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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To call this behaviour threatening?

31 replies

Isitgiroday · 25/12/2020 19:55

I had a conversation with a new director at work which turned very sour. I'd accidentally copied in people I shouldn't have to an email and had apologized to him in this conversation. This clearly wasn't enough for him and he proceeded to try and tear me a new one. I wasn't comfortable with the way I was being spoken to so tried to leave the room (with just us two in it). I managed to open the door a couple of I inches and he slammed it shut and held it shut and told me he wasn't finished. I told him to let me out of the room, which he did but I was so shocked and shaken. AIBU to call this threatening behaviour?

OP posts:
mbosnz · 25/12/2020 19:57

No, you are not. It is unacceptable for him to seek to detain you against your will, which he did.

Happytentoes · 25/12/2020 20:00

No, that’s unacceptable of him, and extremely unprofessional. He’s a director - is the company large enough to have an independent HR? If so, I would talk to them.
I would also keep a note of time, date, place and subject matter , in case it’s a repeating pattern, which you need to document.
Sorry you had that. I always think owning a mistake is the right thing to do; tearing a strip off someone who does is wrong.

StrictlyAFemaleFemale · 25/12/2020 20:01

No I think most of us would feel threatened by that.

billy1966 · 25/12/2020 20:01

Eh yea...he stopped you leaving a room.

Christ, I would call that very serious, and extremely threatening.

I would think that is a HR matter at the very very least.

Extremely serious.

So sorry.

How frightening.Flowers

LuckyAmy1986 · 25/12/2020 20:02

Wow that’s shocking. Tabby

Original poster
Isitgiroday · 25/12/2020 20:06

@mbosnz thanks for the reply. It was so weird. Seems like a very controling thing to do!

OP posts:
BlueSuffragette · 25/12/2020 20:06

Document what happened and inform HR. You may then be able to use it in the future as evidence of his unreasonable behaviour.

Chinam · 25/12/2020 20:06

Please, please raise this with HR. It’s totally unacceptable behavior.

MispyM · 25/12/2020 20:07

Raise with hr. Absolutely unacceptable.

BeansMeansWines · 25/12/2020 20:07

Definitely threatening.

Copying the wrong people into an email happens and doesn’t need yelling, or tearing you a new one, etc, even if it disclosed £4bn worth of trade secrets or is a violation of national security. There are better and more business-like ways of doing things.

And none of those involve keeping you trapped in a room against your will.

Original poster
Isitgiroday · 25/12/2020 20:11

Thanks everyone! Yeah, never been in this kind of situation before. It's been passed up to external management but the investigation is on hold due to festive period. I don't have a huge amount of confidence in them as the internal management have (imo) diminished his other questionable behaviour to date. He's not been with the company long but is unfortunately very valuable to them. Bullying twat.

OP posts:
billy1966 · 25/12/2020 20:20

OP, without wishing to dramatise the situation at all, you would have every right to make this a police matter if you wish to.

Ring 101 to ask them for advice.

What he did was very wrong.

You have every right to be appalled.

I think by calling 101 it may give you additional perspective.

How long was it before he opened the door and you were able to leave.

I would be absolutely furious to have had any man think he could impose his will on me like that.

Do not allow anyone to down play his behaviour or minimise his actions.

He was very wrong.
Flowers

Staffy1 · 25/12/2020 20:27

Perhaps, but also quite rude to try and walk off when a director is talking to you.

Original poster
Isitgiroday · 25/12/2020 20:29

@billy1966 thank you. It wasn't very long - when I told him to let me out I think he realised he'd gone too far. He struggles to control his temper. I think it might be a good idea to have a chat to the police - if o were to give a statement I suppose then his behaviour is on record should another incident occur? My work have done a shit job of managing the situation so far and have allowed him to approach me on two more occasions demanding to have further discussions with me despite the fact I've told my manager verbally and in writing that I don't want to be left alone with him.

OP posts:
Original poster
Isitgiroday · 25/12/2020 20:31

@Staffy1 even when they're behaving like an aggressive twat to you?

OP posts:
Staffy1 · 25/12/2020 20:34

@Isitgiroday, no, i suppose it's different if they were being aggressive and nasty. You should not have to put up with that.

mbosnz · 25/12/2020 20:54

I don't think anyone should feel they have to sit there and take verbal abuse, director or no. The director should have a bit more nowse about what is acceptable in terms of how you treat your employees.

Hawkins001 · 25/12/2020 21:07

When you do have to engage with the person, could you use a Dictation machine, to prevent the , person said x, no they said x ect

pinkdragons · 25/12/2020 21:14

I'd also feel tempted to make a police statement if a) I genuinely felt threatened and scared for my safety, if only v briefly at the hands of someone else
B) felt that the workplace were not doing what they should to ensure my safety from an individual

nothingcanhurtmewithmyeyesshut · 25/12/2020 21:23

I agree that you should call non emergency police and speak to them about where you stand legally. If nothing else it may wake him up to the fact that he crossed way way over the line here and would help if you have to make a case for constructive dismissal or similar.

Personally that would have triggered me badly, being trapped in a room by a man and depending on what objects were to hand, he would not have come out of it uninjured. I'm not surprised you were shaken. He needs to know just how far beyond okay that was.

Cherrysoup · 25/12/2020 21:26

Someone I know detained someone against their will (row over not wanting her to leave/she allegedly owed money) at a stables. The police were called and forced him to unlock the gate, calling it kidnapping/being detained against her will. Pretty bloody serious. He needs to know that this is criminal. He’s a twat and should not be allowed to behave in this shocking manner.

Original poster
Isitgiroday · 26/12/2020 09:01

@nothingcanhurtmewithmyeyesshut that's what a couple of my friends who have experienced abusive ex's have said. I know there are people at my work who have had similar experiences and I don't want this potentially happening to them!

OP posts:
billy1966 · 26/12/2020 10:07

Your employer absolutely have a real duty of care towards you, especially on their premises.

Please go to the police and name the staff members you have dealt with that have utterly failed in their duty of care towards you.

You have repeatedly asked for him not to engage with you and he has.

They have made your work environment unsafe through not taking swift action to prevent this man from approaching you again.

You need to tell the police you feel unsafe.

Goodness knows how this will play out.

A comprehensive paper trail would be invaluable if they try to manage you out.
Flowers

Original poster
Isitgiroday · 26/12/2020 11:14

@billy1966 thank you so much. Your comments are very helpful to me. This is what I have been saying to myself and close friends but the management at my work have really tried to play it down. I have all the emails I've sent or received (which is few - they took 6 days to respond to me raising the matter) and a notebook of dates/times/events. Thanks everyone else for taking the time to reply.x

OP posts:
HollowTalk · 26/12/2020 11:20

I wouldn't go to the police if I wanted to stay in the job. I would push it with HR, though.

What was the impact of you copying other people in? What kind of email was it?

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