Friend texted my fiancé and not me

[littlebow1]

AIBU to think it's odd that one of my friends texted my fiancé "merry Christmas to both of you" instead of texting me it?
He met my friend through me, so obviously doesn't know her as well as I do. (I didn't get a message off her)

AIBU to think it's odd?

I’m absolutely not trying to be Cool Girl at all but I don’t think I’d even think twice about this. You’re going to distance yourself from a friend you speak to often because she sent a happy Christmas BOTH of you message to your fiancé?

Very odd. I've known my friend's DH for about 12 years longer than I've known her (and his name is earlier in the alphabet so higher up in my phone contacts) but I'd never dream of texting him instead of her.

@toocold54 yes he replied because I told him to as I didn't want him to look petty (he's almost 40) even though he thought it was odd himself.

Could it be that she was on her laptop (so facebook messenger but no whatsapp) and either got a new phone so was moving things across or just couldnt be arsed finding her phone. Maybe check what time she was last on whatsapp, she could have even left her phone somewhere so was sending quick facebook messages and came across him before you.

[quote littlebow1]@OhOkayThenx I know what I said and I'm not being defensive at all.
I can't see how having your DP phone password is classed as being "insecure".
I thought most people have their partners passwords unless they had something to hide. [/quote]
I didn't say you were 'insecure' so not sure why you said that.
See, people are allowed to have private things without them being classed as having something to hide.

Anyway, agree to disagree.

@OhOkayThenx insecure/trust issues, same thing.

I never said people were not allowed private things. You're saying it as if I go through his phone daily which I've already stated that is not the case.

[quote littlebow1]@OhOkayThenx insecure/trust issues, same thing.

I never said people were not allowed private things. You're saying it as if I go through his phone daily which I've already stated that is not the case.

[/quote]
Okay

@OhOkayThenx why would OP be insecure/have trust issues because she knows the password to his phone? 😂 I know my DPs, he knows mine, we occasionally answer each other’s phones or look something up if we’re busy - bit weird to think this isn’t a perfectly normal thing! But maybe you have had issues which means you think this way?

Anyway OP I would think that was really weird of your friend, unless they were super best friends I can’t imagine texting any of my friend’s partners merry Christmas! Unless there was anything else going on, but seems unlikely if he isn’t protective of his phone (unless he has secret messaging apps etc!)

Having another persons phone password doesn’t scream of being insecure or having trust issues to me. I’m happy to share my passcode with friends/ family if they have reason to get into my phone and I know the passcode to several of my friends phones, I even have my fingerprint registered to the phone belonging to one of my [male] friends as for a time we were doing a lot of journeys together and it was helpful for me to be able to quickly unlock his phone when he was driving to get directions or reply to messages etc for him.

I see the passcode on my phone as something to protect it from strangers should it ever be lost or stolen and not as something to stop friends or family members from using it, I have nothing particular to hide and I trust my friends/ family not to snoop and read private emails/ messages etc so I don’t feel the need to take efforts to ensure they can’t access the phone. To be honest I’m surprised there are people who don’t know the passcodes to their partners phones as if living together I can think of loads of situations where you might want to unlock it to do something mundane (look up a recipe, Google a fact, text a mutual friend etc) and where they would off-handedly give you the passcode to allow this, if a partner is super protective of their password to me that would scream that either they’re hiding something or they don’t trust their partner not to spy on them.

[quote littlebow1]@OhOkayThenx insecure/trust issues, same thing.

I never said people were not allowed private things. You're saying it as if I go through his phone daily which I've already stated that is not the case.

[/quote]
Yeah daily would be insane.....bi weekly?

My husband and I both have each other's passwords for our phones! Why wouldn't we? Neither of us forced the information out of the other, we just offered it freely at some point like, my phone is charging beside him while I am doing something and I get a message, I will ask him to read it to me and tell him my passcode. Or if I want him to send me some photos of our kids but he is busy, he will just tell me his passcode and I will do it myself. Obviously after one or two times of this sort of thing we just remember? Personally I find it quite odd when people don't know their partners passwords and I would feel like, if anything, this is the sort of thing that indicates a lack of trust rather than having it! Like what dont you trust your partner to see? Why do you want or need privacy from the person you share your life with? I feel that beliefs like "You have your husbands passcode so you must have trust issues" come from people whose partners don't let them know their passcode and maybe it's their way of rationalising it to themselves (in a "this is fine. He isnt hiding anything. He does trust me and not have secrets from me. We are just like this because we are sooo laid back and dont have trust issues" sort of way 😂

As foe the message, maybe she sent one to literally everyone that she knows - sometimes people send messages to their whole contact/friend lists. And maybe she kjsy thought she would send yours later/say personally when uou spokw as you talk often, but something came up? I wouldn't automatically be suspicious but I might check with a mutual friend (if you have any) whether they/their partners got a message or literally JUST him?

Sending again without all the typos - sorry, new phone and not used to the keyboard yet!

As for the message, maybe she sent one to literally everyone that she knows - sometimes people send messages to their whole contact/friend lists. And maybe she just thought she would send yours later/say personally when you spoke as you talk often, but something came up? I wouldn't automatically be suspicious but I might check with a mutual friend (if you have any) whether they/their partners got a message or literally JUST him?

[quote FabbyMagic]@OhOkayThenx why would OP be insecure/have trust issues because she knows the password to his phone? 😂 I know my DPs, he knows mine, we occasionally answer each other’s phones or look something up if we’re busy - bit weird to think this isn’t a perfectly normal thing! But maybe you have had issues which means you think this way?

Anyway OP I would think that was really weird of your friend, unless they were super best friends I can’t imagine texting any of my friend’s partners merry Christmas! Unless there was anything else going on, but seems unlikely if he isn’t protective of his phone (unless he has secret messaging apps etc!)[/quote]
Nice trying to turn things. I've never had any issues but then I don't let minor things bother me.
That's nice you share passwords.. cute.

@OhOkayThenx

It says far more about your own trust issues than ops that you think that way.

My partner and I have each others passwords too, although I have to remind him of mine as he forgets it (it is a long password before anyone tries 'he clearly doesn't love you enough to remember it').

[quote CakeRequired]@OhOkayThenx

It says far more about your own trust issues than ops that you think that way.

My partner and I have each others passwords too, although I have to remind him of mine as he forgets it (it is a long password before anyone tries 'he clearly doesn't love you enough to remember it'). [/quote]
Okay. If you feel that way.

If they don’t really know each other why are they friends on Facebook?

I would find this very odd but I think some women are insecure and want validation from men, even if it’s their friends boyfriend! I would have sent a text in a jokey way asking why she did it when she barely knows him.

yes he replied because I told him to as I didn't want him to look petty (he's almost 40) even though he thought it was odd himself.

I’m glad he replied there would be no reason not to but her reply to his reply may give some clue as to why she messaged him.

If she didn’t reply - then it could have been a copy and pasted message to everyone on Facebook.

If she did reply but it was I hope you have a nice day type message - then she is just being polite to your partner and showing she cares.

If she replies and is trying to make a conversation with him asking him lots of questions - then it could be something more odd!

If they don’t really know each other why are they friends on Facebook?

I agree with this.

Are you on Facebook yourself?

If you are then it would be weird if she didn’t message you on there but if you’re not then she is probably just going through her Facebook list wishing people meet Xmas.

Maybe she sent it to all her Facebook contacts?

It’s odd. If I saw my friends fiancé pop up on fb it would remind me to message my friend not their partner.

I have passwords to my husbands stuff in case either of us needs to use the others for whatever reason. I’d imagine I’d die of boredom if I read his messages

@wishywashywoowoo70

Maybe she sent it to all her Facebook contacts?

Then op would have got it