To tell 19 year old DS that he needs to lose weight ,,,

josben · 2020-12-23T01:07:11+00:00

DS has been putting on weight for a while, we both went to Slimming World in the summer and he lost 1 1/2 stone. he just came back from uni and has put it all back on and some more weight too (maybe another stone...?) How can i help him to lose weight best... It is worrying me and DH..! We just want him to be happy TIA

Thegrinchshorriblesister · 23/12/2020 01:09

It’s really really tough worrying about somebody who needs to lose weight but honestly there is nothing you can do apart from not buy any unhealthy food. You can take a horse to water but you can’t make them drink it.

Over eating is usually triggered by mental health issues.

LeSangeEstDansLarbre · 23/12/2020 01:13

Why do you think he’s unhappy at this weight? Has he told you? If he’s not unhappy and hasn’t asked for your help to lose weight, then it’s not your business - he’s an adult now and responsible for himself. He’s probably had a whale of a time, drinking and eating junk. If you’ve taught him the basics of how to look after himself you just have to accept that these are his choices now.

GlummyMcGlummerson · 23/12/2020 01:23

That is really tough. Could you get away with saying "right I need to get my diet into gear again, will you support me DS as we did so well on slimming world together" are will it be too obvious?

Babyroobs · 23/12/2020 01:28

My 21 year old ds is the same. He lives off fast food at Uni and has got big. I'm really quite embarrassed at what a slob he has become. Like others have said though, they have to want to do something about it. At the moment he just thinks it's a huge joke.

Bunbunbunny · 23/12/2020 01:33

Don't talk about weight, change focus on being healthy. Moving more eating fresh food, not processed and if he's struggling to eat well at university why not teach him to cook some meals with what he had available. He's probably been bored being stuck inside and has eaten out of boredom. Buy him a cook book to take back with him. Go for walks with him whilst he's with you.

If he adopts healthy habits he'll loose weight, it's more positive than feeling shit about your weight or yourself.

youvegottenminuteslynn · 23/12/2020 01:34

I put on a stone during my first year at uni as did many of my friends. But I wasn't overweight with that extra stone. If he is only slightly overweight I wouldn't mention it for now. Obese I might but it's not like he won't know he should lose weight! Morbidly obese I would tell him I was worried about him. Many factors to consider.

Sweettea1 · 23/12/2020 01:36

You just want him to he happy. So have you asked him how he feels about the weight gain maybe he is happy. You don't say his weight is he obese or just a few pounds over weight? Either way he's a grown man just ask him how you can help if theirs any support he needs so on.

Babyroobs · 23/12/2020 01:37

@Bunbunbunny

Don't talk about weight, change focus on being healthy. Moving more eating fresh food, not processed and if he's struggling to eat well at university why not teach him to cook some meals with what he had available. He's probably been bored being stuck inside and has eaten out of boredom. Buy him a cook book to take back with him. Go for walks with him whilst he's with you.

If he adopts healthy habits he'll loose weight, it's more positive than feeling shit about your weight or yourself.

It would be impossible to go for a walk with my ds, he leads a nocturnal lifestyle, sleeping all day until 5pm then up all night going out at 5am to buy breakfast take aways. We have tried to teach him to cook, it's all to no avail, he just eats junk.

JamieLeeCurtains · 23/12/2020 01:38

All big people know they're big.

People have to want to change. I wish I knew the answer.

A lot of young adults are on certain SSRIs which mean they gain weight, also.

I guess the important thing though is to show love, affection, acceptance and encouragment of healthy living including positive thinking. It has been a pretty horrendous year for young adults.

partyatthepalace · 23/12/2020 01:51

It’s called the Freshman 15...

If you’re only taking a couple stone overweight then I think previous comments that it must be an MH issue are a bit alarmist. It’s quite common to put on weight in early adulthood while you are learning to make good choices.

If you did SW together then presumably you can talk c it? You should for sure, but with out making a huge deal - just say you can see weight is back, all v understandable in 1st year, but how can you support in healthy choices as don’t want to keep piling it on.

If he ignores you then - nothing you can do other than occasionally flagging it.

DumplingsAndStew · 23/12/2020 01:54

He knows he has gained weight, you don't need to tell him

Quaagars · 23/12/2020 02:10

How can i help him to lose weight best... It is worrying me and DH

You can't.
At the age of 19, it has to come from him.
Just leave him alone.
I say this as someone who wanted to lose weight at that age and did,
Even though looking back I was skinny lol
Somebody telling you you need to lose weight isn't going to do anything if you can't get your head into it yourself.

Yeahnahmum · 23/12/2020 02:31

He is 19
It's up to him now
Maybe the only thing you can is lose weight and keep it off and talk about the health benifits you got from it. But otherwise? Not a lot you can do about it...

LovePoppy · 23/12/2020 02:33

@Babyroobs

My 21 year old ds is the same. He lives off fast food at Uni and has got big. I'm really quite embarrassed at what a slob he has become. Like others have said though, they have to want to do something about it. At the moment he just thinks it's a huge joke.

Being overweight does not make you a slob.

What a horrific attitude. Your poor son.

Yoshinori · 23/12/2020 03:06

@Babyroobs
In what way did the poster suggest being overweight made you a slob?

A slob is someone who is lazy. I assume they meant they had become overweight due to being a slob and eating takeouts rather than cooking etc.

You seem sensitive . I wonder why.

Yoshinori · 23/12/2020 03:07

Sorry meant to @/lovepoppy

Babyroobs · 23/12/2020 09:26

[quote Yoshinori]@Babyroobs
In what way did the poster suggest being overweight made you a slob?

A slob is someone who is lazy. I assume they meant they had become overweight due to being a slob and eating takeouts rather than cooking etc.

You seem sensitive . I wonder why.[/quote]
Yes he is lazy in a lot or respects. He doesn't cook properly, won't eat healthy food that we cook for him. Lies in bed all day etc. He is too lazy to cook when at Uni and just lives on take aways.
I didn't say being overweight makes you a slob. Yes I am overweight myself but I am always busy, don't live in a pig sty and make sure we all have mainly home cooked meals.
I was just pointing out that my son has become a bit of a slob since going to Uni, not that all overweight people are slobs. He doesn't look after himself at all and before people ask if he's depressed, I really don't think he is. My dh has taught him simple healthy recipes but he just eats take always all the time, huge bottles of coke and lucozade, never eats fresh fruit or vegetables , ever. I wasn't meaning to be nasty about him, just that I am shocked at how he lives but having said that, an awful lot of other parents that I have spoken to have said their kids have come back from Uni having gained a lot of weight. I know it has been a difficult year but my other ds who is eighteen months younger has managed to cook himself healthy meals, keep fit with weights and exercising etc.

KarmaStar · 23/12/2020 09:45

Leave him alone.he's not a child,he is aware of his body shape.
Do not say a word unless he comes to you about hit.
Having a parent day that is very hurtful and could start eating disorders.

KarmaStar · 23/12/2020 09:45

It not hit
Say not day.

NotOfThisWorld · 23/12/2020 09:46

I think you're naturally worried and you're probably right that it would be best if DS lost weight and lived a more heathy lifestyle. However telling him to lose weight is very unlikely to help and may be detrimental.

Seeline · 23/12/2020 09:49

IF he has been at uni, I'm not surprised.

Many students have barely left their rooms this term - lockdowns, self isolation, lectures on line, most student haunts shut. Add to that students drinking in their flats, and poor diet of course they've put on weight! My DS was relying on takeaways for a while - he was isolating and couldn't get a supermarket delivery slot. Uber would deliver. At least he was getting some food.

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 23/12/2020 09:49

I read a book on teens... can’t remember which one it was....

Anyway it dealt with weight problems, and said that focusing on ‘eating healthy’ and ‘activity’ was as bad as telling someone they were fat. It’s just the same message in a different way.

Instead focus on it in terms of abusing the body and it being a health issue this way. Raise it as abuse rather than coded health eating.

alittleprivacy · 23/12/2020 10:38

@JamieLeeCurtains All big people know they're big.

Do they though? When I got overweight I was in utter denial about it. In my mid-20s I first hit an unhealthy weight and convinced myself I was really muscly from martial arts. I was quite muscular but it was under a layer of an unhealthy level of body fat. Quite a lot of my clothes stopped fitting me but I completely put it down to my muscles and after I stopped martial arts, to the fact that I just wasn't a teenager anymore. It was around the time that vanity sizing had started so I was able to buy new clothes that were supposedly the same size as my old clothes and so the delusion was set.

I continued to put on weight slowly for years. I new I had a bit of extra weight on me but I was utterly, utterly delusional about how much. Especially as being a bit overweight has become the more in our society. I thought I had about a half stone or so to lose. In reality I had passed into the obese weight range. It took seeing it in a photo to realise I wasn't a bit overweight, I was genuinely 'fat.'

People have to want to change. I wish I knew the answer.
For me, the number one main thing was actually accepting that I was fat and it was going to impact my quality of life more and more as I aged and probably shorten my lifespan. What didn't help, was that outside of my parents, not one person I that I spoke to about needing to lose weight, agreed with me that I was overweight. At a point where I was actually obese! I know it's a difficult thing to say to a person, but I actually would have found it far, far more helpful if I wasn't assisted in my cosy delusion for the best part of 15 years. It hurts to have someone tell you that you are overweight. But is it as damaging as all just going along with it silently while someone damages their health and wellbeing?

Beachhuts90 · 23/12/2020 10:54

I'm really quite embarrassed at what a slob he has become.

This is just mean, and way beyond normal concern by a parent. I hope he never hears you say this or similar, for your sake; weight can go up and down but cruel things said by your parent stick with you forever.

Babyroobs · 23/12/2020 11:34

@Beachhuts90

I'm really quite embarrassed at what a slob he has become.

This is just mean, and way beyond normal concern by a parent. I hope he never hears you say this or similar, for your sake; weight can go up and down but cruel things said by your parent stick with you forever.

My Ds is very aware he has put on weight, he doesn't need to be told, but at the same time isn't motivated to do anything about it. He laughs about it. I know it's hard. He works at mc Donalds and they give him free meals every shift then a large discount, so he ends up eating a huge amount of take-aways each week. He can get 2 meals within his shift allowance which seems ridiculous. I read another article in the paper recently where a girl who worked at mcDonalds had lost eight stone of weight that she had piled on by taking advantage of the freebies they give to their staff. I wish they wouldn't do it. I think this along with the student drinking culture is causing the problem. He rarely eats a healthy meal.