Am I being over sensitive or is DH being a non?

[HCPor]

Name changed and changed a few details but the issue remains the same.

I recently qualified as a MW and start my new job in just over a week.
Life has been busy with Christmas so it hasn't really sunk in!

I said to DD this morning, "I've just realised, I'm an actual healthcare professional now. A professional!"
DH walked in and I said it to him, and he didn't reply. Then said "you need to be earning money to be a professional."

Completely pissing on my chips. I was having a whoop moment and he batted me back down.
He drove it home by repeating himself and explaining how I wasn't a professional etc.

It seems such a childish thing to quibble about but I felt like he was deliberately trying to make me feel stupid.

Thanks all.

Yes he is very insecure.

Congratulations and well done.

Welcome to the HCPC club.

Perhaps he resents your success if he feels he has carried the financial burden over the last few years? He must be quite lowly paid if you, as a band 5 new comer will be earning more. Unless you have another income stream I would imagine things have been quite stretched financially.
When my husband changed career and qualified as a teacher, he took me away for the weekend when he graduated, to say thanks for enabling him to do the course, as it meant that I had to do extra hours to carry the financial can by myself.

Congratulations it’s a wonderful achievement and you should be proud!

As for him he has the cheek to say what he did then think he can be moody in another room.

Go get right in there and tell him you don’t know what’s up with his arse this morning but sort it out now and get in the room with you and the kids. And as you walk away say “by the way, luckily for us midwives men like you don’t get to pick and choose what a professional is, isn’t that wonderful” smile and then walk off.

You are amazing so puff our your feathers and smile today x

@GreenOlivesinGin

It was an insensitive thing for him to say for sure. I wonder though whether it was a reaction to feeling that maybe you were the one rubbing it in, that you are now a professional when he is not? I am not making excuses and I am not justifying it, but you say he has been supportive so far and I do think people interpret things in a way that plays up to their insecurities, which could apply to both of you here. And there is often a bit of an adjustment when the professional dynamic changes. The reality is, it is not possible to judge this by just one interaction. It may be an idea to calmly explain how you felt and see what he says.

I hadn't thought of it like that.

Yes perhaps that's how he viewed it. I would never ever do that deliberately do that, but I can see how he might view it like that.

Congratulations on becoming a MW - one of the most important professions on Earth. Commiserations on being married to a Dementor.

@Serin

Congratulations and well done.

Welcome to the HCPC club.

Perhaps he resents your success if he feels he has carried the financial burden over the last few years? He must be quite lowly paid if you, as a band 5 new comer will be earning more. Unless you have another income stream I would imagine things have been quite stretched financially.
When my husband changed career and qualified as a teacher, he took me away for the weekend when he graduated, to say thanks for enabling him to do the course, as it meant that I had to do extra hours to carry the financial can by myself.

I hear you.

When I stopped working the last year to finish the degree, he took over the mortgage with the understanding that once I qualified, I would take over the mortgage for a year.
So I hope I can even it out that feeling.

When I stopped working the last year to finish the degree, he took over the mortgage with the understanding that once I qualified, I would take over the mortgage for a year.
So I hope I can even it out that feeling*

Jesus christ. Whatever happened to being a partnership? How very tit for tat. I wouldn't be happy to be in a relationship like that.

'Yes dear, do your course to better our lives as a family and bring more money in, but you must repay me what I put in to enable you to do that'.

Fuck that. Your 'D'h sounds like an arsehole. Get a new one, to go with your new job.

So you have to apologise and 'make it up' to him that you have bettered yourself and your prospects.

Was this paying the mortgage thing your concession to pander to his ego? To 'allow' you to continue your course?

You need rid op.

So you have to apologise and 'make it up' to him that you have bettered yourself and your prospects.

Was this paying the mortgage thing your concession to pander to his ego? To 'allow' you to continue your course?

You need rid op.

Is he feeling threatened by your new career? I really can't imagine being such a dick to my partner who was excited about a big achievement. Congratulations OP you ARE a healthcare professional now and you should feel proud of yourself.

Now he's gone running.

Didn't say anything, just upped and left.

I absolutely hate it when he does that. Imagine if I just upped and left without a word. The kids would be here by themselves if that's what he did as well.

So bloody disrespectful.
If the coffee shops were open I would be going out and doing the same.

I used to teach adults who were moving from either very poorly paid jobs which needed no qualifications or who were SAHPs. An awful lot of them ended up separating once they were qualified as their partners were happy with the previous imbalance of power/earnings and couldn't cope once things were equal.

Congratulations!

Ask him next time he is getting a blood test or prostate check (do nurses do this?) and as if it’s a ‘professional‘ doing the procedure or an enthusiast amateur?

Your updates reveal your his and is a cock nostril.

Huge congratulations

Husband is

You are a professional. Just because you haven't started your new job doesn't affect that. You have qualified into a profession, accepted employment in that profession, and are undoubtedly registered with the Health and Care Professions Council. Youare a professional.

And yes, he did CHOOSE to piss on your chips. And hoe does CHOOSE to never apologise. He is indeed a knob.

Do you have a friend you can meet to celebrate with? I’d be childish and pointedly say I’m going out with someone who is excited for me unlike anyone at home, bye.

The leaving without saying anything is really telling behaviour. No one who’s a good parent does that.

@timeisnotaline

Do you have a friend you can meet to celebrate with? I’d be childish and pointedly say I’m going out with someone who is excited for me unlike anyone at home, bye.

The leaving without saying anything is really telling behaviour. No one who’s a good parent does that.

I would in a shot if we weren't now in tier 4.

That was mean of him, but bloody well done to you!

Enjoy your new career.

So what exactly is he doing to improve the pay for people who have studied fucking hard, have a fucktonne of responsibilities (over peoples lives) and get paid a pittance ?

Fuck all. Like most men.

Is the tone of reply he deserves - in particular from you.

When I stopped working the last year to finish the degree, he took over the mortgage with the understanding that once I qualified, I would take over the mortgage for a year.

I find it sad that you're expected to 'pay him back' like this. You're married, surely what's yours should be his and vice versa.

Now he's gone running.
Didn't say anything, just upped and left.

He's reminding you that even though you're soon to be the main breadwinner, you're still the default parent in his eyes and he'll continue to do as he pleases. What a twat.

Men don’t like change do they?

He’s a jealous and mean spirited arse. Completely irrelevant whether you are earning money or not and anyway why couldn’t he just have let you have it?

Congratulations and ignore him.

He sounds like a right tosser. He hasn't supported you, he's loaned you some money essentially.

And fuck the "well maybe he's feeling threatened by you having a qualification and earning more than him" why? Because he's the man so he should earn more money? How many women here criticise their husbands achievements because they feel threatened by them earning more than them? Is he expecting her to stay one peg below him at all times? Is he going to keep sulking until he qualifies as something he deems to be superior to midwifery?