Storm in a teacup??

[alliejay81]

I'm probably BU and it's definitely a storm in a teacup, so I suspect I'm going to get my arse handed to me.

DS11 woke me up this morning moaning because DH told him he wasn't allowed to watch the Simpsons today. DS11 spent most of yesterday watching the Simpsons (we had a chill out day), but DH had told him this was ok as it was the holidays, so seemed like an about turn this morning. From my perspective I was annoyed as DH isn't going to be at home this afternoon so effectively I will have to enforce an instruction I didn't agree to and don't particularly agree with.

Anyway, I went downstairs to have a chat with DH, so asked to come and to talk to me away from MIL (we're a support bubble). It didn't go very well, I didn't explain myself very well, I didn't shout but I definitely expressed my annoyance. DH shouted a little and stormed off as MIL came in. I said "oh dear that didn't go well" and made MIL some breakfast.

I went off to find DH and apologise. He said he was too angry to talk, so I left him alone.

DH is now downstairs building lego with DS (well DS is watching) and MIL is in the same room. DH hasn't spoken to me since but is amicably talking to DS and MIL. Because DH hasn't spoken to me I feel miserable and also a bit left out. Clearly I could just sit at the table with everyone else and brazen it out. I just feel a bit uncomfortable in my own home.

YABU - just crack on with your day and brazen it out, no need to feel uncomfortable
YANBU - Carry on feeling uncomfortable and doing something in a different room

This is so weird

As your (D)H hadn’t discussed the not watching Simpson’s with you I would have feigned ignorant to that and let him watch it anyway. I’d make an effort for your dc who can presumably tell something isn’t on also imagine it’s awkward for mil too

"It didn't go very well, I didn't explain myself very well, I didn't shout but I definitely expressed my annoyance. DH shouted a little and stormed off "

What actually happened?

Does your husband have form for making arbitrary rules then leaving you to enforce them?

Is there a reason behind this. Take him aside and ask what he actually meant. Why is ds not joining in lego making?

It does seem completely ridiculous to get into such a prolonged argument about watching the simpsons. How aggressive were you when you approached DH about it? I would just go down and join in OP, it's your home too and it's daft to let an atmosphere linger over something so trivial.

You say you don’t agree but I don’t understand why you think it is a good idea to allow a DC to binge watch the Simpsons for two days in a row? You never explained why you disagree?
If my DH had told a DC “one binge TV day is enough, give the TV a rest tomorrow” I would have supported his parenting decision because it’s a reasonable decision as far as I can see.

I moaned that he'd put in a rule that he wouldn't be there half the time to enforce. I said he was watching crappy tv too and I couldn't see the difference. He shouted "I can't be doing with this" and stormed off.

It must be awkward for MIL, thankfully for her, she's gong home this afternoon so it won't be awkward for too long. I'm tidying the house at the moment, so it's not like I'm sulking in another room, so hopefully that makes it feel less awkward.

I feel like I've managed to accidentally box myself into a pretty awkward situation that I don't know how to out of.

@PlanDeRaccordement

You say you don’t agree but I don’t understand why you think it is a good idea to allow a DC to binge watch the Simpsons for two days in a row? You never explained why you disagree? If my DH had told a DC “one binge TV day is enough, give the TV a rest tomorrow” I would have supported his parenting decision because it’s a reasonable decision as far as I can see.

I definitely don't think it's a good idea to binge watch tv two days straight. I wouldn't enforce a blanket ban at Xmas though!

@AnyOldPrion

Does your husband have form for making arbitrary rules then leaving you to enforce them?

He's done it a couple of times recently. We're all a bit covid cooped up to be honest and I don't think anyone is their best self.

I moaned that he'd put in a rule that he wouldn't be there half the time to enforce. I said he was watching crappy tv too and I couldn't see the difference.

Well first off, it’s not a requirement that the parent who says “no more TV” has to then enforce it alone. The other parent should be willing to support their partner and enforce it too.

Secondly, is your DH binge watching crappy tv all day long too? Surely the issue is watching TV for over 8 hrs straight, not what they choose to watch.

Are you scared of him? Scared of upsetting him?
Who cares of the DS wants to watch TV. It's the holidays and let's face it we can't go anywhere or mix with anyone.

Well first off, it’s not a requirement that the parent who says “no more TV” has to then enforce it alone. The other parent should be willing to support their partner and enforce it too.

If you're going to introduce a new rule, especially one the other parent is going to have to enforce you should discuss it first though. I don't want DC binge watching films all day but if DH unilaterally decided 'no more films till the new year' I'd be pissed off.

I definitely don't think it's a good idea to binge watch tv two days straight. I wouldn't enforce a blanket ban at Xmas though!

But I am not understanding you. If your DH had not made rule of no simpsons today, wouldn’t your DS have had a second day of binge watching? That is what he was moaning about,

Does your DS often play you and DH against each other? As in you make a rule so he moans to DH to try and get you overruled or vice versa, DH has made a rule so DS moans to you to try and get it overruled? You need to have a United front with children otherwise they will constantly play you off against each other.

@InTheDrunkTank

Well first off, it’s not a requirement that the parent who says “no more TV” has to then enforce it alone. The other parent should be willing to support their partner and enforce it too.

If you're going to introduce a new rule, especially one the other parent is going to have to enforce you should discuss it first though. I don't want DC binge watching films all day but if DH unilaterally decided 'no more films till the new year' I'd be pissed off.

Normally I’d agree but this is a tiny rule. It’s not like changing bedtimes for indefinite future. There are lots of tiny rules we decide on and then just tell partner about. Cant be pre-discussing every little thing.

It’s similar to saying “oh by the way DH I told the DCs no dessert tonight because I treated them to ice cream today”
It’s not a rule that I would consider worthy of pre-discussion.

I think the silent treatment is juvenile and inexcusable. If he has a problem with you he needs to talk about it like a body grown up, not just storm off in high dudgeon. I'd be having words.

*bloody grown up

This is much ado about nothing

Your DH sounds like a bit of a dick tbh

My dad used to be like this, his whole fucking mood colouring the atmosphere in the house for the rest of the day. I have not got time for that shit.

It seems very reasonable to say binge watching TV is one day only, then play lego. I'm not sure why you aren't supporting him in it and suspect you aren't sure either except that you feel it's placing a boundary on your own parenting, but that's just a natural outcome and you could take advantage of the time to play games you enjoy with DS. I can sometimes unnecessary comment on parenting DH is doing and have to learn to step back too. What's best is to just go downstairs, say to him "Sorry, I shouldn't have interfered. Friends again?" Then join in the game.

Maybe he just wants your d's to spend time with his grandmotherbefore she leave this afternoon.

We had "sod it" Saturday yesterday. We were meant to be with family but obviously couldn't do that, so people did what they want. No-one is binge watching tv, that was never the plan for today. Personally I would have said "not this morning" or "just one episode", rather than introducing a blanket ban which needed to be enforced even when DH was out of the house this afternoon.

@ZeroFuchsGiven

Maybe he just wants your d's to spend time with his grandmotherbefore she leave this afternoon.

DH wanted to build the Lego, that's his motivation! Which I don't have a problem with. My issue isn't really the tv watching, it's more that I'm now uncomfortable in my own home (which might be more about me than DH to be honest).

It's not "silent treatment" at all from what OP said. He's just being a parent, then way pissed off because he was pulled up on it unreasonably by the OP.
He shouted "I can't be doing with this" and stormed off.
That's all he did, and I'd also be pissed off if DH started moaning about a reasonable decision, or vice versa he'd be annoyed if I did it.

@chaosisaladder

This is much ado about nothing

Your DH sounds like a bit of a dick tbh

My dad used to be like this, his whole fucking mood colouring the atmosphere in the house for the rest of the day. I have not got time for that shit.

My DF is like that too. To be fair DH seems in a fine mood now, he just hasn't spoken to me.

Why are you trying to undermine your DH's very reasonable rule? Why are you allowing your DS to pit you and DH against each other?

Just have a nice family day with your DS, DH and MIL building lego, playing games, munching chocolate and not watching the telly!