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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Urgent - child’s skin irritated/bleeding from flea bites

104 replies

Cocacolathanks · 25/12/2020 13:47

Hey everyone,

Hope everyone is enjoying Christmas! Just a quick question for anyone with pets or experience with flea bites on kid’s skin.

My nephew (I just found out today) has been badly bitten on his bum/back by the cat’s fleas. The cat has been given to a shelter (the family was not really in a state to care for it properly so thankfully they agreed to rehome it, much better for the cat too) but the house has not been professionally treated.

My nephew’s skin is badly irritated. Scabs, open bleeding scabs, itchiness and dry patches. I’ve advised them to contact a GP immediately of course.

However, does anyone have any experience that could help? I was going to suggest camomile for the itchiness but don’t want to risk further issues.

Also, the house definitely needs pest control, doesn’t it?

Hoping someone can offer some advice! I’ve also rung up the local pharmacy, just waiting for them to ring back.

Thank you and merry Christmas Flowers

OP posts:
snappyoldfart · 26/12/2020 17:42

My son was bitten by fleas/ bed bugs and went on to develop impetigo, so just keep a watch for that.

It spreads away from the sight of infection abs can get pretty nasty as we found out when our GP ignored our concerns and he needed courses of antibiotics, how it didn't scar I've no idea.

2bazookas · 26/12/2020 17:45

That doesn't sound at all like fleabites to me. (I am very familiar with fleabites....)

Mumofsend · 26/12/2020 17:47

We ended up with a flea infestation. Quite impressive seeing as our cat was a strict house cat so he must have caught them from the neighbours cat being in the communal hallway.

Anyway after trying indorex etc in the end I just paid for the council to come and do the job. Wish I had done that from the start and was very reasonable

Goodmorninglights · 26/12/2020 17:50

Victoriascousin - neglect is one recognised category of abuse, there are many.
We have experience of flea bites, definitely limited to ankles in our case, ds unfortunately needed antibiotics as I feared an infection.

LtGreggs · 26/12/2020 17:55

Scabies & fleabites not great - but don't necessarily panic.

Flea bites are v v itchy - buttocks/back would fit with having fleas on cushions, seat or maybe bedding? Hoover like mad & wash everything, as well as the chemical treatment.

Scabies also mad itchy. We had them as children - perfectly clean & caring household, but my dad brought them home from an outbreak on the hospital ward where he was working. Shit happens sometimes.

However. Any chance you can get a look inside the house (or a quiet chat with the boy??) to see if things have deteriorated during lockdown?

Santaisreel · 26/12/2020 18:03

Neglect and abuse are not the same thing. Abuse is active and intentional, essentially. Whereas neglect is 'lazy' and passive.

Lazy and passive Hmm

Seriously.

Neglect absolutely is abuse - please don't try to minimise. It's dangerous.

Crappyfridays7 · 26/12/2020 18:18

Usually wrists and ankles but if he’s been lying on the floor maybe reason

I’d say piriton
See a pharmacist for anything to put on if it’s open/weeping
Keep an eye on temp and condition of nephew - in case of deeper infection if house hasn’t been sanitary

Indorex is what I have used before
Son is asthmatic and fine with it afterwards obs not in house when used

VictoriasCousin · 26/12/2020 18:35

@Santaisreel

Yes neglect is lazy and passive. It's hurting somebody through inactivity not activity, that's all I meant. That when the OP says these people are 'lazy' and are letting her do everything, being passive, she's actually describing neglect.

Neglect is not the same as physical abuse, sexual abuse or emotional abuse. It's under the same umbrella, but it is not the same. It is as bad though, just in a different way. If I hurt my child, that would be horrible right? But if I don't keep my child safe because I can't be bothered, they could die. I'm not saying it's 'lazy' and 'passive' and therefore that makes it ok, I'm saying that it can appear like laziness or passivity, because it's harm through not doing things not through doing them.

VictoriasCousin · 26/12/2020 18:36

I'm not minimising, either. I'm saying it's a safeguarding issue, a complex one because they are neglecting everyone and everything associated with them.

Santaisreel · 26/12/2020 19:40

Yes neglect is lazy and passive. It's hurting somebody through inactivity not activity, that's all I meant.

You said it wasn't abuse. It is.

violetbunny · 26/12/2020 19:56

If it is fleas then vacuuming very frequently will also help get rid of them (in addition to the pesticide). They lay eggs in carpets and floorboards so vacuuming helps break the cycle. Empty the vacuum bag into an outside bin directly afterwards.

Original poster
Cocacolathanks · 26/12/2020 20:08

I’m not sure how to explain the living conditions because I actually lived with them for a few months when my son was a few months old. They have a big house - too big to keep up with I think - but it was utterly disorganised. They do laundry regularly for example, but won’t put things away for days so half the clothes go missing. They’ll cook dinner every night, but usually eat junk food and snacks the rest of the day. So like they never let their child go hungry BUT if he’s snacking on 2 crisps, 2 chocolates, juice and biscuits, they won’t stop him. They shower him with attention but their parenting is very loose. At one point he was actually a very spoilt children and was difficult to be around (rude, obnoxious) but thankfully his behaviour has improved as he’s gotten older.

I actually spoke to him 1 on 1 and he seems fine, just annoyed about the fleas and he was actually tearful about the cat leaving. He says he wants a new kitten, which everyone is promising to get but I’m 100% sure they won’t be following through - again, see what I mean about loose parenting?

They will honestly spend 100s of £s on his clothes but due to disorganisation half of them go missing. He’s got dozens of the latest shoes yet they’re chucked around the house like nothing. He still sleeps with his parents most of the time because he doesn’t have a proper room to himself (he has a bed but I notice he prefers to sleep with his parents even tho he’s far too big for the bed now!)

It’s a very strange issue but I am confident he’s not being neglected - some children suffer far, far worse so I don’t want to minimise other peoples experiences.

The house hygiene isn’t the greatest but it’s not the worse - it’s more messy than dirty. Again, dishes are always washed but cluttered around.

To put it simply I was uncomfortable when I lived with them.

Moving on: they’ve got the scabies treatment but I haven’t had a chance to speak to them yet! I’ve asked them to please sort the hoover/hot wash/etc out so I’ll ring them soon for a proper update.

Indorex will be arriving in 2-3 days I think.

OP posts:
Beamur · 26/12/2020 20:27

A friend of mine is a social worker and she has previously commented that problems with more well off families often get passed off (and missed) because it's seen as being a bit eccentric or quirky.
As you say, there are people worse off, but even from what you have said this is a family that have had to re-home a pet through neglect, are struggling with basic hygiene and organisation, and have a pest infestation they don't seem to know how to deal with that is compromising their health.
It sounds like they maybe either don't see the problem or don't know how to address it.

jgjgjgjgjg · 26/12/2020 20:34

The child is 12 years old? And still sleeps with his parents as he doesn't have a proper private place of his own?

In combination with the neglect described above this is absolutely sounding like a safeguarding concern. If you can’t bring yourself to report it or refuse to acknowledge the red flags, at least please tip off his school and let them follow it up.

Original poster
Cocacolathanks · 26/12/2020 21:02

I’m starting to doubt myself. I think I’ve become used to their situation when really it’s just sounding stupider the more I describe it. His parents laziness really isn’t acceptable, is it...

OP posts:
Original poster
Cocacolathanks · 26/12/2020 21:04

It’s just, they go out of Their way to be kind sometimes. Even the cat, they’d feed him with the most expensive food etc. but they wouldn’t do much else except let it in and out of the house. With their son, they dote over him (their other 2 kids are grown up and married) but it’s just like they can’t be bothered to parent properly. They’re in their 50s, early 50s...

OP posts:
HermosaMain · 26/12/2020 21:07

The more you describe, the worse it sounds. Other people may have it worse, but that doesn't make it ok.

HappyAsASandboy · 26/12/2020 21:10

Indorex is amazing stuff, but please be careful with it! It says something on the bottle about being careful not to breath it in. I paid no attention to that any hoovered and sprayed everywhere, getting totally out of breath and breathing it in, and I had a wheezy cough and was unable to speak without coughing for months afterwards. It is strong stuff!

StoneofDestiny · 26/12/2020 21:13

You need to report this for the sake of the child. It's the right thing to do.

Schoolchoicesucks · 26/12/2020 21:18

A NT 12 year old boy choosing to sleep with his parents rather than in own room/bed is very unusual OP.

And being unable to care for a cat "other than feeding it, vaccinating it, letting it in and out of the house". Well there's not really much more that a cat needs is there (aside from flea treatment every few months, which they now presumably know about).

Is there a reason you didn't ask your GP parent about the flea bit treatment before asking mumsnet?

There is eccentric and then there is odd. This falls on the side of odd.

Original poster
Cocacolathanks · 26/12/2020 21:19

They’ve started the cream so I’m hoping he sees some relief quickly. Poor kid. I’m so glad I haven’t visited them properly because now I’m paranoid about scabies spreading. Apparently it can be contagious.

OP posts:
Original poster
Cocacolathanks · 26/12/2020 21:22

@Schoolchoicesucks I actually messaged my dad first but he was busy and didn’t reply so I came on here. I thought someone who has had proper experience with it might have some good advice. Didn’t realise how far the conversation would go!

And I mentioned the cat because although they fed it etc. they weren’t too bothered about it. It went through a period of peeing around the house regularly and no one really did much about it... this was before lockdown so I witnessed it.

OP posts:
Wolfiefan · 26/12/2020 21:30

The fact that other people have it worse doesn’t make it ok OP.
A child deserves to live in a house that isn’t a health hazard.
They deserve some sense of normality and basic organisation.
And a nearly teenager deserves their own room. They need the space and independence
It all sounds completely unhealthy.

Original poster
Cocacolathanks · 26/12/2020 21:37

@Wolfiefan I’ll speak to his parents about it, probably first thing in the morning. Just to raise my concerns etc. It’s not like they don’t have space. They have a spare bedroom which is currently being used as a room full of clothes, extra bags etc. I’m sure it can be turned into a preteens bedroom easily. Along with the other concerns. Hopefully it will go well. If not then I’ll review the options.

OP posts:
Xiaoxiong · 26/12/2020 22:04

The more you update the more they are sounding like hoarders - could they be? If they have enough money to buy so many clothes, shoes, expensive cat food, could they get a 3 times a week housekeeper who tidies as well as cleans?