To ask what your relationship with your siblings are like

[Tellmelies65]

I’ve got one sister our relationship has been affected by her complex mental health problems. I envy people with good siblings relationships.

My sisters are my best friends and I adore their kids too. We holiday together and hang out a lot. Was close to my brother too but sadly we lost him this year.

DP gets on with his sisters but it’s more of an obligatory meet up on big occasions (spearheaded by his mum) thing.

I’m desperate for my DD to have a sibling and DP isn’t - I think the above explains why!

My sister was my best friend and I never understood how people weren’t the same with their siblings. She always had a volatile side though and a few years ago had a quite selfish fall out with an elderly relative (who had played a big part in raising us). She went NC with them and guess because I didn’t a divide started to open up. She’s changed a lot and is no longer interested in my DCs who she always adored. She’s 40 and acting like a teenager, I don’t think we each really want to know what the other is up to any more. Never thought this would happen to us.

I always feel a bit sad about my relationship with my sister. It should be so much better than it is. On paper we have a lot in common.

It was as if my mum took the sisterly relationship with her and I'm the third wheel. They talk about me a lot behind my back (and I'm not given to paranoia, it does definitely happen) and I feel constantly judged so it puts me on edge. They seem to hold me to behavioural standards they don't live up to themselves.

My relationships with friends are far more relaxed as they accept me for who I am. I don't have to be guarded or watch what I say for fear of causing offence through a throwaway comment.

I don't know what I can really do to change this dynamic- it's such a shame. I do sometimes wonder if it will change once my mum is no longer around but that sounds awful, I know.

Two very close in age. My parents did divide and rule as kids. I don’t speak to either. DC had a kind of relationship with my sister until she was nice to the eldest and cruel to the youngest - then they cut contact. I don’t blame them.

My brothers are my best friends. We see each other all the time (now mostly on FaceTime).

I have one sister and she's my best friend. I love her and I really really like her. We're very close and we probably speak most days.
Before covid I would see her at least once a week, sometimes more often.

We have a big age gap and didn't grow up together (I left home when she was 4) but really as soon as she hit her late teens, we became best friends.
I've often wondered if it helped that we didn't have the enforced proximity as children that most sibling groups have.

One sister 15month Al gap. We get on very well. She live 200 miles away so only seen her once this year and really miss her.

They’re my best friends.

@Fastforwardtospring

So all those on here that don’t have a close sibling relationship, would you go to their funerals?

I’m asking as my siblings are/were not close to each other, my sister who I adored doesn’t want to know, very hard work to keep in contact with, if I don’t bother there wouldn’t be any contact. I had minimal contact with my brother, once a year I might see him, definitely not the sort of relationship whereby you could ring for a chat. We are all very different people brought together by my mum who died many years ago. Sadly my brother passed away, he was in his late 50’s, my sister who had no contact but hadn’t fallen out never went to his funeral which I have found quite hard to deal with, it’s more or less the last straw with my attempt to keep in contact with her, I suppose I think whilst we have all grown apart there were good times to remember when we were all growing up, it makes me sad that she probably wouldn’t bother to come to mine☹️

Yes. I did last week.

It is very good with my brother - we live two hours apart though so don't see each other that often unfortunately. We are quite different people and there is a large age gap but we would do anything for each other and genuinely enjoy each others company.

DH has a terrible relationship with his sister. Texts on birthdays/odd FB comment/haven't seen each other for years. Parents did divide and rule (more so as adults)...took a while to see it clearly but which point too much damage had been done. Both have a very poor relationship with their parents now too.

One sister who is my best friend. Love her to pieces. We don’t live near each other but we go on holiday together maybe four or five times a year, plus odd long weekend meet-ups through the year. Speak to her on the phone most days.
Our kids are more like siblings than cousins, and love being together. When I say we holiday together, I mean the families, not just me and my sister.
One of the hardest things about this year has been the lack of seeing them. FaceTime isn’t the same - I miss them all hugely. Just want to give my nieces and nephew a hug.

Big age gap between us. Youngest are closer to their spouses families. Had a close relationship with our other ds and we had our dc at the same stages. We were good friends for a long time. However, the relationship broke down quite badly for a few years and we were just starting to rekindle when she took her life. Glad we got to make up a couple of months before.

My db and sil chose my Dad and his OW over my Mum, and that skewed my view of him. He is fine when he wants something, but very dismissive when you disagree with him. He is increasingly like my Dad with whom I never had that good a relationship. Even when we were both in the same county, and then in the same foreign country we didn't see much of each other.

We are very different people and he has always been the golden child. I'm the eldest.

I have two brothers, one I talk to regularly and get on very well with the other, well, if I never saw him again it would be too soon!
His mental health issues led to assault, harassment, bullying, death threats and general nastiness that I just wasn't prepared to put up with any longer so I cut him out. It was worth it for a peaceful life.

@NutHatchHQ I could add in my own struggles with MH, parents divorce... I've had a lot of counselling lol! fundamentally, my mum has always been scared of him. To say that I am scared for his wife and kids is an understatement, I have seen it and my SIL has reached out to me.

FWIW, you can keep a distance but have contact with your DN. better to be an auntie who remembers birthdays etc and sends gifts at random times in the post than to have your DB play out his bullying of you in front of her. My kids found it incredibly upsetting to see DB be so angry to me when they were tiny but were also baffled that their GPs let it happen without comment and that I am the one in the wrong when I stand up for myself. The impact on them has been a factor in my decision to go NC. I also suspect that he has gaslighted me in front of his own kids to show extent of his control / show them he is in charge.

Outside of my family I have been a high achiever career wise, I run my own business now and navigate life parenting 2 kids with additional needs. I consider myself strong and (mostly) capable but in presence of my family I am quiet, voice-less and inside I am the quaking, anxious child I once was.

I am struggling whole situation, my mother is piling on guilt but my DH is solid in his support, he has observed the impact for 20 years and is v happy at my NC decision. It's good to read that you came out the other side. I feel less alone after reading this thread and less of an idiot for saying I want to seek counselling to help me set boundaries and navigate the years ahead.

@Laurendelight

I put up with my siblings but they are not top of my list and I wouldn’t trust them to help me if I needed it.

In my experience people seem to accept behaviours in siblings they wouldn’t accept from friends or even work colleagues.

Yes it fun as kids but gradually as you covert independence and grow you can’t get away from them fast enough.

As an oldie now I don’t know anyone who is close to their sibling. Oh yes they eat their Christmas lunch then expect a birthday card but very little enjoy spending time with each other and prefer to socialise with friends.

This is interesting. So it's normal then. I'd always wondered and with the amount posting similar in this thread I wondered more!

Definitely true about tolerating more bad behaviour than with friends or colleagues. It's taken me a long time to get to the point where I send a text at birthday and a card at Christmas and don't let them hurt me in between. I essentially fell out of love with my family, eventually. There's only so much bad behaviour a person can tolerate. If I'm invited to meet then I do, but I don't travel. My sister lives in the same town, my mother and brother hours away.

To the poster asking about childhood. My brother tormented me (learned behaviour, my father did too) and my sister was jealous and stole from me. We never played that well together. As adults I thought to wipe the slate clean, forget the past and be friends, but it's clear they're not interested. My brother likes me, my sister doesn't really, the feeling is mutual, but we all 'get on'.

In an absolute dire emergency I could turn up at their doors and they'd help me for a short time in a practical way, but it'd be awkward and a last resort. They don't know where I live, although if they contacted me I'd do the same for them or my nieces and nephews, even though I have less relationship with them than with my siblings. I'd travel across the country to attend my family's funerals.

Two brothers and a sister. Very very close. Always put each other first. Share care for DF no arguments.

My relationship with my siblings is very good. We support each other and our closeness makes our DC close to each other too.

Although we've always been close I do realise this isn't the case for everyone and feel truly thankful for our relationship....I don't take it fir granted at all.