Always feel sort of forlorn at Christmas

[Chrisrear]

Does anyone else ever? Obviously, this year even more so, I adore Christmas but it often brings up a strange, sad feeling 🤷🏻‍♀️

December that is beautiful.
I am feeling sad. It is Christmas morning here.
My husband - who is lovely and kind and cooking Christmas dinner before he vacuums house- has not bought me a gift. I bought him a couple of things I know he would love but he has not had the thoughtfulness to think of something for me.
Feeling right sorry for myself - lunch with friends so I will perk up soon.

@lollipoprainbow

Yes it's very hard my lovely sister died four years ago and she adored Christmas, we spent it with her every year. My mum is very poorly with dementia too. The heart has been ripped from our family. I miss them sitting on my sofa giggling over a gin and tonic.

My sister died too - almost 10 years ago now . 💐to you. You miss them dreadfully.

Yes. Always have done since I was a child. For me it was always the fact we were together as a family in ways we never were at other times in the year. I loved family time and vow now to make family time Happen All the time for my kids.
In fact the only thing that has helped this feeling is antidepressants.
I don’t miss the feeling!

Crying reading these posts. I loved christmas as a child. Now 2 beautiful dc, at the golden age of being old enough to get excited about it but young enough to still believe. Should be happy, but dp is being horrible and giving me the silent treatment after a 2 day long disagreement. Dm is coming over tmrw but has dementia so it will just make me sad as I'm grieving her loss even though she's still here in body. And this year no extended family around to cheer things up, just toxic dp. Will be hard acting the excitement for dc tmrw but determined i will.

@CrotchBurn

Totally.

Nostalgia for times gone by.

A creeping sense that these happy family celebrations will one day fade away as people pass

Its subconscious but has always been a part of Christmas for me.

This sums it up for me really. Plus the knowledge that those who are left from my childhood Christmases don't have much longer left.

I'm currently watching the Hobbit films with my three adult DDs and wondering too where their childhoods went. They seem to have gone by in a flash.

So, I am feeling a range of things. Lucky that this year I am still able to spend Christmas with my family unit despite the Covid 19 pandemic, nostalgia for past Christmases and some sadness too, for people who are no longer with us and also for those whose remaining time is short.

I am also trying to remain aware that in many ways I am one of the reasonably fortunate ones.

An ex-boyfriend of mine who I dated for 2 years 12 years ago died suddenly last week. Very emotional over it tonight and can't understand why.

I feel like this. Time is running out for me to change and have a life.

Yes I've always had this feeling since I was a child. I would get such a homesick type sadness every Christmas as a child from a very young age. It's better now as my first DS is 13 and not bothered about Christmas at all anymore and my second is only a baby so we've decided to just not make any real fuss about Christmas anymore.

Yep.

I take it back! I do not want to spend time with my teens after all. We agreed to have a takeaway and watch 'Elf'. It ended with my shouting at DD to get off her phone and having to pause the film about 5 times.

Oh gosh some of you have such sad stories. to everyone who has lost a loved one. Feeling a bit of a fraud now as there is no real reason, but I’ve never really been a huge fan of Christmas and always get a sinking feeling in the run up. Trying hard to be cheerful for DS as I separated from his dad last year and this is our first Christmas alone.

I was watching the birds feeding on the nut feeder in the garden this afternoon, carols where playing on the radio and snow falling. I was feeling very Christmassy.Then suddenly I was back 41 years as a first year student nurse. A man was rushed into the ward at 7pm on Xmas Eve and died soon after. I was told to make tea for his wife and daughter. I was a mess crying my eyes out, his poor wife ended up comforting me. I felt I was a crap nurse as I couldn't hold it together ( I was only 18). My boy friend was picking me up after work and we were meeting friends in the pub. I ended up running out of the hospital in my uniform, jumped in the car and sobbed all the way home. We didn't make the pub, boyfriend became DH. I have no idea why that came back today. I wonder where his daughter is tonight.

I have had this feeling as long as I can remember. I love the run up to Christmas (not so much this year) but December has always been tinged with some melancholy and an almost homesickness-type feeling, and I’ve never quite been able to figure out why. I always thought it was just me who felt this. It’s quite comforting to know that it’s not unusual.

Do feel like that this year. Hugs and kind thoughts to all x

I know what you mean. I feel like that at New Year mainly as it's the passing of time and like you say all the people in your past who have died feel like I'm leaving them further and further behind

I have always had this, even as a child. I want to shake myself sometimes but I can’t help it and I almost ruin it for myself by being so maudlin.

Good to know I’m not alone!

There was a Christmas when I was told in mid December that my father was dying - he died exactly a month later.
That Christmas was sad and subdued, but since we still had quite young dcs we still tried to make an effort.

But since my DF was always a very cheerful, jolly type, I didn’t let his death overshadow later Christmases - it’s the last thing he’d ever have wanted.

Op - this is exactly how I am feeling at this moment. I am scrolling through MN threads to try and take my mind off it. Its strange as its the first time I have had this feelng. Almost like this is as good as it gets, and I am alone in my bedroom scrolling MN on Christmas Eve feeling lonely.

Yes I feel sad. My mum is very ill, this will most likely be her last Christmas.
My exh was a total twat at Xmas and ruined it for me and the kids most years.
I have great childhood memories of Xmas mixed in with bad ones with my exh and now a great sadness that my mum is so unwell. Add to that we are all supposed to feel warm and fuzzy because it's Xmas and my emotions are all over the place.

Yes I've always felt like this at Christmas after age 15 or so. This year is especially sad as my mil who was Mrs Christmas died unexpectedly in March so its the first Christmas without her.

Yes I feel it too, even more so at New Year. It feels like I'm going through the motions these days, so much effort and expense. Three years ago there were 6 of us for dinner, now it's down to3 This year is just the 2 of us due to lockdown. I can't call my best friend as I did every year on Christmas Day because she died 2 years ago too. Even though DH has a lovely grandchild now and I'm considered a grandparent, there's the same stupid bullocks every year with DH's XW (ex from 20 years ago) where we are never allowed to spend the day with his adult children. I feel done with it all.

It's a time of year that really magnifies emotions isn't it. to all of you who have lost someone or if you're just feeling sad.

Reading @DecemberSun's Welsh word reminded me of my favourite German word "sehnsucht" which has a similar meaning, and yes I always get a weird feeling at Christmas of living in the past and present at the same time, kind of a wee bit haunted. Also made the mistake of walking through the churchyard today on the way home and realising how many people I knew who are buried there, people's babies, children, friends parents, old neighbours...should have known better and gone the long way round...

I'm feeling a bit flat this year, my teen dd has developed an eating disorder over lockdown which means so many of the usual things that make Christmas great are spoiled this year.

I'm also sad that she's not so little now, not excited like she used to be and that her childhood seemed to whizz by in a flash 😥

Yes l feel this weird feeling too OP. DH just wants to relax as he has a few days off but l just want to make it as fun as l can for dd. The underlying issue is l had secondary infertility so she is an only child which l didn't want and l always feel like if she had other kids here, it would be better. We have got other kids in the family but DH never wants to travel 40 miles on his day off which l get but just want her to have fun. It is always disappointing and l get massive envy when l hear of people having massive family gatherings.

I always feel this way. I am strangely comforted to know I’m not the only one.

Love the run up to Xmas, hate actual Xmas eve-boxing day.
I think being a child of divorced parents and now being a single parent myself has a lot to do with it.
This year I am sad because I’ve lost a lot of people once close to me, my dc are all grown up and all I can think of is who will be missing next year-family, friends, pets.