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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think SIL meant this to be rude?

67 replies

Orphlids · 27/12/2020 13:18

When I gave birth to my baby not long ago, my DP put an announcement on Facebook. His sister commented under the post, “Congratulations, David.”

I said to DP that she has intentionally neglected to congratulate me, or acknowledge me in any way, as a way of showing her dislike for me. DP says her message is perfectly fine and contains no hidden meaning.

So as not to drip feed, his sister has spoken to him in the past of her dislike for me, and I have not seen her in about seven years, because I didn’t enjoy her rudeness towards me. Also, just to clarify, I am not upset about the message (I have had a good giggle about it), nor do I think it is an important matter; I simply wonder if other, more objective people would think she meant to be rude, or if it could simply be an oversight on her part. I suppose I’m hoping you’ll all agree with me so I can show the result to DP and say, “SEE?!”

YABU - she didn’t mean to be rude by only congratulating him.
YANBU - she intentionally only congratulated him to be rude.

OP posts:

WorraLiberty · 27/12/2020 15:01

Actually I've just realised the OP has mentioned before that she's gone NC with her dad, her brother and most of her partner's family too.

Which makes it totally weird that she'd expect to be congratulated by his sister.

Daffodilandviolet · 27/12/2020 15:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Lovely1a2b3c · 27/12/2020 15:13

@slipperywhensparticus

Just reply thanks he did such a great job giving birth

Maybe do that haha.

saraclara · 27/12/2020 15:13

@WorraLiberty

Actually I've just realised the OP has mentioned before that she's gone NC with her dad, her brother and most of her partner's family too.

Which makes it totally weird that she'd expect to be congratulated by his sister.

Ha! OP doesn't sound exactly easy to get along with.

zukiecat · 27/12/2020 15:16

Congratulations on your new baby!

My XMIL did this to me when DD1 was born, no fb then so she sent a card, addressed only to him, and mentioned only him. Even after she was born, my XMIL called her "Ex's baby" never mine as well.

She did comment after DD2 was born though, to tell me I should have given XH a son 🙄

I had a lot of scans during my second pregnancy as I bled all the way through, and when we found out DC2 was going to be DD2 she told me I should have a termination and make sure the next one was a boy.

Evil old cow she is, now neither DD2 or me have anything to do with her. I've never told DD what she said.

Sceptre86 · 27/12/2020 15:20

Passive aggressive shit. My sil did similar to me when I had ds and wrote a long arse message to congratulate dh who is her bil. I responded inkind.

beavisandbutthead · 27/12/2020 15:24

If it was a simple congratulations that would be fine however with the addition of just her brothers name it was clearly purposeful

AutoIncorrect · 27/12/2020 15:26

This reminds me of when DH and I had our first child; his work colleagues did a collection and wrote a card, all of the messages congratulated him only and with the collection they bought him an experience day out to get a break from being a new dad.
There’s me torn to shreds from giving birth and breastfeeding round the clock, absolutely on the floor in every way possible emotionally and physically. I just cried.

I mean they could have just got a couple
of outfits for the baby and just added “to you and your wife.” Couldn’t they? But then maybe I’m just an entitled mare.

AutoIncorrect · 27/12/2020 15:35

Whoops sorry OP that was rude of me, I don’t think YABU it’s just rude not to acknowledge the actual person who gave birth.

OnlineMadNess · 27/12/2020 15:40

YANBU. Your page, DH page ex. You both became parents. Shitty, petty crap. Keep away.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 27/12/2020 15:45

Since she knows you and has previously professed her dislike for you then I'd say yes, she meant it to be exclusionary of you and rude.

Having said that, I've just commented on a friend's post, congratulating her son on his first child - but that's because I barely know the son and have no idea who his other half is! It wouldn't be appropriate to congratulate my friend on becoming a grandmother in the same way, as she did nothing towards that happening. I did worry when I wrote it that if his other half saw it she might be a bit offended - but she wouldn't know me from a bar of soap either, so hopefully not!

LH1987 · 27/12/2020 15:49

She meant to be rude, what a pathetic individual!

Congratulations on the new baby!

thinkingaboutLangCleg · 27/12/2020 15:55

YANBU -- no way this can be accidental. Mother + father = baby. It's not difficult.

readingismycardio · 27/12/2020 17:27

I'd have replied "so what did David do, exactly?"😈

This is exactly the shit my MIL and SIL would pull

PurpleMustang · 28/12/2020 16:32

@zukiecat think you should have give her a biology book to make her understand his involvement in the sex of the child

Shesellsseashellsontheseashore · 28/12/2020 16:39

Yep she meant it. I have a SIL like that too. Haven't spoken to her in about 12 years, it's great! She has no relationship with my husband because of it, she has openly told people it's not her brother she has a problem with, it's me she hates.

Frankola · 28/12/2020 19:46

So you don't like her. She doesn't like you.

Of course she did it on purpose.but why should she congratulate you? You don't like each other and haven't seen each other in 7 years!

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