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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel very upset argument has just happened?

48 replies

Willow79 · 25/12/2020 12:21

I'm late 20s and single, formed an extended household with parents. My mum can be quite controlling although she cares a lot about us.

Basically we were 15 mins into opening presents when my mum started telling my dad to order his presents in a specific way as he opened them. He said 'look I cant be doing with this this year, I want to just relax' and it turned into baiting comments back and forth!

My mum then stormed out of the room, my dad buried his head in a book and now I'm alone in a different room. AIBU to think they are out of order? This has never happened at Christmas - ever! Sad

OP posts:
Original poster
Willow79 · 25/12/2020 12:22

I am trying very hard not to cry. I had so hoped for a nice relaxing day after everything.

OP posts:
sneakysnoopysniper · 25/12/2020 12:24

Family christmases are stressful at the best of times which is why I dont do them any more. This is a shit year so best to just suck it up. Like all things it will pass.

BoyTree · 25/12/2020 12:25

Was she trying to get him to open them in a certain order for a reason? To keep track of who they are from or because the items were connected? Or just an arbitrary idea of what she thought was best?

Alonelonelyloner · 25/12/2020 12:25

I'm so sorry.
I actually don't blame your dad. Your mother is outrageous and she has obviously gotten away with her bad behaviour for too long.

If I were you I would have backed your dad up. Tell him that you support him and that it is all ridiculous.
I am sorry your day is so bad right now.

Original poster
Willow79 · 25/12/2020 12:26

@sneakysnoopysniper we actually have a nice time usually. But it is stressful being told to do things a specific, almost militant way when you just want to chill.

Think you have the right idea. Hope you're having a nice day.

OP posts:
Original poster
Willow79 · 25/12/2020 12:26

I did back him up. So she said 'so now you're hanging up on me?' and stormed out

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Thegrinchshorriblesister · 25/12/2020 12:26

Go in and give them both a hug. Break the ice. Pour a drink. Put some Christmas songs on.

I’m having to put up with my ex who cheated on me being around my feet all day. Fake it till you make it!

TirisfalPumpkin · 25/12/2020 12:27

I think we have the same mother, sympathies. It is stressful.

Original poster
Willow79 · 25/12/2020 12:27

@BoyTree just what she thinks is best. No actual need for it.

OP posts:
peboh · 25/12/2020 12:27

It's not untypical for a family to have an argument at Christmas, and this year with a lot of added stress on top try and not let it bog you don't too much. I'm sure they'll come around later on. I don't really blame your dad for commenting, as I'd find that super annoying. Just try to enjoy a bit of quiet time, and hopefully the rest of your day is smoother.

EveryDayIsADuvetDay · 25/12/2020 12:28

My sister was supposed to be going away. Presents had colour coded wrapping to indicate whether would be useful to take away with her.
Could have been a logic to opening in a certain order.

Scarlett1251 · 25/12/2020 12:29

Almost exactly the same has just happened in my family. I formed a support bubble with my mum and dad and daughter, although I am beginning to wish I hadn't. My mum is exactly the same, sniping at my dad every five minutes creating tension and making everyone walk on eggshells. I can't stand it, mainly as I feel trapped and it's all out of my control. Don't know why I'm surprised, she's in this foul mood every Christmas. Just know there are other people feeling what you are in the same situations x

Original poster
Willow79 · 25/12/2020 12:32

So sorry @Scarlett1251. I had thought everyone else must be having a nice time while we are here arguing!

But not the case obviously. I had thought people would make more effort than usual to have a nice time. The fact people cant stop themselves making comments - I find it v selfish.

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RelapsedChocoholic · 25/12/2020 12:34

Cry if you want to op, it’s ok and can help Flowers

As sneaky says this will pass- sorry but YABU to think they’re ‘out of order’ given the year everyone has had!

Once you’re feeling a bit better are there spuds to peel, can you chivvy them along by starting lunch?

PicsInRed · 25/12/2020 12:34

Good on your father for standing up for himself.

Stompythedinosaur · 25/12/2020 12:37

I feel a bit sorry for your mum really. Rather than just refusing i would wonder if there is a reason for opening in a certain order. I also wonder how much of the invisible work of christmas she has been carrying while you and your dad focus on relaxing

Original poster
Willow79 · 25/12/2020 12:38

I personally feel upset with her for storming out the room like a petulant child. She is now in a room cleaning (!) and not speaking to anyone.

We havent even opened the presents yet ffs. I am quite tearful now. Hadn't expected this

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Original poster
Willow79 · 25/12/2020 12:40

@Stompythedinosaur I havent relaxed. I was wrrapping presents and baking until 1am last night. Both me and my mum were really busy while my dad was relaxing a bit too much.

But that doesnt excuse the controlling behaviour of telling people how to arrange their presents. She does it every year and I jokingly tell her where to go but my dad seriously responded she was not to start with that. It is hellishly stressful, I dont blame him

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WitchesBritchesPumpkinPants · 25/12/2020 12:42

((Hug)).

I'm spending Christmas on my own - I've still had several arguments!! 🤣

Come on, tell us more about your mums specific present order. I fear I may be doing it wrong (even though I only have two token gifts to open 🤣)

Have a couple of drinks, get your Dad one & ask if he fancies a game of something!!

Original poster
Willow79 · 25/12/2020 12:45

@WitchesBritchesPumpkinPants that made me laugh, thanks. It's not so bad spending Christmas on your own!

It is not about opening to presents in a certain order. We each have a side table to arrange our presents on. She was giving us instructions on how we should arrange our opened presents for no reason whatsoever. Every other year I brush it off, but my dad was clearly like 'not this year'

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Original poster
Willow79 · 25/12/2020 12:47

She has come in and apologised and asked to start over...

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Thankgoodness1 · 25/12/2020 12:50

Your mum isn’t being a petulant child. She might have wanted your dad to open the presents from small to big to make it more special. She is hurting that her good intentions were shot down.

Original poster
Willow79 · 25/12/2020 12:51

It wasnt present order, it was the way we should arrange our pile.

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Heartlantern2 · 25/12/2020 12:53

It’s normal to have to sometimes open things up in a certain order, especially if it’s a big gift with components.

My 11 year old had to this morning for her computer and she didn’t argue about it- she is mature for her age though, obviously unlike your dad, surly he must of figured there was a reason

thepeopleversuswork · 25/12/2020 12:57

Sorry to be blunt OP but your mum's behaviour sounds exceptionally controlling and disordered. Ordering his presents a certain way? On Xmas Day? No wonder he's in a strop.

I couldn't live like this but gently I wonder if she's ever seen someone about this? Its very unreasonable behaviour but I suspect there's some neurosis there. It's certainly not fair to expect others to put up with that though....

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