To think SIL meant this to be rude?

[Orphlids]

When I gave birth to my baby not long ago, my DP put an announcement on Facebook. His sister commented under the post, “Congratulations, David.”

I said to DP that she has intentionally neglected to congratulate me, or acknowledge me in any way, as a way of showing her dislike for me. DP says her message is perfectly fine and contains no hidden meaning.

So as not to drip feed, his sister has spoken to him in the past of her dislike for me, and I have not seen her in about seven years, because I didn’t enjoy her rudeness towards me. Also, just to clarify, I am not upset about the message (I have had a good giggle about it), nor do I think it is an important matter; I simply wonder if other, more objective people would think she meant to be rude, or if it could simply be an oversight on her part. I suppose I’m hoping you’ll all agree with me so I can show the result to DP and say, “SEE?!”

YABU - she didn’t mean to be rude by only congratulating him.
YANBU - she intentionally only congratulated him to be rude.

I assume he posted it on his own facebook so I don't think it's odd at all to congratulate just him on his fb, especially as you haven't spoken to her in 7 years. Let's face it if she put your name as well you wouldn't see it as genuine anyway would you? So I'm not sure how she can win .

And it's deliberate. Sort of thing my cow of a SIL would do, if I wasn't too old to be having babies. If it was a one off, possible oversight. With a backstory, no, deliberate pattern of arsiness/rudeness.

@slipperywhensparticus

Just reply thanks he did such a great job giving birth

Exactly this.

I have been married 36 years and we still get a Christmas card addressed to my husband and his father (who does not live with us)

I can’t be doing with this passive aggressive shit. Just excuse the ignorance and move on. It says way more about them than anything else.

We don't have anything to do with my SIL. She’s still convinced it’s all me though so will do things like this, she recently congratulated DH on our pregnancy and will only thank him for gifts for her daughter that she knows full well I’ve purchased.

She could've just put a simple 'congratulations' but she didn't.

So yes she did it to be PA. However everyone who reads it will see her for what she is - petty.

The better side of me would ignore it. But I'd be very tempted to to like her comment with a laugh Emoji. Dont do this. Act like you've not noticed.

I’d focus on the fact you seem intent on making your DH think badly of his sister. I’d be defensive too if my DH was slating my sister, especially when the comment is open to interpretation.

Congrats on the birth of your lovely new baby Orphlids....not for David though.
😬😬

Laugh at her silliness

If you’ve not had any contact for several years you’re not exactly friends, so why would she congratulate you? She knows you’d ignore it. So she congratulated her brother on his own Facebook page. For the relationship you have, it sounds acceptable.

Yeah that was deliberate. The only way this would be ok would be say a work colleague that only knows him but most would put "congratulations to both of you" if they didn't know your name

I would be tempted to to reply saying Thanks he held my hand well while I did the hard work. Or, yep his 5 minutes 9 months ago did the trick 😁

@VainAbigail

nor do I think it is an important matter

And yet you’ve had “a good giggle about it” (which is twee as fuck) and you’ve posted about it on the internet.

If it’s not an “important matter” then drop it and stop trying to prove something to your partner.

This exactly.

OP, your phrasing of 'a good giggle' shows just how not over this you are and how much importance you are putting on it. I cringed when I read that, it's very try hard.

It's definitely rude.

It's not odd though, because as you say, she doesn't like you so she's probably pleased for her brother but wishes the baby he's having wasn't with you.

Tough tits really, she'll just have to accept it.

Much more powerful, would be to get your DP to reply “Thanks, Orphlids and I are over the moon with our little bundle of joy”. If you reply, you lower to her standards to anyone reading it. If he replies, it will be more embarrassing for her as he’ll not only be calling out the rudeness, but showing that (a) he has your back (and she clearly still cares enough about him to congratulate him) and (b) you are a couple, which she can’t ‘single off’.

It’s definitely odd. Normal behaviour dictates that if you know the father but not mother (eg a work colleague) then ‘congratulations’ or ‘congratulations both’ would be the message of choice. Being PA to someone who has just given birth is a bit low, I agree with commenting that your DH did a great job giving birth. And yes DH your DW is right!!

Someone who you don't like and don't see, who doesn't like or see you, didn't mention you on someone elses FB page?

Seriously, this is what you have to complain about?

@Caterinaballerina

It’s definitely odd. Normal behaviour dictates that if you know the father but not mother (eg a work colleague) then ‘congratulations’ or ‘congratulations both’ would be the message of choice. Being PA to someone who has just given birth is a bit low, I agree with commenting that your DH did a great job giving birth. And yes DH your DW is right!!

Even if you can't stand them?

@Bluntness100

I think as he made the post, she was responding specifically to him. So it could just be a comment.

Does it matter though? You don’t like each other. Why get all focused on petty shit.

That. His page, his post, his sister.

I have no idea why you care. I don't understand people who go looking for slights, to be honest.

She has made herself look stupid. Never understand why people act passive aggressive on a public forum, it completely defeats the purpose. Everyone can see you are being petty.

She'd look more stupid if she'd said "Congratulations David and Orphlids", because there must be people reading it who know she doesn't like the OP.

...and I see that you're the one who's chosen not to see her for seven years. I wouldn't include you either if you decided to have nothing to do with me (which has probably affected how much she gets to see her brother).

I bet she could make some great OPs about her SIL, too.

@saraclara has hit the nail on the head

Presumably it’s your DP’s Facebook page rather than a joint one?

As you’re not married, I can’t see what’s dreadfully wrong with putting Congratulations David on it. After all, she’s his sister, not an acquaintance.

Presumably, it’s possible that you are reading too much into this and if so, why try to stir up bad feelings between the siblings just to prove a point? I think that’s being a tad childish.

You must have had to go out of your way to avoid seeing her for seven years, isn't that ruder? Never going to a family gathering, meal, or visiting if she's going to be there? You can't be surprised at this (barely noticeable) dig if that's the childish level you've both reached?

You haven't seen her for 7 years. I assume you haven't spoken. Seems like you are pretty much NC. I think it would be veeeery strange for her to congratulate you if you are, and have chosen to be, NC.