To wonder if counselling has become so 'woke' as to be meaningless to many people?

[timestablestimestwo]

I've had a couple of therapists lately, trying to work out some childhood stuff.

To make a very long story short my parents were very indiscreetly polygamous to the point of there being no boundaries and us kids walking in on sex acts.

This left a lasting mark on me for various reasons - and perhaps not the most immediate ones people might think of - but in deeper ways.

I've seen two therapists and both of them have seemed to... kind of judge me for being affected by this.

I'm at a loss now because it still affects me but I don't know where else to take this?

I'm sorry for the Christmas Eve post but Christmas is always the shittiest time of year for this stuff for me.

Any counsellor who judges you for being negatively impacted by sexual abuse needs striking off.

Sadly I agree with you though OP. Last week my counsellor changed the subject very quickly when I was describing how rejected and betrayed I felt after being marginalised from the only local lesbian group because I had asked them to clarify that they are female only. I was called disgusting and cruel and have been disinvited from events by the organiser. I wanted to talk about it because it has been contributing to my depression and feeling of isolation and loneliness, but my therapist wouldn’t discuss it with me, presumably because acknowledging that lesbians are female homosexuals is now problematic.

I was sceptical about having counselling as I suspected it would be ruined by wokeness, and I was correct. If you have any boundaries at all that prevent free expression of, let’s face it, male sexual desire, counselling is not for you.

There are some extraordinarily crappy therapists out there!

@OldWomanSaysThis

There are some extraordinarily crappy therapists out there!

There are

Years ago I went to a counselling charity for sexual abuse survivors. I have a diagnosis of BPD and at the time I was very unstable and to be honest probably not ready for counselli ng but felt so desperate to unload my issues with physical emotional and sexual abuse and there wasn't any help in my area aside from this.

I was telling them I was very depressed and not coping only to be told I was not as depressed as some people and to "try voluntary work, dear."

I felt crushed. I hadn't been sleeping or eating and had been doing reckless things to myself. bad things. And was at end of my rope.

Affected me very badly and I was so distressed I tried to harm myself in front of them. They disgusted told me I should be sectioned

I was really about to ask what 'woke',blm, etc had to do with this but for the first therapist to compare your experience and pain in ANY way, let alone to minimise it by saying other people have it worse is disgusting.

The second one is also terrible by actually voicing their opinion on the documentary especially when it isn't a neutral one.

Not sure what kind of therapists these were but there are many good ones who will help you. Your race, sex, etc should not come into it unless it's relevant to your experience.

It's not a therapist's job to try to convince you one way or the other about polygamy or polyamory. You don't have to think it's a positive, healthy lifestyle, even if it had absolutely no bearing whatsoever on your past abuse or current problems. You're not a bad person if you don't think polyamory is "right" (especially for any children involved).

There should be people who can help you without making you feel judged. It's a matter of finding one who's a good fit.

I’m sorry you’ve experienced unhelpful responses in counselling, OP. No, of course it’s never ok for a therapist to try and impose their point of view on a client. The work should be about you and it should stay within your frame of reference. Sometimes if we are very sensitive to not having our views accepted or our feelings validated, we might project those feelings onto the therapist, for instance, interpreting silence as a judgement, but the examples you give suggest it’s the therapist’s feelings influencing the work unhelpfully. Your childhood experiences were all about your feelings and sensibilities being invalidated by adults whose agenda was meeting their own needs; you absolutely must find a therapist who gets that and can hold it.

It’s disturbing to read accounts of bad practice. To the pp who suggested those who train in mid-life are less likely to be effective therapists, many people do this as a second career and are highly effective therapists. I qualified at 50 and, no, I wasn’t motivated by my own therapy or being told I was a ‘good listener’ though both are not in themselves the worst motives for going into therapy as a profession. Try Counselling Directory or the BACP register to find someone you can be sure is appropriately qualified, insured and registered.

I'm sorry you had this experience OP. It sounds like you have been to a bad therapist. They shouldn't be making you feel judged and their political views shouldn't have any impact on the work with you. Really counsellors shouldn't disclose much at all it's your space to be heard and empathised with.

You can use this directory to find a therapist accredited by the BACP www.bacp.co.uk/search/Therapists

To add to this Op, you can search for someone with the right specialism and you can have a look around and find someone who is the right fit for you. The first session should really be about working that out before you commit. I've seen various therapists in my time and for really good work to happen a relationship needs to be built over time but you can get a sense of what they are like in the first session. I also had one really bad experience of counselling which was years ago on the NHS and I came away feeling very judged. However, all the private practice therapists I've seen have been really good.

@timestablestimestwo

The one I go to is lovely. Never minimises or invalidates my experiences and has helped me so much already esp in terms of setting boundaries with my toxic family.

The organisation is called Breakthrough Trauma Recovery and they are based in Bath area but could probably do phone or zoom based if you asked.

It is worth holding out for good therapy.

@damselindedress

I'm sorry you had this experience OP. It sounds like you have been to a bad therapist. They shouldn't be making you feel judged and their political views shouldn't have any impact on the work with you. Really counsellors shouldn't disclose much at all it's your space to be heard and empathised with.

You can use this directory to find a therapist accredited by the BACP www.bacp.co.uk/search/Therapists

They certainly shouldn't be imposing their views on their clients. Therapy is about the client not the latest ban dwagon, however worthy the cause may be

I’m sorry to hear that you’ve had these negative experiences. For what it’s worth I would look at therapist on the BACP website and the counselling directory if you haven’t already

This is completely bizarre. Are they accredited? If so please report them and If not find someone who belongs to a properly accredited organisations.

I’d strongly suggest anyone book assessment sessions with 3, then you can pick the person you think will work best and review regularly.

Good luck

Not entirely clear what polygamy has to do with exposing children to sex acts tbh Also not clear what "indiscreetly polygamous" means. Most second/third etc wives arent hidden.