To ask what your relationship with your siblings are like

[Tellmelies65]

I’ve got one sister our relationship has been affected by her complex mental health problems. I envy people with good siblings relationships.

I have 3 sisters. I'm number 3. We don't speak. I adored my eldest sister but I've realised she's used and manipulated me my whole life. She has issues with cocaine and she has caused a lot of problems in my dysfunctional family.
I always struggled with my second sister. She was just horrible to me. I think she's a narcissist.
My youngest sister I wanted to be close with so desperately but she always picked me up and dropped me when it suited her.
It's sad but my family is toxic

Very tricky due to abuse during childhood. Fortunately he lives on the other side of the world so I have almost nothing to do with him.

One sister.
I love her with all my heart.
She is very quick and funny, likes to make people laugh. I think that is a very generous quality to have.
Everyone loves her.

Great with the older of my 2 (little) brothers. Not quite as close with the younger one but still really good.

Difficult with my little sister. She's the closest in age (to me) and we used to be very close. But she "decided" to change that for numerous reasons. Addiction, mental health, she's always had a horrible relationship with our mother and specifically blames me for not taking her side. Add to that that I've stopped letting her use me...

So that's me.

Sorry OP

I have a brother who is two years older than me and a sister who is three years younger. They’re my best friends, I love them more than anything. I adore their spouses too. There is no group of people I would rather spend time with.

I know how lucky I am, and I am so grateful for them.

I have a DB and hardly any relationship with him. Sure we would visit etc but there is no closeness. We don't discuss or share anything and don't look out for each other. In my opinion, this is due to our childhood and the way my parents and in particular my mother treated us differently. She favoured him and bullied me. Also, he is a few years older and I feel he looks down on me. He doesn't take me seriously and thinks I know nothing. All learnt behaviour because this is exactly how my parents treated me.

I envy other siblings with close relationships.

Relationships with other relatives is also non existent and never has been. Maybe in early childhood when parents and their siblings were still talking, but they all fell out over I dont know what and that was the end of everything.

It's interesting to see how many bad sibling relationships there are. It makes me feel a bit less shit about mine.

My brother is a bully, opportunist and liar. I have as little to do with him as possible.

We are like polar opposites in most things and have nothing in common.

I honestly can’t think of one nice thing to say about him. He’s made my mum and dads life hell for almost all of his life. He’s suffered with mental illness, drug addiction, physically and emotionally abused his partners, been to prison for assault, had my mum and dads home turned over by police as part of a drugs bust while they were at home to name a few of his delights. Yet I’m the one who is in the wrong when I refuse to talk to him or block my children from spending time with him.

I feel so sad that I don’t have a close sibling to spend time with.

Interestingly, he was and I still think is, favoured by my mother. He’s the golden child who can’t do any wrong.

Can't stand my one sibling, very entitled and it makes me very resentful and avoid spending time with them. Shame because my kids love them but I just can't stand it.

1 sibling 8 yrs older. We get on ok but have always been at different stages. They are very wrapped up in their own life and are pretty self absorbed. I feel pretty meh about the relationship really.

Close underneath it all but day to day relationship is generally fraught. Havent found a way to communicate with each other to resolve a few things. Both of us would like to be closer but haven't found a way to be yet.

Sad and strange. I wish we were friends. I gave up on them years ago. I had to. I couldn't stand the constant disappointment when they failed to behave like decent human beings. I put in the same amount of effort they do now, which is to say almost none. I don't think they've even noticed. When I used to put lots of effort in I don't think they noticed that either. I wonder if we'll still be in contact after our mother dies, our father is already gone. They are close to her. I'm not, she did a bad thing to me which she didn't do to them. Most of the time I don't think of them or miss them. When we do spend time together they often make me sad.

Non existent, largely. The only time I see or speak to them (in non-COVID times) is at my DP’s house and that’s rare outside Christmas!

I’m happy with this arrangement as they’re all very selfish, self-absorbed, boring, have no personality or hobbies/interests/friends outside of the ‘family’. It’s a very strange situation and I avoid being involved at all costs (to the point that I actively avoid seeing them when I can).

I’ve always wished for a different family and am envious of those that have the kind of relationships with their siblings I’ve always craved. Sadly it was not to be... 😢

Can’t stand my sister. Haven’t set eyes on her for almost 10 years. My brothers are ok but haven’t seen them in years either.

I havnt seen my sister for 10 years and she doesnt even know my current address. As a kid she got me into trouble with whinges and snitches and Ive never forgotten that. I was regularly beaten and she was never touched. When I was at school I had scruffy old second handmedowns from market stalls. As soon as I began work the money I gave my mother for my "keep" went straight onto her back so she had smart school uniforms and fancy clothes. They really missed my money when I left home.

Three brothers all much older. The youngest is 11 years older.

The oldest one I used to get on with and looked up to him but I began to see his very controlling behaviour the older I got. Now I tolerate him but I find it difficult spending too long in his company. He always manages to make me feel a bit shit about myself in very insidious ways.

The middle one is quite single minded and selfish and has on more than one occasion forgotten he has a younger sister at all. He lives close by. I bump into him often but there is little in the way of emotional attachment there.

The youngest has quite bad mental health problems. He feels that most of these were brought on by being bullied by the eldest brother. I'm closest to this brother and I am his go to person when he is struggling. He can be intense and quite hard work but a lovely human and we have an emotional bond.

@CandyLeBonBon

I was estranged from my brother for the past 5 years. He committed suicide nearly 3 weeks ago, so pretty much as permanently non-existent as you can get now.

Gosh. Sorry to hear this.

I’ve always got on well with both my brother and sister and especially so during this Covid thing. My brother lives on his own so is on our bubble. My sister is a total fruitcake and can talk for England but her heart is in the right place. When my parents split I went to live with my grandparents on their Dorset farm and I learnt the importance of family from them. I also learnt what hard work was too.

If you are close to your sibling (or if you’re not) what was your relationship like in childhood?

I’m not very close with my sister, for lots of reasons but ultimately I just don’t like her. And she doesn’t care so it’s all fine. I have a female friend who is essentially a sister to me, her kids are my kids’ cousins, etc.

Oh wait I forgot! She’s 2 yrs older than I am. We weren’t that close in childhood although we did party together during our late teens and uni years. She and I are both professionals with primary aged children, we just see the world differently. I don’t know if my parents could have done anything to change it but I do try to help my own children form strong relationships with one another, which my parents never particularly did.

My DSis's are considerably older (10 and 12 years) than me. Despite this we have always got on.
My middle DSis is pretty self contained. Her DH would class my DH as his best friend despite being 22 years older.
My eldest sister is charismatic and lights up a room. She is an amazing person, much loved by many. I now see that she has intimidated me over the years by being so forceful and confident that her opinion is always the correct one. I have to be mindful of being manipulated when I am with her but she remains fun company.
I am pleased we all live a few hours away from each other so only meet up 4 or 5 times a (normal) year.

2 younger brothers, one biological & one adopted. My biological brother and I are close, but the adopted one ended up running back to his bio family when he was 17 and has now been mired in drugs and alcohol for over a decade and has had 2 children taken from him, so I have no contact.

Brothers don't seem to need to keep a close relationship. But am still close to my sis.

One brother. Currently and recently NC.For 25+ years I have tried to have a relationship with him in adult life. The let-downs are many as are the times he has wished me dead, but like a rubber ball I have always resumed contact even when it is always him who cuts me off and, always at my DPs insistence. He is narcissistic, an addict, a high earner and has the loveliest wife and I adore his kids.

My life has been punctuated by his unreliability & generally threatening/aggressive behaviour & by my late twenties I'd learned that even in the most terrible circumstances he would never have my corner. He saw nothing of DM during 12 months of gruelling cancer treatment but the family narrative is, as it always is, how hard the time was for him & exceptions for his shitty behaviour are to be made. At times when we have had a relationship/ contact, it is because I keep my mouth shut, never disagree with him and accept any verbal abuse he dishes out without acknowledgement or response.

In adult life he has continued to bully DM, myself, and his wife / children. Occasionally I have stood up to his violent outbursts / bullying behaviour, which results in him verbally abusing me, physically threatening me or cutting me off. Several times against my better judgment I've kept family peace and been persuaded by DPs to brush it away, attend family Xmas / wedding etc, pretend like nothing has happened.

Two months ago he wished me dead, blocked me on social media and after months of particularly vile harassment from him, I have accepted I will never see him again. DPs are horrified & spending a lot of time trying to persuade me otherwise, but ultimately they support his behaviour and have asked me to deal with it for his sake as it is 'only words'.

I've oscillated between heartbreak and calm but this Christmas realised that I probably grieved for the relationship I know we will never have years ago. And that my DPs idea that as his sister I must make allowances for him is as toxic as his behaviour towards me. I'm not only OK without them, I'm happier, less anxious and my own DCs are OK too.

Sorry for long post but this thread has given me some much needed context that my decision to go NC is OK
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