Christmas Gifting

[punkylaroux]

Before I begin I want to say categorically that I don't give to receive. However I wonder AIBU to feel a bit disheartened that I've this year I've done nearly 14 presents for children of friends and have received only 2 back for my own? I fully appreciate that giving the gifts is my choice but in some cases I've not even had a proper acknowledgement as they've been handed over through other friends due to the current situation. I really don't want to resent giving presents but when I put time and effort into buying/wrapping/delivering gifts is a quick text to say thank you unreasonable to expect?? Help!

Maybe you'll get thank you messages on Christmas Day/once the present has been opened?

I think that this year has led many people to reflect on consumerism

People have realised that there is too much unnecessary gift giving at both a financial and ecological cost

Did you misread the room?

Is it because it's difficult for people to see you to gift?

Well hopefully they’ll say thanks on the day- I haven’t said thank you for any gifts received via 3rd parties for the DC yet- will do so when they’re opened!

I’d stop buying if it’s not reciprocated.

@TeenageMutantNinjaCovid

I think that this year has led many people to reflect on consumerism

People have realised that there is too much unnecessary gift giving at both a financial and ecological cost

Did you misread the room?

Consumerism doesn’t negate manners though.

@TeenageMutantNinjaCovid absolutely- I’ve contacted several friends to suggest that we stop exchanging for DC. They have all been relieved!

I’d expect a thanks after the children have opened them on Christmas Day but to be honest now most of my friends have 2 children (I also have 2) I prefer not to bother with gifts for them all. It’s ridiculously expensive to try and buy for them all and they all have plenty so maybe that’s your friends thinking but poorly communicated

I wouldn’t expect thanks until after Christmas when they have been open.

Do these friends normally reciprocate?

Amongst my friends we don’t do presents because would be far too many. If only one person does then it’s really awkward

Do you normally swap presents with these people?

Possibly I am being a bit premature but yes we have previously exchanged gifts, I'm not at all bothered about a reciprocated gift I'm talking more about an acknowledgement/thanks from parents of gifted children as I hadn't seen directly. Nothing at all to do with material value or consumerism?

Maybe their etiquette is to have a present for people they are seeing only. I say rude to expect thanks (life is much easier if you let go of this) and rude to not give it.

I have no truck with ungrateful children and parents. I have culled my present buying list of two young relatives who seem incapable of acknowledging gifts.

We normally do thank yous after presents have been opened. That way we can do more of a specific thank you. So more 'thank-you for x gift, x face lit up when they opened it and they will enjoy eating/playing with/wearing it' and maybe a photo

I would say next year, no more presents and end the whole thing.

We don't open pressies til Christmas day, so I wouldn't expect any acknowledgement before then. I always write cards / notes etc after the day itself x

an acknowledgement/thanks from parents of gifted children

That sounds fair enough, but expecting thank yous before Christmas is setting the bar a little high IMO.

Receiving presents from people when you were not planning to give anything, especially this close to Christmas, is more likely to elicit a 'oh d£&n, what can we give them and how' response.

We only buy for the children of our closest friends, who we've known for a very long time and whose children we have seen grow up, 3 children from 2 families, and our nephews, if you're buying that many presents its crazy, that means you also but 14 children's birthday presents a year, so 28 children's gifts plus those for parties etc your children are invited to from school, club friends etc, it gets unmanageable.

Just stop buying gifts I think. I don't exchange gifts with friends (surely most people don't) or extended family and I remind them of this every year. If someone doesn't respect this and gives a gift for me or my dc it's actually annoying. I will of course say thank you but I won't run out and get them something in return. It will just perpetuate the cycle.

I find it quite rude that people can't say thank you. It really doesn't take that long to type it out in a message.

One thing I've realised this Christmas is that some people don't want presents for their children as they feel they then need to buy one for mines. I can see it in the way they act and I never want to make them feel awkward ever. So next Christmas I won't mention presents. (I did tell them not to get anything for my kids, I just love buying presents!)

I would expect thanks but not till after Christmas Day - presumably they haven’t even opened them yet?!

If you haven’t been thanked by NY then yes that is rude.

YANBU to expect a thank you at some point but it isn't Christmas Day yet, so YABU to have expected a thank you yet.

Re the giving 14 presents to dc of friends, and being upset you only have 2 back, I'm more surprised that you have given that many presents to people. That isn't generally expected.

You've probably put them on the spot a bit and made them feel a bit awkward.

@BackforGood

YANBU to expect a thank you at some point but it isn't Christmas Day yet, so YABU to have expected a thank you yet.

Re the giving 14 presents to dc of friends, and being upset you only have 2 back, I'm more surprised that you have given that many presents to people. That isn't generally expected.

You've probably put them on the spot a bit and made them feel a bit awkward.

In terms of 14 presents, it's spread over several families some of which have four children so close family friends of which we have watched grow up, some are god children so it is something we have always done so I'm not sure I understand the awkward comment? But yes I will withhold my disappointment until after NY.

If you are only giving gifts to recieve special praise and get the warm and fuzzies then you are doing it for all the wrong reasons.

Fourteen children to buy gifts for sounds like a lot, when they aren't your own or even close relatives... If you don't receive at least a thank you this year, I'd seriously consider whittling that number down or reducing the gifts to tokens for some of them.

My children write thank you notes for gifts but only after they've been opened, so they can thank the person for the specific thing they received. I thought that was quite normal. It hadn't occurred to me that we would be considered rude for not "acknowledging" receipt of the unopened gift before Christmas