Just want to cry.... posting for traffic

[CanICelebrate]

My husband is being really cold and I don’t know why. We argued earlier but we don’t argue often and I thought we’d made up. I feel he has deliberately withdrawn all warmth towards me but is doing it in a way that it looks like I’m the one in the mood - he’s not normally a gaslighter but he is doing it tonight.

I’ve come in from church really jolly and he’s treating me like a stranger and denying he’s doing it. I’m doubting myself.

He’s not normally like this but it’s made me feel so desperately lonely this evening. I’ve only just got over a bad period of anxiety and I feel really anxious this evening and the dc will have me up in a few hours I’m sure.

I just want someone to talk to on here as I’ve been in an emotionally abusive relationship before and although dh isn’t usually like this, this evening has brought it all back and I’m really shaky.

I’m sleeping downstairs but not sure I’ll sleep :-(

Just to add, sometimes when I am in a conflict situation and feel emotionally manipulated I get the urge to hurt myself. I haven’t this evening and I’ve posted on here instead - it sound silly but I am actually quite proud of myself.

Try to hold onto your own mood, don't let yourself be a reflection of his. Sounds like the more you ask him if he's still annoyed etc the more he backs away.
Something to think about post-Christmas I would say, try to be jolly and find your own pleasure in the day tomorrow, just let him stew.

It sounds as though he’s still sulking from the argument TBH. Was everything fine & normal before you argued?

Well I think you've taken a positive step to not hurting yourself physically, and that is to be commended. That you've recognised it and swerved it, well done.

As for your DH, focus on your good mood from your trip out tonight and try to disassociate yourself from his actions.

Well done for posting and not punishing yourself. He is being a pig. I agree: ignore and hold onto your good mood if you can. Be light tomorrow - which his darkness can not overcome. Maybe some bigger thinking to do after Christmas.

Hope your day goes okay. Be nice to yourself. X

Any chance he could be having an affair? My ex was like this juat before I found out, he'd upset me about something else and although he apologised just seemed very distant and unlije himself
Hopefully he's just still sulking and all will be back to normal tomorrow ( or today)

Well done for posting instead @CanICelebrate.

I don’t know what to say because I don’t want to trigger or upset you.

All I’ll say is his behaviour is wrong and unfair. And you don’t deserve that!

Be light tomorrow - which his darkness can not overcome.

That made me cry (in a good way) @Covidasaurus thank you.

Thank you all just for being there and reading my post. Yes he is being an arsehole but I’ve reacted very badly. He’s in bed now and I’m on the sofa with a sleeping bag and the cat. I’m really anxious about sleep now.

Yes well done for posting and recognising how you feel. Perhaps he needs a bit of mental space after an argument to get back to being affectionate, it's crappy timing on Christmas Eve but perhaps exacerbated by the stresses of the season and the shitty year. Try to get some rest and I hope in the morning he will be suitably apologetic and you can enjoy your day.

Men are cunts

Try to focus on the happy & bright feelings you had at church earlier this evening and hang on to those feelings over the next couple of days. When you feel calmer, less anxious, then you can think about talking to your husband.

You've done really well not to let your anxiety overwhelm you tonight and you're absolutely right to be proud of yourself.

@RedHelenB I don’t think he’s having an affair but I have wondered for a while whether he still loves me - although in the past year things have got a lot better and we are very happy again after a difficult few years.
He’s very stressed with work and tired. I think I woke him up on the sofa when I came in. I wasn’t loud or annoying but I think he was grumpy because he’d been asleep. I can deal with stroppy / angry but not cold/ silent.

Church was amazing and this feels like a horrible crash

But I haven’t laid a finger on myself, I’ve filled the dc’s stockings, messaged my parents and am going to try to sleep a bit now

If it carries on into tomorrow I will go for a long walk with dc. Am back at church in the morning for another helping of Joy!

Is he ever a sulker? Christmas stress can bring out the worst in people and even if an ‘occasional’ sulker, that’s probably all it is. He’s unlikely to sulk in front of the kids in the morning so try not to worry and well done for coming here for support.

He is a sulker but it was the way he denied the coldness this evening that unnerved me. He made me feel like I was imagining it. He’s usually very warm and he deliberately withdrew any warmth from his tone, words and body language.
I’ve had this done to me before eyes es ago by an expert manipulator and I know the signs. It’s out of character but has triggered all sorts and u feel panicky.

*year ago not eyes! Fat typing fingers!

OP I've been where you are and it's crap, there's no getting around it. But you are doing really well and it's great that you have things to look forward to in the morning. I'm not religious but I bet for those that are, church on Christmas Day is really special :) keep the moral high ground, don't go throwing yourself at his feet in the morning, when he's ready to be an adult then you can talk about things sensibly. Until then enjoy your kids and church

I’m in exactly the same boat as you. Had a disagreement, he got his violin out and before you know it, he is shouting and making the kids cry. I tried to talk to him but no. He is being a pig headed cunt.

Sulkers deny sulking - it’s childish so they feel a bit guilty about doing it. If you woke him up, all happy then that’s maybe enough to provoke a sulk. If I were you I would go and quietly slip into bed with him rather than staying on the sofa - it could look like you’re the one sulking but you might just get a cuddle in the morning if you go to bed now.

I can't add to what others have said but .

I hope you're asleep now and that your DH is in a better mood when he wakes up.
Enjoy your Christmas day with the kids, regardless.

Happy Christmas and thank you again. I slept well and this morning he is less moody! I’ve just focused on the dc who have had a lovely morning so far xx

How strong are you, posting here and not hurting yourself.

Glad things are brighter, enjoy your day.

@CanICelebrate

Happy Christmas and thank you again. I slept well and this morning he is less moody! I’ve just focused on the dc who have had a lovely morning so far xx

That's great. Draw a line under it, he was obviously in a bad mood.

And if he sulks again and makes out yabu, then call him out on it- "oml pack in the sulking, it isn't a nice quality" then leave it.