Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Xmas

30 replies

Nana12 · 23/12/2020 23:38

Am I unreasonable to be upset. We can mix in a family of 3 households so me and daughters father-in-law ( both of us single) are going to daughters. I was told I must leave before tea as son in laws adult children and grandchild coming and there would be too many. Should they come and also do they need to as they are not single and alone but I will be alone for the evening. Got upset and now seems I’m not welcome at all as his children come first. What to do?

OP posts:
PickAChew · 23/12/2020 23:39

It's supposed to be 3 households in total, not 3 at a time.

Misty9 · 23/12/2020 23:42

I thought it was only 1 other household now in England tiers 1-3?

gobbynorthernbird · 23/12/2020 23:49

They're obviously breaking the rules but of course his children come first.

partyatthepalace · 23/12/2020 23:50

It’s too many households so they shouldn’t be doing this.

But taking that aside YABU as they are just trying to share out the day.

frogswimming · 23/12/2020 23:55

It sounds against the right les to me. But having said that, I think yabu,they are trying to be fair to everyone.

Original poster
Nana12 · 23/12/2020 23:59

I accept it is to share out the day but it is hard to find yourself alone. Don’t think the other should come but as I am in daughters support bubble does that class us as one household, not two.

OP posts:
LawnFever · 24/12/2020 00:01

Yes I think if you’re in their support bubble you’re classed as their one household

Original poster
Nana12 · 24/12/2020 00:03

So that means I stay alone all day but his daughters who have already spent the day with their mother and grandparents go because they come first.

OP posts:
blue25 · 24/12/2020 00:04

His children should come first. Be grateful you’re going there at all.

gobbynorthernbird · 24/12/2020 00:07

@Nana12

So that means I stay alone all day but his daughters who have already spent the day with their mother and grandparents go because they come first.
It seems like you'll be alone because you had a tantrum at having to share the day. You could try apologising.
LawnFever · 24/12/2020 00:12

@Nana12

So that means I stay alone all day but his daughters who have already spent the day with their mother and grandparents go because they come first.
If they’re your support bubble you’re classed as one household anyway
BewareTheBeardedFatMan · 24/12/2020 00:12

His adult children come first, but OPs adult child essentially doesn't? Depends on how you handled it OP, but it seems overly harsh for them to say you can't come at all now, and it is hard for you to be left alone all evening. This year sucks.

katy1213 · 24/12/2020 00:26

You had a nice invitation and now you've kicked off and ruined the whole day for yourself. You either apologise and sound like you mean it - or hope there's a dinner for one left in the shop.

Original poster
Nana12 · 24/12/2020 00:32

I think I’ve not put my thoughts down correctly. I don’t mind sharing the day but choices have to be made due to COVID. Are we saying that adult children who live with their mother and will not be alone Xmas day having mother grandparents, uncle there then come round to daughters. This means that I cannort go and must stay alone. Is this the correct choice to be made at this time.

OP posts:
AccidentallyOnSanta · 24/12/2020 00:35

What does your daughter say about this? What does she want to do?

And how come it's you that has to go and not his father?

blue25 · 24/12/2020 00:37

I would just be really careful you don’t fall out with your family over this. Just accept you have to share the day and stop making such a fuss.

You sound really self centred- it isn’t all about you.

PurpleMustang · 24/12/2020 00:39

For one you should only be going around for a few hours to cut the risk. Two, as you are in her support bubble you have been seeing them. Three, there are far too many people going to too many different houses breaking all the rules. Four, why, assuming you don't want to catch it would you spend it with others that have already seen several households and lastly why are you pressuring them to make a choice that you come first be dammed to what anyone else wants. Do you realise how many are and have been literally on their own this year

Furrybutts · 24/12/2020 00:40

It's just one day. You won't be 'alone all day' because you are going to to your daughter's house, then leaving before tea.
I don't see the problem.

Original poster
Nana12 · 24/12/2020 00:45

Even with COVID rules. I can’t go now because of the rules and we would be over the numbers. . These children are in their 20,s and one has her own child and have spent the day with mother, partners, grandparents and uncle. Seems unfair that the choice made is to leave one person alone. By the way I haven’t said anything but worry about breaking the COVID rules.

OP posts:
Original poster
Nana12 · 24/12/2020 00:50

Thankyou everybody for the comments. It has been very helpful . It is Difficult when you can’t talk through difficulties with another person so this forum has helped put everything into perspective. We are one bubble household so I will go but leave at teatime. It s worth pointing out that I haven’t expressed this to my daughter but have been silently crying at home and trying to make sense of it all.

OP posts:
Original poster
Nana12 · 24/12/2020 00:58

It’s me because I always help them and they are scared of his father. I’m always amenable and do things the way they want even paying for his daughters when we went to Spain, and paying for a bigger cottage in Devon so they could join us. It’s because I’m not selfish that I’ve been asked to leave early. They know I’ll agree which I have done. I’ve just been trying to come to terms with it by myself. They know nothing about my thoughts at this moment.

OP posts:
Lifeaintalwaysempty · 24/12/2020 01:17

This is such a difficult time for people living alone, I’m sorry. But also hard for families making difficult choices trying to please or accommodate relatives safely.
Please don’t feel unwelcome, they obviously want you there, but it’s clearly also important to son in law and his children that they see each other on the day, and that’s understandable too.
If you could, you’d feel better talking to your daughter, let her know you can’t wait to see her on the day, you understand the pressures of having to choose, but just that you’re feeling a little lonely this time of year with everything. Maybe they can shift timings a little so you could spend a bit more time with them. Or maybe you’ll just feel better with a bit of reassurance that you’re very much wanted on the day.

Rubybluesy · 24/12/2020 01:24

Many people will be spending the day alone this year it's not the end of the world

TwnklTwnklLittleStarfighter · 24/12/2020 01:33

@Nana12 I think they are treating you horribly and it sounds like they take advantage of you.

Living well is the best revenge, so enjoy your time there but make sure you have a bloody good time when you get back home too! Glass of wine, nice music turned up loud, read a book while having a leisurely bath. Pamper yourself and enjoy the peace and quite while they are probably arguing and sick of each other.

Original poster
Nana12 · 24/12/2020 01:44

It is also worth pointing out that I have given them money to pay for the Christmas food. Not the booze though because I don’t drink.

OP posts:
Swipe left for the next trending thread