Who was AIBU "going on"

[ohfordogsake]

We need a kitchen overhaul- mainly consisting of changing out the old AGA for something more practical.

I found the perfect replacement on EBay yesterday, and talked about it.

Today DP wanted to spend the day in bed watching movies. I took DC to their dads as arranged, and came home. Joined DP.

He picked a movie and I was half watching, half reading things online.

I started talking again about the plans/ideas and DP snapped at me, Said I just can't leave things, and can I just stop going on about 'jobs' - it's Xmas and I couldn't even not talk about it on Xmas day.

I said I'm not asking him to DO anything, just thinking out loud/chatting. And he has now gone out.

I think he is being an arse- but AIBU?

Was he trying to watch the movie and you kept talking? Was that the problem really (not that you were talking about the kitchen)? That can be a bit annoying tbh!

I hate it when I’m watching a movie with someone and they try and start a full blown conversation about something. It’s really rude and annoying.

Hmm possibly but He usually talks through most movies anyway- I think he just felt I was expecting him to "hop to it" and join in making plans when I really was just thinking out loud.

He's touchy about 'jobs' as he doesn't do as much as he should, and he assumes he is expected to do things that he cannot do (because he's a man) when I'm happy to get a tradesman in.

Ok so the 2 replies so far make me think maybe I am being U

If you were talking during the film - sounds like it? - YWBU. Annoying, and rude.

More generally... what is to one person exciting new kitchen plans is to another just a PITA money pit chore. So I get that he might not have wanted to talk about it yesterday.

Had he asked you not to talk about it before? Some people like talking about house renovation stuff and that's fine but to me it would be like talking about the big self assessment tax form I have to fill out and I wouldn't want someone to keep bringing it up while I was trying to relax. That said he could have just said 'can we talk about it some other day, it's stressing me out and I want to watch the film'. Not sure why he had to make such a huge deal out of it.

I think I'm with your DP to be honest. You may not have been asking him to actually do anything physical, but you also weren't engaging in your (presumably limited) child free time with him, because you were only half watching the film and half planning the kitchen. And then you started talking about the kitchen which means he had to stop what he was doing to engage with you on it.

Is it time sensitive, does bidding end in the next few hours so you needed to know how high he thought you would bid etc? Or was it more "so when we get this oven we can paint the walls this colour" etc? Because one makes sense and the other would be annoying.

I would have watched the film in bed with him snuggled up, with no kitchen chat at all. When it had finished I'd probably raise the subject of the kitchen and see if he felt like talking about it.

I'd be fed up with someone talking about practicalities in that situation too.

No he hasn't asked me not to talk about it before.

Yes- it's the making a big deal out of it that has upset me, I think only about 10 words were exchanged. And he got up/dressed/"I'm going out"

I can see it might be annoying but I really feel that he shouldn't be telling me what to talk/think about.

He shouldn't have snapped and stormed off out though, that was silly of him.

YABU. It was Xmas day - who wants to talk about buying a new oven??? 🤷‍♀️

Sorry OP but there's nothing worse than trying to relax and chill out either over Xmas or while wathcing a film, and someone else is enthusiastically talking about jobs/home improvement/whatever.

Neither are being unreasonable really, but it's a case of reading the mood/choosing your moments.

Either you are watching a film in which case no talking.
Or you are planning home refurbishment.

He is relaxing and watching a film.

You were v v v unreasonable

Ouch!
Ok I will take that I was U.

I can see it might be annoying but I really feel that he shouldn't be telling me what to talk/think about.

He's not telling you that.

He's telling you what he doesn't want to talk/think about right now.

Neither are unreasonable really. I'm an over-planner and I like chatting out loud, so I can relate to you. I think it's just about finding a better moment to do so, but storming out seems a bit of an overreaction.

You were on Ebay looking for a new Aga and talking about a kitchen overhaul on Christmas Day?

And when your DP is trying to watch a movie on Boxing Day, you start up wittering on about it again?

Have a day off - it's Christmas.

@WorraLiberty - but surely reacting like that and leaving over what is, ok, irritating, but minor- is essentially training me to "toe the line" or it will end like that?

What do you all talk about on Xmas day?? It's 12+ hours with the same people I am with for almost every other day of the year, I didn't see anything wrong with having normal conversations as I would any other day?

I wouldn't limit it to special festive chat.

I agree that he overreacted massively.

@PlanDeRaccordement

I hate it when I’m watching a movie with someone and they try and start a full blown conversation about something. It’s really rude and annoying.

God, yes. And I can understand your DP wanting a bit of time 'off' from normal life too. It sounds like you think new kitchen stuff is exciting, he just sees it as a chore. I don't think he sounds like an arse, he just got a bit irritated by the sounds of it.

Goodness - that is a bit of a jump.

I get up and go elsewhere when I can’t get peace.

He probably just wanted a day of peace. And you had already talked about it.

YABU.he was watching a movie, which is perfectly acceptable thing to do on Christmas Day. It wasn’t the time for you to start wittering on about cookers.

[quote ohfordogsake]@WorraLiberty - but surely reacting like that and leaving over what is, ok, irritating, but minor- is essentially training me to "toe the line" or it will end like that? [/quote]
It depends really.

I generally try to keep a bit of an open mind when hearing just one side of a story because if the other person was 'in the room' so to speak, they may well point out that this was the straw that broke the camel IYSWIM?

It does seem like a massive over reaction if that's literally the only time this has happened.

I think it was just poor communication on his part. Why didn't he just say, can we talk about this another day as I just want to relax right now.