning up a spill. It's not a big deal. Shit spills. Accidents happen.
Your DH sounds resentful. What's he really asking for?

vanillandhoney · 28/12/2020 13:12

We always thank each other for stuff like that, but it wouldn't bother me if I wasn't thanked.

It sounds like a lot more is going on. Was he pissed off at being asked to help?

GabsAlot · 28/12/2020 13:12

is he a guest or does he pay the mortgage or rent

its his bloody house why should you thank him

partyatthepalace · 28/12/2020 13:14

Clearly YANBU

But sounds like it’s time for a sit sound chat so you can both air whatever it is that’s bothering you both and hopefully move forward with a bit less friction, else this may just get worse.