Waiting for ex to pick up the kids

[boxingday2020]

He should have been here at 5pm, still waiting. Can't get hold of him, the children are frustrated and tired of waiting.

It's early 7pm. How long should I wait before telling him I'll put the kids to bed.

Last time I did this after waiting for him for 3 hours I was accused of keeping the kids from him. Don't know what to do.

I feel like telling him see you next Saturday and not open the door if he shows up at 8-9pm?

What an asshole he is, poor kids. Least they have you op.

He is an utter arse.
If it suits you, in the future, tell the dc a time an hour later than you and he agreed. Or not mention his coming to pick them at all.
Whatever, his utter disrespect of you and dc is utterly breathtaking.
Log it all.

Maybe in the back of your mind have a 'thing' to do which gets you and dc out of house. If he finally rolls up, no answer at the door.

If their usual bed time is 8pm he needs to be picking them up in time to get them back to his and settled.
Was he supposed to give them their tea ?

Did he turn up?

Make sure you send a text or e-mail so he can't accuse you of denying visit. "Your agreed pickup time was 5pm. The children have been ready and waiting for 3 hours - with no message from you." It is now their bedtime and they are hungry and cranky. I am feeding them and putting them to bed now.
Your next scheduled visit is (day, date, time). Please text me to confirm you will be here to pick them up. If I do not get confirmation by (day and date) I will make other plans to occupy the children.

My dad used to do this. He'd rock up hours later than scheduled. It still affects me 40 years later, if I'm waiting for someone, I'm a ball of anxiety and literally cannot do anything else apart from countdown backwards from 10 in my head over and over again whilst looking out the window. It was a coping technique I developed as a 5 year old. At least my dad had the excuse of no mobile phones in those days but it's one thing (amongst many of him being an unreliable part time father ) that had a lasting impact.

15 mins grace, unfair to the children tohave them waiting 3 hours

i hope they are in bed now and send him a text to make sure its in writing

That's a shame for the kids. What a prick.

My ex did this. And would be late bringing dd back. I hated it.
Definitely keep a record.

I've just put the kids to bed, and still haven't heard from him. He hasn't been online since 4.30 😳. Just texted him to say they're in bed now, and I can drop them off tomorrow morning.

@chuffoff wow so sorry to hear that, can't believe it's affected you that bad after so many years

What a dick. Don’t drop them off tomorrow. If he’s meant to collect them, he needs to do so.

Tell him they’ll be available to collect between 9 and 10, or whatever works for you, and if he’s not in touch with you or got them by 10 then that’s it, you’ll be out.

What. A. Dick.

He's a dickhead in the highest form!

Why are you dropping them off?

Sorry if I've missed additional backstory from other threads and I know you've said he's done this once before but do you think there's a possibility he might not be ok?

I've had to do this told my ex i took the kids to work with me in the end he was four hours late at this point he called me all kinds of names accused me of putting the children at risk and said I was a bad parent he was ringing me up screaming and begging me to tell him where the children were saying I had put them in danger really wailed about it (I was cleaning an office in a mobile phone dead spot do I picked up the many many messages later) he swore up and down he would never do it again following week he no showed again I had to quit that job

Why have you offered to drop them off??? Surely that makes him think it’s just fine for him to not bother turning up?!

i agree with above - donot drop them off !!

you are facilitating this shitshow parenting if you do,let him collect

@Winterwoollies

Why have you offered to drop them off??? Surely that makes him think it’s just fine for him to not bother turning up?!

I would have thought because the children presumably want to, and are expecting to see their dad and their mum wants to make sure that happens for them without further delay.

It's really awful of him to not communicate with you. The only acceptable excuse is if something serious has happened, but even then if he has access to a phone, he should have messaged you.

OP is probably dropping kids off because they want to see their dad and that way by dropping them off she can avoid another day of waiting.

What a cock!

I’m not suggesting that they don’t see their dad, just that the useless piece of shite comes to get them himself, as he should have done today. What a total failure of a father.

I’d put boundaries in place moving forward. 15 minutes grace. Frame it as being in best interests of children. Because it is. Listen to @chuffoff.

Let’s see if he cancels on them tomorrow too.

has he been in touch yet @boxingday2020? I dont know any backstory but i hope hes ok.