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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I being over sensitive or is DH being a non?

64 replies

HCPor · 26/12/2020 09:25

Name changed and changed a few details but the issue remains the same.

I recently qualified as a MW and start my new job in just over a week.
Life has been busy with Christmas so it hasn't really sunk in!

I said to DD this morning, "I've just realised, I'm an actual healthcare professional now. A professional!"
DH walked in and I said it to him, and he didn't reply. Then said "you need to be earning money to be a professional."

Completely pissing on my chips. I was having a whoop moment and he batted me back down.
He drove it home by repeating himself and explaining how I wasn't a professional etc.

It seems such a childish thing to quibble about but I felt like he was deliberately trying to make me feel stupid.

OP posts:
Stargazer2404 · 26/12/2020 09:28

That is so mean. You were obviously excited about it and hes put a downer on your mood. Yanbu in my opinion, id be pretty mad

Travis1 · 26/12/2020 09:32

What a walloper he is. Anything to keep the little
Woman in her place. I assume you were a SAHM
before? He doesn’t like you gaining your independence and he’ll probably make
Things difficult when you start work.

AnneLovesGilbert · 26/12/2020 09:34

What a dick. Is he jealous?

Pinkiii · 26/12/2020 09:34

He sounds like a jealous knob. What does he do?

A professional is someone who has qualified for their job imo which you have, congratulations!! you should be very proud of yourself, hope your daughter is also proud of her mum.

AtlasPine · 26/12/2020 09:37

He sounds jealous. Does he have a professional job? If so, perhaps he likes being the only one in the house who does. Very odd and unkind response, designed to put you down.

QuantumJump · 26/12/2020 09:39

What an arsehole. Can't he just be pleased for you?

Pancakeorcrepe · 26/12/2020 09:39

Congratulations, it is an amazing achievement and you should be very proud of yourself.
What your husband did is very insensitive and cruel. Why does he want to take you down a notch or two instead of being proud of you and supportive? He sounds like a dick.

SpudsandGravy · 26/12/2020 09:41

He sounds horrible Thanks

Original poster
HCPor · 26/12/2020 09:45

He's been supportive throughout the training.
I haven't been a SAHM for about 7 years.

It definitely felt like he wanted to bring me down a peg or two.

He isn't a professional but he works a very physically difficult job and I will be earning more than him.
I did wonder if that might be an issue.
If it is, I'm hoping it's just a passing one.

Made me feel stupid this morning though, and now he's hiding out in the bedroom being a moody git while I have all the kids in the living room with me.

OP posts:
justanotherneighinparadise · 26/12/2020 09:45

Listen to his words as they are telling you his thoughts. He thinks you haven’t contributed to the household and potentially you’ve accumulated debt with your training? He’s pissed off.

Original poster
HCPor · 26/12/2020 09:46

@justanotherneighinparadise

Listen to his words as they are telling you his thoughts. He thinks you haven’t contributed to the household and potentially you’ve accumulated debt with your training? He’s pissed off.
Zero debt.
OP posts:
MispyM · 26/12/2020 09:47

Wow. That sounds genuinely mean.

And you will be earning money soon. (as you said, new job).

Yanbu.

ghoulbag · 26/12/2020 09:47

@HCPor

He's been supportive throughout the training. I haven't been a SAHM for about 7 years.

It definitely felt like he wanted to bring me down a peg or two.

He isn't a professional but he works a very physically difficult job and I will be earning more than him.
I did wonder if that might be an issue.
If it is, I'm hoping it's just a passing one.

Made me feel stupid this morning though, and now he's hiding out in the bedroom being a moody git while I have all the kids in the living room with me.

Your last paragraph explains why he was looking to pick a fight.
Original poster
HCPor · 26/12/2020 09:47

I also worked and earned well for the first two years of training.

It was only in the third year that I didn't work because your mainly on placement.
And covid didn't help that pert either.

OP posts:
enjoyingscience · 26/12/2020 09:49

Yep, he’s jealous. What a horrible mean spirited thing to say to you.

You are absolutely a professional now by the way, and mega congratulations on your success.

PoppyFleur · 26/12/2020 09:49

I would have laughed at him, and pointed out how sad it was that he couldn’t be proud of you and didn’t understand the concept of a professional qualification.

Is there is a back story and he is always belittling your achievements? If not then could it be a daft poorly thought through comment that’s not worth your close examination?

Just tell him the comment hurt, that you respect his opinion and when he belittles your achievements it stings. Let him apologise and then move on.

Trisolaris · 26/12/2020 09:51

You have secured a paying job so his point is moot anyway, he’s just being a dick.

Original poster
HCPor · 26/12/2020 09:52

Let him apologise?

Hell would freeze over before he apologised for anything, ever.

OP posts:
AwaAnBileYerHeid · 26/12/2020 09:55

Congratulations on passing your degree. Midwifery is a very demanding course so you should be very proud of yourself.

One word springs to mind when reading your OP - jealously. That's his problem. You're the professional, you're the main earner now (or will be). Unless there is some backstory and you've flaunted your success in his face, which I doubt.

Comtesse · 26/12/2020 09:55

Incapable of apologising and actively unkind about your new profession? Is he always massively insecure then??

GertiMJN · 26/12/2020 09:55

He's wrong, as well as bring mean and petty.
professional
noun

a person engaged or qualified in a profession.

Congratulations OP!

dottiedodah · 26/12/2020 09:57

Well hes being a bit of a party pooper here for sure! Maybe he is feeling threatened as you will be earning more than him.Not really quite the same thing but somewhere I read that if one partner suddenly gets a Degree and the other doesnt can upset the balance a bit .If he is normally kind and supportive then maybe a silly throw away remark .Hopefully he will apologise .Seems to know hes in the wrong here as he is hiding away upstairs! Well done on your acheivement BTW .Dont let him spoil your moment!

Nottherealslimshady · 26/12/2020 09:58

Yeah if you were a fucking snooker player! You're a qualified health care professional.

Yummymummy2020 · 26/12/2020 10:00

Sounds like something my mum would say, jealousy by the sounds of it! Well done and you most definitely are a professional!!!!

GreenOlivesinGin · 26/12/2020 10:01

It was an insensitive thing for him to say for sure. I wonder though whether it was a reaction to feeling that maybe you were the one rubbing it in, that you are now a professional when he is not? I am not making excuses and I am not justifying it, but you say he has been supportive so far and I do think people interpret things in a way that plays up to their insecurities, which could apply to both of you here. And there is often a bit of an adjustment when the professional dynamic changes. The reality is, it is not possible to judge this by just one interaction. It may be an idea to calmly explain how you felt and see what he says.