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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

New man driving me insane

37 replies

Magicra84 · 26/12/2020 15:12

I've been on five dates with a man who is really lovely and we seem to get on really well so far. The only problem is he finishes off almost everything he says with "so...." It is driving me insane and I'm finding I'm having to finish phone calls with him after a few minutes because of it. I don't know if it's because he's still in the nervous stage when speaking to me/with me in person, but I don't know what I can do!

He also phones me a few times a day. I don't really like speaking on the phone to anyone but when I try and shut down the conversation after a reasonable amount of time, he always comments something along the lines of "well, aww, if you have to go" then keeps me talking for longer! AIBU?

OP posts:

Sn0tnose · 26/12/2020 15:22

He might be lovely but if you’re already being driven insane by his way of talking, I’m not sure that this is going to last the distance.

Also, if he’s phoning you more times than you want to speak, you have the option of not answering the phone.

ChristmasAlone · 26/12/2020 15:28

Leave. I moved to Manchester for Uni and was with a local for about 18 month. Their accent irritated me at first, by the end of the relationship I wanted to throat punch them every time they opened their mouth.

Phone thing would get on my tits, I'm sure you'll have people telling you it's because he's possive and controlling. Just sounds like he a phone talker, I'm not and glad OH isn't either.

youvegottenminuteslynn · 26/12/2020 15:31

You don't know what to do?

You're dating someone who annoys you and who you don't enjoy chatting to, look forward to speaking to or share a compatible communication style with...

Just end it. That's what you do when you're dating someone and it's not working!

whatshalliget · 26/12/2020 15:34

I dated someone who kept on saying “I mean” - after seven dates he called whatever it was (we hadn’t got together) off, but I think the constant “I means” would have got on my nerves....

Burnthurst187 · 26/12/2020 15:36

I'd say at least 50% of threads on here are started So, blah blah blah

If I was talking to somebody and they kept starting conversations with the word So, I'd find them very annoying and poorly educated

Chamomileteaplease · 26/12/2020 15:40

But you are saying he finishes off everything he says! Not starts the sentence with "so". That seems strange. Or Irish? I am trying to imagine it and it seems to come out with an Irish accent.

The phoning thing is easily dealt with as you don't have to answer the phone but I would just assume that anyone who phoned me several times a day was an idiot so ......

If you really do like him I would suggest bringing his attention to the "so" because it seems a shame to miss out because of it. He may be able to stop .

LaLaLandIsNoFun · 26/12/2020 15:43

The manipulation would be a big no for me.

ChristmasUserName2020 · 26/12/2020 15:47

If he’s driving you mad already then dump him. I had this with someone and he had this really weird intonation where every sentence almost ended in a full stop. It’s so hard to explain but I can hear it in my head now (I also realise how petty it sounds) However, it was driving me bonkers and after I got the ick, that was it 🤮🤮

MatildaTheCat · 26/12/2020 15:48

He sounds a bit needy and insecure. At this early stage you should be thrilled to have him call you. Instead you can’t get rid of him when he calls you.

No go I’m afraid.

Thehop · 26/12/2020 15:50

Dump him

Aquamarine1029 · 26/12/2020 16:11

Dump and run. This is never going to work.

AcornAutumn · 26/12/2020 16:13

@youvegottenminuteslynn

You don't know what to do?

You're dating someone who annoys you and who you don't enjoy chatting to, look forward to speaking to or share a compatible communication style with...

Just end it. That's what you do when you're dating someone and it's not working!

So..yeah.

😂

Callipygion · 26/12/2020 16:23

When someone has a habit like this I point it out and would repeat it back every time they said it, so. But I’m mean when I’m annoyed 😁

N0ManJan · 27/12/2020 07:50

This sounds like my ex boyfriend from university. Once I noticed it the relationship was doomed. It drove me insane! In the end I would say “so?” every time he said it to which he would look at me blankly and reply “so... you know...”
I also did the rushing off the phone act and he’d say “aww you know... if you have to go... so” SO WHAT???? It was really irritating and definitely manipulative, he acted like a wounded puppy so you’d feel guilty and listen to him drone on for ten more minutes. No thanks. I’d cut it off while the relationship is so new

Djouce · 27/12/2020 07:56

He has a vocal tic you find irritating and he phones you several times a day after five dates, which you find irritating also, but it hasn’t occurred to you to dump him? (Have you said ‘Please stop phoning me — I hate phone calls’?)

FippertyGibbett · 27/12/2020 07:58

Time to move on.

StillCoughingandLaughing · 27/12/2020 07:58

It’s been five dates, not five years. File this one under ‘Nice bloke but annoying’ and move on.

Lookslikerainted · 27/12/2020 08:09

He’s not right for you op.

IamMariahScarey · 27/12/2020 08:15

@Burnthurst187

I'd say at least 50% of threads on here are started So, blah blah blah

If I was talking to somebody and they kept starting conversations with the word So, I'd find them very annoying and poorly educated

Poorly educated 🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄

DoubleTweenQueen · 27/12/2020 08:18

You're just not that into him. Move on.

CandidaAlbicans2 · 27/12/2020 08:25

But you are saying he finishes off everything he says! Not starts the sentence with "so". That seems strange. Or Irish? I am trying to imagine it and it seems to come out with an Irish accent.

@Chamomileteaplease, you say you're trying to imagine it, then in the next sentence you actually do it yourself... "The phoning thing is easily dealt with as you don't have to answer the phone but I would just assume that anyone who phoned me several times a day was an idiot so......! 😄 I've heard lots of people end sentences with "so", it's not that unusual.

mistermagpie · 27/12/2020 08:33

Maybe he's nervous? I did a training course recently delivered by someone I know fairly well, he literally ended every sentence with 'sorta thing', it was SO annoying and made no sense related to what he had actually said. It was like 'and then you download the file sorta thing'...

The thing is, he doesn't do that normally so it must have been the nerves. I don't think he knew he was doing it, but I couldn't have dated someone who did that constantly. I might give him another chance if everything else is good but if he keeps doing it then it would really put me off.

disneybee · 27/12/2020 08:44

Maybe he's just been watching a bit too much Schitt's Creek, so...

GreenlandTheMovie · 27/12/2020 08:47

I'm always baffled when people date other people they don't like much.

How does he have the time to phone do much? Doesn't he have a job?

nosswith · 27/12/2020 08:48

End the relationship. You have found out fairly quickly so not too painful I hope.

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