Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

To tell 19 year old DS that he needs to lose weight ,,,

39 replies

josben · 23/12/2020 01:07

DS has been putting on weight for a while, we both went to Slimming World in the summer and he lost 1 1/2 stone.

he just came back from uni and has put it all back on and some more weight too (maybe another stone...?)

How can i help him to lose weight best... It is worrying me and DH..! We just want him to be happy

TIA

OP posts:

lyinginthegutterstaringatstars · 23/12/2020 12:33

He is 19 .I would speak to him about your concerns but as an adult it's up to him to change habits or not.

Diddlysquatty · 23/12/2020 12:37

Don’t have any easy answers

But a very small percentage of people lose weight permanently doing stuff like slimming world. How many people will be ‘restarting’ in January? It’s £££ for them.

So I’m sorry I don’t know the answer but pretty sure that getting him started on a diet/binge cycle is not it.

If he wants help - trying low carb might be a more long lasting solution, or maybe learning how to cook if convenience food whilst at uni is a factor

Waveysnail · 23/12/2020 12:39

No. He is an adult

NoSquirrels · 23/12/2020 12:41

Please just leave him be.

My DH has struggled with his weight his entire life and I can tell you his relationship with his dad, (who was also always “concerned for his health”) was really affected badly by the comments and conversations. It did sweet FA to help. He already knew he was overweight, he already knew he should eat better. Christmas is a particularly tough time to feel like someone you love is watching what you eat and criticising you.

Your DS is an adult, he knows the basics of nutrition and calories in/out as you’ve done Slimming World with him. It’s completely normal to put on weight first year of uni and it usually evens out again.

Nowaynothappening · 23/12/2020 12:46

My younger brother is morbidly obese. He’s tall (about 6 ft 2) but I’d say he easily weighs 20 stone, if not more. He has been with his partner for about 8 years now, she used to be a ballet dancer and was always petite. They have both gained weight together and it isn’t just a little, it’s quite significant. When my brother still lived at home he used to eat the food my Mum had cooked and then order himself a takeaway later in the evening pretty much every single night... My mum worries enormously about him and has tried to offer him help lots over the years but he isn’t interested. He’s bought a house with his partner now and the situation has got worse, I think they just sit and eat together.

It’s difficult because it’s understandable for you to worry but lecturing really won’t help. Think it’s like dealing with an addiction really, only the addiction is food. The person has to want to lose weight for it to ever work.

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 23/12/2020 12:54

‘t’s difficult because it’s understandable for you to worry but lecturing really won’t help. Think it’s like dealing with an addiction really, only the addiction is food. The person has to want to lose weight for it to ever work.’

And this is why the ‘healthy eating and exercise’ manyrs which is just an indirect way of discussing losing weight doesn’t work.

As l said it’s about abusing your body which is a form of addiction.

FinallyFluid · 23/12/2020 13:02

My mother told me I was overweight in the run up to my wedding, I was 9 stone 4 and again she mentioned it on my wedding day.

I lost five and a half stone five years ago on the cancer diet and once I came off the feeding tube my weight plummeted from 13.5 to eight, I have since gained half a stone and look better for it, anyway point being when I hit 9 stone 4 she clutched her pearls and said darling you are too thin......I took great delight in giving her a long hard look and saying this is what I weighed on my wedding day, the day you told me the dress would have looked better if I had made more of an effort. I held her gaze, she didn't hold mine.

That is only one of many incidents where she thought my weight was her place to comment, the time she told me I would probably never get osteoporosis as only thin people get that was also another blinder.

Before I lost all the weight I took to retaliating and my favourite was you need to spend more money on bras, your cleavage is looking more than a tad saggy, she was horrified and outraged, when I pointed out that there was no difference she backed off.

Sorry that was long, but cathartic

In conclusion his weight is none of your business, he is old enough to live away from home, he is old enough to manage his own weight.

umpteennamechanges · 23/12/2020 13:18

I don't think adults should ever comment on other adults weight to be honest.

It never, ever leads to them deciding to change (and I say this as a fat person).

The only outcome is that he'll feel annoyed with you and you won't have a very happy Christmas atmosphere.

Either he'll come to the realisation himself or he won't - there's nothing you can do about it.

bridgetreilly · 23/12/2020 13:44

I think that since you have been to SW with him in the past, it's okay to have a conversation with him about it. But don't tell him anything. Ask him how he feels about his current eating habits. Is he trying to eat healthily? Is there anything you can do to help him with that? But don't put pressure on him and certainly don't make it about your feelings. It has to be his choice. And frankly, the way things have been for the past few months, if he hasn't had the emotional capacity to control his diet well, that seems fair enough to me.

Biffbaff · 23/12/2020 13:46

Do some reading. Diets don't work. Have a look at "Just Eat It" - a book and the author puts up info on Instagram. According to research (which she shared on her stories today), overweight and obese people (according to BMI tools) are no more likely to die from cardiovascular disease than those in lower weight categories. It's fat phobia that drives weight loss campaigns, veiled as "concern for health". Weight obsession is just as unhealthy. In short, leave him alone and ask yourself why his weight gain bothers you so much.

Littleyell · 23/12/2020 13:49

@DumplingsAndStew

He knows he has gained weight, you don't need to tell him

I don’t know weather this is a case of personalities differing. I have put on weight before and not really noticed... also I have been told before (it’s not nice). I do think it’s better someone close to you gently tells you rather than just letting you get bigger!

ludothedog · 23/12/2020 13:49

The way you deal with your DS being over weight is for you to show him you love him no mattter what and that you will keep out of his business unless he asks you for help, and even then you tread lightly.

He doesn't need you to tell him he's put on weight.

MiniCooperLover · 23/12/2020 13:52

This is a pretty common thing to happen during the first year of Uni, the freedom of being away from home often means students put on weight. I'd assume he's aware because he's lost weight with you before, he just needs to learn some food food habits that translate to uni life

Poppingnostopping · 23/12/2020 14:17

If he's already been to Slimming World, he knows when he's overweight and so doesn't need you to tell him, or to tell him how to lose it (as he also knows that too).

Just leave it, it's up to him how he eats and how he presents his self to the world, you do you as my kids say.

Flip

1 2