To not give a shit that she didn’t like her present?

[CardoMondo]

My sister is 13 years younger than me. She’s a brat, always has been. Completely helpless and spoilt to ridiculous levels. She’s 27 now and still treated like a child. She never gets me. Christmas or birthday present and only occasional makes me a card out of printer paper folded in half. I’m not bothered ... at least I wouldn’t be if it wasn’t for the expectation that I go out of my way for her.

One year I didn’t buy her a birthday present (but did get her a card which is more than she got me that year.) all hell broke lose and my mum kicked off saying I was out of order etc!!

So for Christmas this year I got her a calendar with dogs on it with all the money raised going to a dog rescue charity. She got me nothing.

Apparently she was upset my the present as dogs are “my” thing, not hers. I really don’t care one bit! I only bought it to support the charity and to say I’d got her “something”

AIBU

Another one for offering to swap or at 27 I don't know if I could stop myself telling her to fuck off.

She does sound like a right brat, OP. I wouldn’t bother buying her a present at all. And if your mum kicks off, just let her.

@LuckyAmy1986

Why don't you say I didn't really like what you got me either, shall we swap?

This is a perfect response, just send this!

Never understand how a child doesnt learn that gifts at christmas are exchanged. Even my 3 year old helped choose a present for his father & sister and understands you don't receive without giving.

I'd reply with something like "I'm so sorry you didn't like your present, especially after you got me such a great gift. Next year I promise I'll put as much effort into your gift as you, so obviously have done with mine this year."

The suggestion to swap is perfect. Please dont keep appeasing the whining woman-child.

I stopped sending gifts to siblings for similar reasons.
first year was tough, but now they have adapted their expectations.
I'm a lot less stressed. they still get attention (a card and a phonecall) but I don't have to figure out what to give, how much to spend on each one etc.

What an entitled cow! To be honest I blame your mum just as much.

My dd is a year younger and has severe learning difficulties - speaks and acts as a 3 yr old - but she knows when to say "Thank you" to people.

I would get her zilch in future and if your mum kicks off then let her. You have nothing to lose imo.

Did she tell you this directly, or did it come from your mum?

Id be getting the oxfam goat next year.

Why don't you say I didn't really like what you got me either, shall we swap?

Absolutely this. Perfect

Donation in her name to charity in future.

If she was gonna be a greedy cow, then someone might aswell benefit from that.

I don’t get your mum, how pathetic they sound awful tbh I’d just leave them to it and move on. My sister and I agreed no adult gifts this year, her dh was made redundant and we have 7 kids between us so got older kids a board game each - monopoly & I got my tiny nephew something separate. My sister however works her backside off and never buys herself anything nice so I had makeup that is brand new I don’t use - sealed though I gave her (a duplicate I got due to an error but was told to keep due to covid) so I passed that on as I don’t need it although I did say this but she’s over the moon with it, that is why you give
Because you know thinking about someone else will make them happy even if you only send a card with a nice message inside

@CaptainSandy

Who on earth voted YABU?

The sister?? 😆

Wow. I was expecting your sister to be a child or teen when I started reading that but shocked when I seen she was 27. YANBU. Why on earth does she expect a gift when she’s never returned it? I know we shouldn’t buy to receive back but I think sometimes you have to draw the line. You may be 13 years older than her, but she’s an adult regardless.

"all hell broke lose and my mum kicked off saying I was out of order etc!!"
To paraphrase a common MN response - you have a mother problem. She has raised your sister to be an eternal child, and so created this problem and an obnoxious woman-child.

"Why don't you say I didn't really like what you got me either, shall we swap?"
Brilliant ! And I would absolutely do it. She's 27, and despite your mother's best efforts she should be capable of adulthood.

Do we have the same little sister? Mine's a massive shit stirrer so I considered getting her a wooden spoon this year.

@LuckyAmy1986

Why don't you say I didn't really like what you got me either, shall we swap?

Just stop buying, full stop.

I have a brother who stopped buying for my kids years ago (birthday and Christmas) just because he could (and he’s a twat). He would still text me with ideas for his slightly older DD. Our mum would complain if I didn’t buy for niece, but not that my kids got FA from him. Two faced didn’t come close to it, both him and our mum.

I ignored him and sent DN money for a while, stopping as she reached adult age. Fortunately we are now v LC and my life is much much nicer.

I have a brother who stopped buying for my kids years ago (birthday and Christmas) just because he could (and he’s a twat). He would still text me with ideas for his slightly older DD. Our mum would complain if I didn’t buy for niece, but not that my kids got FA from him. Two faced didn’t come close to it, both him and our mum. wondering whether you are my sister, describing our gobshite brother, who also had the audacity one year to get my mum to phone me to ask where his adult daughter’s present was that year. Erm, i stopped buying for the adult child when she was 18, as is the family tradition, and now buy for her child instead. So I asked my mum to ask him where my young children’s presents were. Two days later he dropped off one chocolate snowman.

This year he ignored mine and both my children’s birthdays. I dont even know why im still surprised and annoyed there is nothing from him for christmas either. I think at this stage im mad at myself. And my mum for thinking having a penis means you can’t help being a knob.

It's a grim present to give anybody. Bug she got you nothing. Sounds like you're both as bad as each other.

@WhatTiggersDoBest

Do we have the same little sister? Mine's a massive shit stirrer so I considered getting her a wooden spoon this year.

Or, the much maligned on Mumsnet, toilet brush!

@Viviennemary

It's a grim present to give anybody. Bug she got you nothing. Sounds like you're both as bad as each other.

To be fair this is the 1st time I’ve put literally no effort into her present

sounds like a spoilt brat and yes your parents are to blame

my sister was spoilt for a long time till my dm died shes much better now but still her spoilt traits come through

I do think it was a bit mean. If you feel like you have to buy someone a present and don't like them, you buy a charity gift for a charity they support, not you.

But I do think her behaviour is out of order. As a rule, you shouldn't grumble about presents, especially if you didn't buy any!

And this thread shows why the (relatively recent) Christmas tradition of swapping presents with all and sundry is a complete travesty. Just stop doing it. Tell adult friends and relations that you only do presents for kids and parents, maybe adult siblings (if you want to) and then just stop it.

This year I've bought for the 3 children in my life, my MIL and my adult kids. As far as I know only my sister and kids have bought for me. It's perfect. No huge piles of packaging to dispose of. No spending hours unwrapping unwanted gift sets that go straight to the charity shop. Christmas will be food, wine, games, tv with DH and the D.C. that live with us, maybe some Zooms. These has been no money wasted on tat no one actually wants

I've also cut right back on Christmas cards. I used to send about 100. Now it's down to 10. All handmade by me and all with personal letters inside.