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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

No contact from friends - AIBU?

30 replies

coffeewithmilk · 22/12/2020 18:36

I've recently gone through a huge traumatic experience in my life and had to have emergency surgery.
I put a short message explaining what had happened into my friends group whatsapp (about 9 friends in it) and they all replied things like 'sorry to hear' 'get better soon'
Since that message, I haven't heard from anyone. I thought someone might have contacted me to see if I'm home from hospital or how I'm doing but no, nothing. I then saw they were all together and out for dinner the following day.

AIBU in thinking that I should have heard from someone or even go to the extreme to receive a get well soon bouquet of flowers or card?
It's made me extremely upset which has worsened the situation in itself.

Maybe I'm just over considerate and would be the first to contact someone if the roles were reversed?

OP posts:
SeasonFinale · 22/12/2020 19:04

Yes it must be upsetting thay none of your friends have followed up with a how are you. I am mystified where you are that 8 friends can meet up for a meal though

Waveysnail · 22/12/2020 19:06

Perhaps they think that you could still be in hospital ?

Cherrysoup · 22/12/2020 19:18

Cornwall and Hereford are Tier 1, not sure if the rule of 6 applies there?

MeMarmiteYouJam · 22/12/2020 19:20

That's really inconsiderate and unkind of them, op. At least a follow-up, an offer of a good shop, something. That's what friends do, surely.

OmarListening · 22/12/2020 19:22

Could they still think you're in hospital recovering? They might be waiting to hear you're home.

Original poster
coffeewithmilk · 22/12/2020 19:22

We aren't in the UK so restaurant dining of up to 10 people was allowed last week - currently now that rule has been changed

OP posts:
NotOfThisWorld · 22/12/2020 19:37

YANBU even a not very close friend would have had a message checking in and offering to pick up shopping for them or any other job they needed doing. Probably would have sent flowers if it was a close friend.

PancakesAndSyrup · 22/12/2020 19:42

That's not very nice of them. I'd be upset too OP. How are you feeling now? I hope you get well soon Flowers

partyatthepalace · 22/12/2020 20:00

This sounds v poor, YANBU

Perhaps drop round a message saying how you are and it would be nice to hear from them...

And then start making some new friends.

WeatherwaxOn · 22/12/2020 20:04

Unfortunately a lot of people are really flaky.
I have a friend who was in dire straits last week - they have a number of disabilities and are at risk of falling. Their mobile phone had an issue and wasn't working. They posted on social media and explained how it was a massive problem as if they fell they couldn't ring for help.
Almost every reply was "Sorry to hear that"
Not one person offered any actual help.

This was before the latest restrictions came in. Someone could have helped, but nobody did.

billy1966 · 22/12/2020 20:27

So sorry OP.

That is really awful.

I hope you feel better soon.
Flowers

sbhydrogen · 22/12/2020 20:30

I'd be upset, too. Sorry to hear it. I might mention it to one person in private and then hopefully they'll all realise (quickly) that they're not being the supportive friends you need.

Apollo3 · 22/12/2020 20:33

I am mystified where you are that 8 friends can meet up for a meal though

It's going to blow your mind when someone shows you a globe. Imagine, there are other countries that aren't yours! Who knew?

nosswith · 22/12/2020 20:36

Sad not one has phoned. Even given how much people have on their mind or their plate at this time of year, seems poor.

Nostrings457 · 22/12/2020 20:41

Sorry to hear this OP. Although I do think this is an issue with whatsapp groups. Like you im in a large whatsapp group with friends. It is sometimes very superficial with replies like you mention, but ots purely down to it being a group chat. It lacks that 1:1. Not that thats an excuse but just my experience.

TripleSeptic · 22/12/2020 20:43

I would leave the group and see who messages after that. If none, there's the answer. They're not friends.

I wouldn't apologize for the flounce either. I'd say I felt let down and unloved, and I don't need to see them socialising and enjoying themselves when I'm feeling like shit.

Just leave ♥️

userxx · 22/12/2020 20:45

@SeasonFinale You couldn't help yourself could you 🤣

UrghThisIsHard · 22/12/2020 20:52

@Apollo3

I am mystified where you are that 8 friends can meet up for a meal though

It's going to blow your mind when someone shows you a globe. Imagine, there are other countries that aren't yours! Who knew?

😂
BrummyMum1 · 22/12/2020 21:15

How long has it been? If they think you’re in pain and need rest I doubt they’d be calling or sending stuff. Personally I got sent flowers etc around 2 weeks after a similar experience but I was in a lot of pain and wouldn’t have been able to have a conversation with anyone either in that time.

gettingfedupagain · 22/12/2020 23:30

It's a group chat, which means that the phenomenon of "collective responsibility" comes into play. and it's a bit impersonal. Everyone can assume that someone else is supporting you. You might have got more support if you'd messaged individually. Hope you're ok.

gettingfedupagain · 22/12/2020 23:31

@WeatherwaxOn

Unfortunately a lot of people are really flaky. I have a friend who was in dire straits last week - they have a number of disabilities and are at risk of falling. Their mobile phone had an issue and wasn't working. They posted on social media and explained how it was a massive problem as if they fell they couldn't ring for help. Almost every reply was "Sorry to hear that" Not one person offered any actual help.

This was before the latest restrictions came in. Someone could have helped, but nobody did.

I would have messaged privately if I was offering support as I don't like virtue signalling
OursonGuimauve · 22/12/2020 23:53

@WeatherwaxOn

Unfortunately a lot of people are really flaky. I have a friend who was in dire straits last week - they have a number of disabilities and are at risk of falling. Their mobile phone had an issue and wasn't working. They posted on social media and explained how it was a massive problem as if they fell they couldn't ring for help. Almost every reply was "Sorry to hear that" Not one person offered any actual help.

This was before the latest restrictions came in. Someone could have helped, but nobody did.

Did you help them?
1Morewineplease · 22/12/2020 23:56

Maybe they feel that they need to leave you be until you become more active?

Ideasplease322 · 23/12/2020 00:07

They are not really your friends. Sorry.

How are you feeling now? Do you have the support you need?

Sinful8 · 23/12/2020 04:02

I dunno if friend had gone through a "huge" trauma, then announced it via group chat id probbaly wait for them to reach out rather than pressure

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