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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Who is being unreasonable about Christmas?

77 replies

BBCdramaaddict · 22/12/2020 17:39

DH’s parents are coming to us Christmas Day. DH wants me to stay home with DS 7 and DD 5 and not do anything or see anyone until after his parents have been. I think he’s being unreasonable to expect us to do this. I understand his concerns but the I don’t think that one event should trump the rest of the holidays. We’re in tier 2. Who is being unreasonable?

OP posts:
Sally872 · 22/12/2020 19:28

Go for a walk with your sister on boxing day. Age is a huge risk factor. He is right to be cautious.

FelicisNox · 22/12/2020 19:33

Having read your 2nd post, no, you're not being unreasonable.

Just on the basis that the kids were at school until Friday and the incubation period is 2 weeks, he literally doesn't have a leg to stand on.

Go for a walk, wear your mask and keep your distance. You'll be fine.

katy1213 · 22/12/2020 19:39

There's no-one I want to see so much that I'd isolate for two weeks. Tell them what you're doing and let them decide if they want to come or not. Your husband could isolate and go to see them if he's that bothered. A walk and a socially-distanced panto sounds fine to me.

switswooo · 22/12/2020 19:42

Er, no, if you're stuck entertaining his parents all day then you're allowed to go out if you want, especially as they haven't been shielding.

Is he usually such an arse? He seems to be wanting to play the caring son at your expense.

switswooo · 22/12/2020 19:42

I will not be going to the panto

Oh yes you are!

switswooo · 22/12/2020 19:43

Sorry, is he expecting you to stay home from NOW? What an idiot.

windturbines · 22/12/2020 19:45

Absolutely go for a walk when you were planning to. If they have been out and about then I don't see why you should hole yourself up just to appease him. Your MH and seeing your family matters just as much.

Go before everything is likely in full lockdown. You can always stay slightly distanced or wear a mask, but you might not get this chance again for a while. X

majesticallyawkward · 22/12/2020 19:48

Surely not going out now is pointless if the kids were at school Friday and he's at work. What is he expecting? Isolation is 2 weeks, if any of you had it then staying in for 3 days makes no difference.

I'd also say SD panto or a walk outside is less of a risk than school or workplaces where distancing is harder. Just go, mention it to the in-laws so they can make an informed decision.

TW2013 · 22/12/2020 19:53

If the walk is Christmas Eve, even if your dsis were positive it would have to be fairly quick to catch it from her and have enough of a viral load to pass it on the next day. Having said that will you get the blame if they catch it and dh having been at work and PIL shopping would be conveniently forgotten?

WildfirePonie · 22/12/2020 20:40

I will not be going to the panto

Oh yes you are!

Nice Grin

Looneytune253 · 22/12/2020 21:06

Surely his suggestion is quite sensible and it's what we're supposed to be doing in preparation for mixing on Xmas day

AnneElliott · 22/12/2020 21:37

I think he's being unreasonable. Esp about a walk outside! I know your niece is isolating but thr rest of her family don't have to.

And since you've been at school a d work then he's being OTT. Just let his parents decide. If they're out and about themselves then they're not likely to worry.

EasterIssland · 22/12/2020 21:44

I agree with him. Between black (staying at home) and going to a panto or going out with someone who has someone self isolating at home (white) there are some greys (going for a walk as a household) that wouldn’t put his family at risk.

RhiWrites · 22/12/2020 21:49

The main two things that we’ve argued over are a walk with my Dsis and her family.

You’re not allowed. In Tier 2 you can only socialise outdoors in a group of no larger than 6. There are 4 of you, your sister abs family sounds like a group larger than 2. Sorry, but you can’t do that.

BackforGood · 22/12/2020 21:52

YABVU

Going to school, going to work, and going to the odd shop are things you have to do.
For your dc to spend time with their Grandparents on Christmas day, as safely as you are able to make it you are being asked to hold off on the walk with your sister and her family, until Boxing Day. It is hardly a big ask.
Going to the pantomime in the current climate is just stupid.

HTH1 · 22/12/2020 21:57

Going against the grain, I would totally go to the panto. Sister can wait til Boxing Day.

Original poster
BBCdramaaddict · 23/12/2020 04:18

It really is a mixed bad of replies. And I’m still not 100% sure what I’ll do.
The walk would me me and my two and my sister abs 2 of hers so 6 in total, within the rules.
@switswooo
Oh no I’m not Wink

OP posts:
BarbaraofSeville · 23/12/2020 05:13

If you're seeing DSis outside and can manage not to hug any of her family or the ILs, the extra risk is so low, it's not worth worrying about, especially given you've all been working/school and the PILs have still being out and about themselves.

Make sure you have the windows open when they're with you on Christmas Day - good job everyone has a supply of sweaty polyester Christmas jumpers.

It's the expectation that only you have to make any sacrifices here that's unreasonable. PILs have probably being living their lives more or less as normal, DH has been going to work. Yet he expects you to sit at home to avoid a risk that's probably not there, or tiny within the existing risk profile for your circumstances.

KellyJonesLeatherTrousers · 23/12/2020 06:40

We are seeing relatives that are mid 70s on Christmas Day and I have not organised any other outdoor walk meet-ups (or anything else) for a week before Christmas Day for this reason. I don’t think your DH is unreasonable.
Not sure where you are to be able to go to a panto - but the National Theatre are sharing their panto on YouTube today from 3pm, perhaps you could create a theatre type experience for you and the kids at home instead so they don’t miss out.

Yeahnahmum · 23/12/2020 06:43

Just humor him
Its a small sacrifice and will gain you a lot of happiness from him.

Nowaynothappening · 23/12/2020 06:54

Personally wouldn’t risk seeing elderly relatives this Christmas, not when they’re about to be vaccinated within the next few weeks. Why even bother with the risk for the sake of one Christmas? Appreciate they’re old and there’s always the risk it may be the last but I couldn’t live with myself if I knew I’d given my elderly Grandmother covid and it killed her.

poorbuthappy · 23/12/2020 07:14

If the elderly parents are not isolating then surely they've made their own decision?
And come off it. He's in work. Kids only finished school on Friday.
So it's only your plans who he wants to change?

BlackCatShadow · 23/12/2020 07:22

I’d just Skype your sister for now and go for a walk after Christmas, if possible. I know it’s hard, but I don’t think it’s worth the risk.

I definitely wouldn’t go to the panto.

Just if you did end up catching it and passing it on to his parents, you’d feel terrible.

ScrapThatThen · 23/12/2020 07:34

It's a mixed bag of responses because it's a risk and people approach risk differently. I think a lot of people have been following the advice of scientists (and Boris) to isolate since schools broke up, although I have since then heard many of the public health scientists move to saying don't have people over for Christmas any more.

inquietant · 23/12/2020 07:37

I wouldn't have the walk because they are young people who you can expect to see in Spring (nothing is ever guaranteed I grant you). I would arrange a zoom scavenger hunt or something instead. It is shit but this year is this year.

I wouldn't have the in laws over for dinner either.

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