To ask for advice on balancing career with childcare

[careervschildcare]

Posting for traffic in the hope that others have battled with the same decisions. NC as the details are outing.

DD is 1 month old, DS is nearly 2. I am starting to panic about figuring out childcare for September (I know this is a while away, but childcare options where I live book up really fast, often before babies are born).

I typed out the full context but realised it was boring/probably not relevant. My options come down to:

Going down from 4 to 3 days per week so that I can cover childcare myself, alongside my mum, DH and an au pair.

Putting 9 month old in nursery 2 days a week, or hiring a nanny for 2 days a week.

Financially, we would be about equal either way. I am the higher earner and always will be (DH is retraining to become a teacher). Career wise, going down to 3 days would be challenging - I would still be doing the same amount of work just nominally over fewer days (I know this because I've already dropped from 5 days to 4).

Does anyone have any words of wisdom?

An au pair probably isn't suitable for a baby and won't be suitable for your two (consider when older if you have room to accommodate them). Some friends had a nanny share, or a nanny who brought her own baby along, so reduced cost. A childminder can be a good option and if you have a good local one who will in the future take mindees to and from school this could work great. But a great nursery can also be great. Think of it as a relatively short term upfront cost (and if dh is a teacher your future holiday childcare will be no cost). So keep your hours at work, it will be an investment and you won't be frazzled.

I'd get the nanny. Maybe see if you can nannyshare to spread the cost or find a NWOC.

A wonderful, reliable nanny has done a huge amount to allow me to balance my career with childcare, and as an unexpected side benefit has been able to continue to work this year when nurseries and CMs (and schools) were closed.

@ScrapThatThen thank you. We have an au pair now and she goes along to help my mum when she has DS on her own. It was an arrangement we somewhat stumbled into as she was having problems with her last family. But she will go home in the summer so getting a new one would be an active choice and I have no idea how easy it would be to find one.

I do think a nursery or childminder would probably make sense, I just struggle with the idea of working the extra day for "nothing" since the cost would eat up much of the salary. I would also love to have an extra day with the babies to myself, I just worry it may do irreversible career damage. Going down to 3 days would mean I was very much viewed as part time, whereas now most people still think I work the full 5 days

Not what you want to hear, but I know some women work for almost nothing after childcare in the early years to maintain and progress their career. What can you, will you sacrifice?
It’s so challenging atm with childcare options closed, i think a nanny is your best option.

Consider it as short term expense. I went to 3 days in my job as I couldn't do my job full time along side childcare in my opinion. I have just increased to 4 days now both are at full time school.

I had a 22 month gap, we used Day Nursery initially, then a combination of School Nursery and Day Nursery, then School Nursery, School and Childminder. First couple of years I was working for effectively no monetary gain but we looked at it as family finances which helped with that feeling of it not being worth it.

If husband is retraining I assume he is getting a bursary to cover the training year or is he doing it currently whilst you are on Mat leave?

It does do career damage. It is also nice to spend more time with your babies. It's a huge dilemma for many. I think the studies show that the happiest mothers are those that work part time (not full time or not at all). In my opinion it helps to have both parents working flexibly (say four days each) or if one is not flexible at all, usually the higher earner, the other needs to be freed up more.

Nursery here is £47 a day so it's not that much compared to a day's pay. Even for 2 children it is less than a decent wage. Plus you would get it free once they get to 3 so it's a short term cost for one of the children.
I think really it depends how feasible it is to do your job in 3 days. Personally I have chosen to reduce hours, pay and career for now but it is not stressful for me, and I hope/think it won't impact me too much long-term.

It’s so challenging atm with childcare options closed

Are they? Not round here (England)

I found childcare easier when they were small (before school) though financially tough. Mine went into daycare which opened 7.30 to 6.30 which allowed some flexibility for me as dh worked away.

I'd keep to working 4 days. Start looking for childminder or nanny. Could dh pick up some slack at all?

I worked for nothing while mine were at nursery. I'm lucky enough to teach at the same school they go to so now childcare costs are just when we have staff meetings etc in evenings (pre covid) - for the rest of it, they watch Netflix on my whiteboard while I work after school. I'm glad I kept my job.

We found a nanny more flexible when they were smaller, although primarily for childcare she would batch cook, organise some of their washing and keep their rooms clean etc. She took them to playgroups/nursery and activities as well as being at home.
I worked 4 days and have managed to maintain my senior leadership positions on 4 days a week.

Don’t cut down your days, you will end up doing same work just paid less. If you can afford send the baby to nursery and balance care with husband/parents. Nursery will always be open whereas au pair you are heavily reliant on one person

Not 3 days: super stressful for you. Damaging for your career. Worse of both worlds.

Nanny would be my suggestion, it offers more flexibility than nursery, better if your kids are ill etc. You'll also get some housework thrown in (even if it's just the kids laundry and tidy bedrooms), and there is someone there to take in food deliveries, run to the post office, pick up milk etc. Lots of little things that add up to much less stress.

I don't know any seriously career minded woman who relies on nursery tbh. Hard if you always have to leave at 5.10, or can't do a late meeting occasionally if you need to.

Au pairs are good when they're older, blending nursery with time at home, but don't usually have sole care beyond a few hours. Someone looking after two children all day is a nanny, and should be paid accordingly for the responsibility and challenge it brings

It’s a really hard balance. Personally I wouldn’t go down to 3 days a week- in my industry you would be seen as very much part time and would be passed over for opportunities. I would also resent getting paid less but no doubt working the same amount! Is there any way you could do 4 days but flex the hours so you still get a day or an afternoon of a week?

My daughter has been going to nursery 4 days a week since she was 10 months. She has loved it and the couldn’t wait to go back after lockdown,

I do think there is something in sacrificing the cost of childcare now to future proof your career.

Also don’t forget your baby is tiny and what you might feel now might not necessarily be how you feel in 9 months time. When my daughter was first born I told my husband I was never going back to work- I went back full time!!!

Good luck in whatever you decide to do!! It is a hard decision!

Honestly... Work 4 days... Nursery or childminder couple/few days. Your mum having a day with each child and helping out when sick....

Your eldest will soon get some free hours so you won't be down financially for long.

Cleaner in on a Monday.. House looks better for longer if no one in it!
When kids start school save your 5th day/buy as many days as can for the holidays so you can all enjoy together...

@Lemmeout I think this is what I'm grappling with a bit. I'm senior already in my firm, which is a relatively small boutique finance company. There's not a lot of promotion opportunity left for me where I am, but plenty of career development through firm growth. It's probably just the newborn hormones talking, but I'm struggling to see the "point" in sacrificing the time with the babies.

If ypu bading on your net salary it is not "for nothing"
Factor in pension payments and paid leave
How much is pension payment from em0loywr per month?
Short term pain yes but long term gain

I'd do the 4 days as thinking long term, this will do less harm to your career prospects. It's sad that's the way of the world as a mum but that's what I'd do

If you're already finding it challenging doing 4 days, it would be incredibly stressful trying to do the same job in 3 days. You'd always find yourself playing catch up, and possibly be giving yourself to work on the days you'd be working. Plus it would probably be viewed negatively by your colleagues. I'd stick with the 4 days at work in you can, then you do childcare the other day.

It's not clear how much childcare across 4 days your DH and mum would be doing, so I'd sit them both down and work it out between you.

In our case, my parents looked after both our DCs (only 12 months between them) full-time from the age of 7 months to 1 year, then they went to a wonderful nursery 4 days a week, which opened 7.30am-6.30pm. Pre-Covid, DH and I flexed our schedules so that one of us would drop at 8am, and one would collect at 5pm. The DC absolutely love the nursery, and have thrived there.

It really helped that my parents made themselves available to pick up the slack if we had late running meetings, or any sickness cover. We were lucky that we've only been called to nursery for sickness 2 or 3 times across the gross 4 years DC have been attending, however they had chicken pox one after the other last year, so my parents looked after one or other of them at home for a straight month.

I'd say it may help maintain a good relationship if you try not to rely on your mum too much and be conscious that she's getting older, and may also have her own appointments etc to attend, plus she'll need time for herself. Perhaps think about a childcare schedule of 2 days nursery, 1 day DH, 1 day mum, 1 day you.

I'm not sure of your domestic arrangements, but we outsource lots, cleaning, gardening, window cleaning. We used to buy-in DIY help as well, until I discovered a knack for it, so now I do that myself.

I'm not sure on the differential in price between Nanny and nursery (as we have 2 DC there and only 15 free hours, nursery is double our mortgage), however what's good about nursery is they are open 50 weeks of the year, and we don't need to think about how to cover their holidays/sickness.

giving yourself to work on the days you'd not* be working

I'd use annual leave initially so that you're working 3 days, but effectively 4 and then see how it goes..

I am relatively senior and cut to 3 days a week after mat leave. I'm about 15k under where I should be now I have gone back to ft and it has held me back. I wouldn't do it again. It depends what you want though and how important your career is to you.

It's difficult for me to move and reclaim that loss now as it's too much of a jump up in salary.

I don't get why you need to change your working pattern when your husband is training to be a teacher and I say this as a teacher myself- I'll come back to this in a second.

Don't go down to 3/4 days- it's only for a couple of years until your children will be in primary school and I think it would be worse for your career.

For now get yourself a nanny and a cleaner. Outsource as much as you can without feeling silly as long as you can afford it! The time gained from this is worth it.

Some of my colleagues with children have arrangements put into their contracts so they can do pick ups and drop offs, some of them have a childminder, use a breakfast and after-school club etc. It's normal for children to come in with parents for inset days. Most teacher parents come in at a normal time and leave around 3.30 to 4.30.

Teaching is full on but you and your partner may find that he is given more understanding and allowances for childcare because he is a father and retraining from a prior career.

IME you can maintain your position and even advance on four days a week. Many people simply won't notice and with focus and clear boundaries, you can keep your NWD free of work.

Once you go down to 3 days, you are very much in the "part timer/just dabbling" space and either you make serious compromises in what you are handling, or you effectively end up working FT for only 60% of FT money. You're always stressed, always behind, and always getting the raised eyebrow from colleagues on how you just aren't contributing like you used to.

Even if childcare works out to be the same as your net take-home, you're still well ahead because of pension contributions, tax free childcare, and maintained earning potential.

Only you can ultimately make the decision on whether the time is worth taking the career and financial hit for. I've found 4 days and a nanny to be a great compromise/combination and am very glad to be where I am.

Are you sure that going down to three days won’t irrevocably stall your career? You’re the higher earner. Time with babies is lovely and all (they won’t remember, let’s be honest) but if you lose your job where will you be? Part time jobs are like hen’s teeth. Id do 4 days and get decent childcare. What about working from home? A good compromise to cut the commute. And if DH will be teacher you will have holidays sorted in the future!