To be irrationally irritated by the "only on Mumsnet" riposte?

[thepeopleversuswork]

You see this on almost every thread: someone pops up to say: "I've only ever seen this on Mumsnet, I've never heard of this in real life." Or the bitching about how privileged or metropolitan people are on Mumsnet. I just don't think this is fair.

Don't get me wrong, Mumsnet can be incredibly irritating at times: some threads upset me and some get nasty and turn into spiteful pile-ons (particularly on AIBU). And people can be sanctimonious or downright bitchy and often bring their baggage to the table. And so on.

But the one thing you can say for MN is that all (English-speaking) human life is here: you get a massively diverse range of opinion from people from all walks of life. I've seen posts from people on here who are clearly extremely erudite and some who are obviously well connected and others from people who are barely literate and really struggling with life.

You may get skews on some threads (eg people who've had unpleasant divorces on relationships etc). And obviously men, and arguably ethnic minorities, are under-represented here. It's also true that the internet amplifies strong opinions because of the anonymity.

But overall this is an incredibly diverse group of women much more so than you'd get in the average magazine and most of us are bloody lucky to have access to this broad a group of people to communicate with. I have no problem with people criticising MN but this strikes me as a lazy cliché from people who can't think of any other way to disagree with people.

Oh come on. Genuinely, in all of my years, I have never heard anyone else complain when you've got tradesmen in and one of them needs to use the toilet. On mumsnet, it's disgusting for them to use the toilet. Back in the real world, it's a fucking toilet.

And not answering the door? Never met anyone who wouldn't answer the door. But mumsnet is full of them.

Not answering the door is hilarious. I honestly think you'd have to go a long way to find someone who hits the floor when the doorbell goes and commando crawls behind the sofa but they are ten a penny here.

There many things I read about on here that I never come across in real life If I comment on that it's not a lazy cliche it's an observation.

Weird views on answering the door or what time you can send a text for example.

Don't agree. Only on MN can you get people saying oh no. It's not only on MN. It is.

I don’t answer my door unless I know it’s a delivery or the postie. That’s because if someone turns up and wants to have a complicated discussion about something I don’t have the language skills (French) to converse.

I can have a quick exchange with a courier or the postie but anything more complex I look like a goldfish who has recently had a stroke.

OK but these are isolated anecdotes... its big picture isn't it? Everyone has friends who do things we think are a bit bonkers, like the above. I have friends with all sorts of weird neuroses. I don't go around saying: "Only in my friendship group would people do x".

It's weird to take a random cross-section of the world and insist that its subject to some strange rules. People are weird, their views aren't standard. That's what makes life interesting.

@satnighttakeaway

There many things I read about on here that I never come across in real life If I comment on that it's not a lazy cliche it's an observation.

Weird views on answering the door or what time you can send a text for example.

But this is exactly my point. People don't put this sort of thing across in real life because they know other people will think its weird.

They do it on MN because its an anonymous forum and they think they can be frank about it.

@WhereverIGoddamnLike

Oh come on. Genuinely, in all of my years, I have never heard anyone else complain when you've got tradesmen in and one of them needs to use the toilet. On mumsnet, it's disgusting for them to use the toilet. Back in the real world, it's a fucking toilet.

And not answering the door? Never met anyone who wouldn't answer the door. But mumsnet is full of them.

you couldn't prove the point better.

I know plenty. On the other hand, I don't know anyone who can't afford to go on at least 1 holiday a year. So according to you, anyone pretending that they are financially struggling to much for holidays are lying?

I'd add in not answering unknown or withheld numbers.

I'm one of the skint scousers on here. There's a lot more money and privilege on here than I've experienced, even when I've done professional jobs. Stressed? Hire a cleaner, get everything from M&S or waitrose. The 'am I eccentric because I don't have my heating on all of the time' was a really 'how the other half live', moment.

I've never met people in rl who struggle with handling things, the way women on here do. But I do think that obviously an online forum will attract people who have a range of issues.

I genuinely don’t answer the door unless expecting something/someone. When I was a kid we had debt collectors round all the time and can remember my mum on numerous occasions saying “shush hide”. We were taught someone at the door was something to be feared. I’d got over it and then had an abusive relationship. I went into a refuge, got rehoused etc then one day I innocently opened the door and he was standing there. I had to move again, it was horrible. After that I couldn’t do it anymore. If someone persistently rings the bell it actually raises my heart rate and I feel panic. I don’t live on the ground floor now so no one can see me when they ring the bell.

Generally I don’t disclose all that when these threads come up. But point is, you can’t know why people act as they do. Maybe it’s “only on MN’ that people feel they can be honest.

There many things I read about on here that I never come across in real life If I comment on that it's not a lazy cliche it's an observation.

same here
and many things I didn't know were a thing

@heseesyouwhenyouaresleeping, the difference is that you know they exist because food banks exist.

Posters put things as though they are the norm, but a lot of things on MN aren't.

Ponoka7 I can understand where you're coming from... but for everyone saying: "hire a cleaner", there's another person saying they would die before they'd let someone else clean their house for them. Or whatever.

There are obviously some pretty privileged people on here but there are just as many who are struggling to meet ends meet.

The fact that you get such different approaches on this forum makes it quite unique IMO.

There are certain issues which seem to be specific to Mumsnet, which come up again, and again, and again, and again, always with the same general direction. With those threads, you know what they will be like before you even open them. Examples are shoes on in the house, workmen using the loo (see above), words I don't like, people who believe in God, husband's hobby which is too outing to name, and many more. You can play bingo with those threads.

And more recently, only on Mumsnet is there so much competitive polishing of haloes around the issue of 2020 which we cannot name, yet is supposedly affecting the whole world.

wanderings but for every thread on workmen using the loo or whatever, you will get a proper debate. For every person saying its disgusting that the workmen are using the loo someone else will tell the poster they are being a neurotic snob.

Yes you may get some weird peccadillos and snobberies but people get challenged on them. That's the beauty of it!

I think there are plenty of things that I've only ever heard of on Mumsnet and not in my real life experience. It doesn't mean that I think those posters are lying or that it doesn't exist in real life, but for me they are very definite 'only on Mumsnet' things.

I'd add in not answering unknown or withheld numbers

I don’t. On the other hand I do answer the door. The thing that amazes me is the miniscule things people get bent out of shape by - neighbours crossing a drive was a cracker.

@WhereverIGoddamnLike
Both those examples are from my life - I was delighted to find some MNers felt the same.

And if I had a husband who cycled in lycra, I'd be ashamed, too. Riding a bike in an ordinary way is fine, It's the lycra-clad obsessives blocking the roads and causing hazards - if you had one of those at home, you'd keep quiet about it.

Its not only on mn that people don't answer the door. I was put dor a run one night and found someone's poor dog roaming around a pretty middle class area, not very posh but the type of people who put key coded gates on their driveway, but you could step over the wall next to the gate 🤣. I chapped on 5 doors (of the houses I could get into) it was onmy 6.30 ish, could see lights and tvs on, not one person answered their door.

There's been loads of things debated on here (it's been 9 years for me) that I have never come across in RL. Some of the things that bother people on MN wouldn't even raise an eyebrow with me though.

I never ever answer my door

I don't have a toilet brush or a bathroom bin though. I never have bathroom bins stink, and I vowed that o would never have one as it was one of my chores as a teen to empty the bins and I fuckkng hated doing the bathroom bin, and toilet brushed give me the boak. I did get one when I first moved out but then toddler ds discovered it and became a bit obsessed with it, so ut went in the bin and I never got another one.

Is not opening the door a thing? I never open the door at night, it's probably going to be someone trying to sell me some tea towels.

Something that I've read often on mumsnet that surprises me is wrt Wills. A poster's mum dies, her elderly father marries a 50 year old with 3 grown up kids and changes his will to leave everything to the new wife. Such that if her father died, she gets nothing but the 50 year old wife's kids will get it all. She gets told by the majority that she's unreasonable to question it as it's her father's money to do with as he sees fit. I've seen these posts time and time again.
On the back of such posts, I have very specifically said to my husband that should anything happen to me, our offspring is to get everything up to the point of my death - so the family home/current ISA value etc. Any future spouse should not be left our future home.

One I do see is that unmarried mothers with "partners" find it strange that on mumsnet, the stance is that you should marry your partner. They see it as old fashioned/a bit of paper etc. How quaint. And yet unless their careers have not taken a backseat during the childhood years, they are deliberately putting themselves in a precarious financial position and entirely at the mercy of their STBX's generosity. Why anyone would choose to do that is truly beyond me. Do they categorically not realise they are fucking themselves up the ass?

I have a toilet brush, a bathroom bin (with a liner and emptied daily- nice for visitors to be able to use) I answer the door after looking out of the window to see who it is, I answer the landline phone (even after the MN 9pm cut off). I really should not be here.

On MN you must never, ever, ever do your husband's laundry . But he's allowed to do yours .