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Original poster

Gavin & Stacey friendship envy

32 replies

Rosepaperblue · 26/12/2020 16:03

Mid-way through my annual binge-watch of the Gavin & Stacey Christmas specials and it's got me thinking about the friendship dynamics. Gavin & Smithy, Stacey & Nessa, Pam, Mick, Dawn & Peter, the bonds are just incredible. I know it's just TV, but I can't help but wish I was lucky enough to have even one friend like that. Friends who truly love you, who know everything about you, know the same people you do, shares in-jokes and little catchphrases or sayings with you....the type who knows your parents and pours themselves a drink and makes themselves at home in your house.

I don't think I've had anything remotely like it since I left school! With the few friends I have it's all polite chit-chat over a coffee every few weeks. I'm not a particularly gregarious person.

I know plenty of people will come on to say that it's all fiction and dramatised for TV but I know there must be plenty of people lucky enough to have these kind of friendships.

How do you form such close bonds with people after you leave school? And particularly if you don't have children/mum-friends?

OP posts:
ChablisandCrisps · 26/12/2020 16:21

I totally feel you OP. Im 36 and have acquaintances from work but not any actual friends anymore. I struggle with programmes like G&S for this reason, makes me sad Sad

Bettyboop82 · 26/12/2020 21:24

I have a friend like this. We have been friends since school and we are more like family. I feel very lucky!

RudeAF · 26/12/2020 21:26

I do know plenty of people who have these types of bonds. To achieve it though they have had to stay in our crap (to me) hometown which wouldn’t have been for me. Swings and roundabouts!

Daydreamsinglorioustechnicolor · 26/12/2020 21:26

I know. And I really wanted to try and create that for my DC, big group of extended friends etc but its just me and 2 DC.... I don't know how to do it.

Imissmoominmama · 26/12/2020 21:27

I have two friends like that; both I’ve known since the 70s.

I’ve had intense friendships in between, but they aren’t as authentic.

IMNOTSHOUTING · 26/12/2020 21:30

YANBU especially since they both have kids similar age, how cool would that be? I'm also jealous of Stacey's relationship with her mum and uncle.

Fairydustrust · 26/12/2020 21:34

I've had good close friends from school, work etc formed early and young but found that as I get older, I have less and less friends. Each time circumstances change, I've lost good friends (not arguments or anything but just not the same, priorities change, distance etc) and it just isn't easy to replace any. I think that's why this type of programme is so popular, it just idealises everything. Things about people that would drive you mad in real life seem sweet and funny. Probably a lot of people feel like this op.

Havlerr · 26/12/2020 21:36

YANBU I think this every time I watch it, especially Smithy and how he’s friends with not just Gavin but his whole family. Planning on having just one DC and neither of us are close with our families so worried about how to make her part of a big group of friends when I barely have any myselfConfused

FippertyGibbett · 26/12/2020 21:39

I don’t have any friends out of work.
I’d love to have had the friendships that my DM had.

Dreamymcdreamer · 26/12/2020 21:40

I think a lot of friendships like that form when you've met them really young as kids/teens - that's how the characters in g&s met anyway.

On the flip side it can make them intense and mean they live in each others pockets (smithy being upset when gavin went on honeymoon for example) or mean that they dont have many other friends (stacey and nessa)

I also think that as a pp said you probably need to have all stayed in your home town for those friendships to have staying power into adulthood, again as demonstrated with the characters.

I think the relationship between pam and mick and pete and dawn is probably the one I envy as they're in their "older" years and get drunk, smoke weed (in the latest xmas special from last year!) and have a laugh. Obviously I wouldn't want a relationship like pete and dawn but I'd love a friendship like Pam and Dawn's when I'm their age!

tttigress · 26/12/2020 21:40

As you say it's just TV.

Although my mum and dad have had a number of friends for life that they met at school, however I think part of the problem is people move away from their local area or home town.

Maybe that isn't actually a problem because they are gaining in other parts of their life, it's hard to say really.

DressingGownofDoom · 26/12/2020 21:42

I think most people with friendships like that, their parents have been friendly with each other first so they've grown up in and out of each other's houses.

Kljnmw3459 · 26/12/2020 21:44

I know what you mean OP. I'd love to have friends like that too but in reality I'm much more of a loner and don't like people being in my space constantly.

IEat · 26/12/2020 21:48

Last 3 years and I now have 2 very good friends, people I cry with, laugh with, be myself with. One make one female and I absolutely adore them both. Tough times and I know they’re there.likewise I’m there for either of them. I’m almost 50 and it’s taken this long. I know people, I chat, I have a great time...but these 2 are just amazing

jrb123 · 26/12/2020 22:13

I think it's partly a matter of luck - don't be hard on yourself if you haven't had it. And don't forget that this is a beautifully idealised but ultimately totally fictional portrayal of life. You only have to read the many sad friendship threads on MN to realise that real life friendships are fraught with problems. Flowers

Ohhgreat · 26/12/2020 22:18

It took me until I was 30, but I do now have a friendship I would liken to Nessa and Stacey. As in, we're really close, would tell each other anything, could trust with my life. Although theres one episode where stacey and nessa were happy to have sex in the same room (with men, not each other) and I don't think I would go that far!

Brighterthansunflowers · 26/12/2020 22:30

YANBU

I was most upset in my early 20s to realise that the Friends holidays were a big fat lie and while I would’ve been thrilled to have Christmas with my mates, they all went back to their parents houses every year.

My best friend now I used to spend a lot of time with her and her parents (who she lives with), even went on holiday with them. She’s definitely the kind of friend I can call on in an emergency and who I never have to put on a front with.

MichelleScarn · 26/12/2020 22:37

Watching Friday Night Dinner and jealous of Val and Jacqui's friendship!

PreRaphaeliteMotherhood · 26/12/2020 22:38

I’ve been binge watching Cougar Town recently (nice brainless nighttime watching when breastfeeding, don’t judge me!) and it’s genuinely made me quite sad that I don’t have those kinds of close friendships or a ‘gang’ to call my own. I’m really lucky to have a DH who is absolutely my best friend, and family (mine and DH’s) who we are really close to and have great relationships with, and I do have some playgroup mum friends, old school friends, and sports club friends, but I do feel like I’m missing really close friends these days. I’m never going to be part of a big gang of girls on a hen-do for example.

whenwillthemadnessend · 26/12/2020 22:41

I used to have a boyfriend from Essex and his family were very much like gavins. His friends would be round all the time and be treated like family. Maybe it really is an Essex thing.

suziesue45 · 26/12/2020 22:41

Thats exactly how i feel OP. Ive got friends at work but no one close and none that have ever been to my house or done anything out of work. Its just me and my DD and its so lonely at times. We should start a group 😄

TheDaydreamBelievers · 26/12/2020 22:44

University is where I made the closest friends I have. I think you typically need a period of flux to form friendships that deep - this means they usually form during teens or early 20s, or periods of flux like bereavement or divorce. It's also a matter of luck, and of these friendships still working as things begin to settle

pinkdragons · 26/12/2020 22:46

I don't have friendships like that.
But growing up my parents did. They had a very close group of friends who they knew from University. Group holidays, Friday takeaways, Sunday walks, bonfire night chilly bbqs, kids who were 'family friends' and I thought of a family.
I thought having this sort of thing was guaranteed.
What I have subsequently learnt is; it takes a hell of a lot of commitment!! Arranging things in advance, No flakiness, thinking of others, being hospitable and up for organising and attending very frequently.

I have the internet, Netflix, SM and to be honest I'm more selfish than they ever were.

Fishfingersandwichplease · 26/12/2020 22:50

One of my best mate's mum makes me a birthday cake every year, another one does me Christmas treats every year and those two girls are my besties for life - in fact we have already said we will all move in together when we are old ladies! No nursing home for us! We cry with laughter together and one of them got the right hump when l moved house because you needed a key to get in unlike my old house where she could just let herself in. And we are in Essex so maybe it is an Essex thing although l never would have thought that!

changednamforthis · 26/12/2020 22:53

I watched it again last night and completely get this! It did make me laugh and feel a bit envious just so many lovely things like Smithy turning up and the 'Step into Christmas' song they were singing. I also found it comical them talking about the best motorway services Grin

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