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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Who is being unreasonable about Christmas?

77 replies

BBCdramaaddict · 22/12/2020 17:39

DH’s parents are coming to us Christmas Day. DH wants me to stay home with DS 7 and DD 5 and not do anything or see anyone until after his parents have been. I think he’s being unreasonable to expect us to do this. I understand his concerns but the I don’t think that one event should trump the rest of the holidays. We’re in tier 2. Who is being unreasonable?

OP posts:
NotOfThisWorld · 22/12/2020 18:06

I can see why he objects to the panto - most people I know who have been to 'socially distanced' events like this have said it's been completely rammed on the way in and out and not much distance when you're sitting down.

Obviously he can't control what his parents do but he would probably feel forever guilty if one of his kids gave it to his parents.

SleepingStandingUp · 22/12/2020 18:08

What's his job? Is he around other people?

I'd agree you won't bug DSIS etc but that would be it. The Panto would possibly depends on how secure it is but given his parents are out and about anyway and you've all been in school and work it's not like you exposing shortlisting people by one trip

nosswith · 22/12/2020 18:09

The walk I can understand if someone has had Covid in the family, and I think that ought to be postponed until afterwards.

Phineyj · 22/12/2020 18:11

They will be getting the vaccine soon hopefully given their age, so why run the risk of seeing them?

unchienandalusia · 22/12/2020 18:11

We were absolutely prepared to do this to see my DPs for Boxing Day when we were in tier 2. Now tier 4 so can't anyway.

Early 80s? Yes absolutely. Panto and walk with a family who have an isolating DC totally fair enough to cancel. Yabu.

SilenceOfThePrams · 22/12/2020 18:11

Your niece is isolating, possibly covid positive.

If she is covid positive but not yet symptomatic, your sister and rest of the family could have it. And pass it to you, and you could pass it to your elderly, highest risk relatives.

Can you really not put that off until Boxing Day?

Nyancat · 22/12/2020 18:13

This is the reason we aren't seeing parents/in-laws for dinner this year.

It isn't worth it for us for one dinner to spend two weeks with the kids locked up and even at that I know both sets would be uncomfortable with the kids being too close. It might sound selfish but I'm not spending the day telling the kids to stay away from them and that they can't go any closer when all they want is to be close to them, it's worse than not seeing them.

So instead we'll meet them for a walk outside instead and hand over presents. Then keep everything crossed for them getting vaccinated early in the new year and we'll have a separate belated Xmas dinner when they are.

In the meantime the kids and I will spend time outdoors with their friends who are in the same position as us.

Original poster
BBCdramaaddict · 22/12/2020 18:13

I think that’s what’s annoying me the most. We are all around other people for various reasons, Including his parents, but when I then want to be around a few more people for something that’s not an absolute necessity, he thinks I am risking their lives. I am only planning on doing things within the tier 2 rules. No one has been isolating, least of all his parents.

OP posts:
Love51 · 22/12/2020 18:19

Let his mum choose! If she's anything like my kids' gran's she wouldn't have them miss out to see her.
Mine have been at the childminders'this week. They've been told not to hug grandparents. The kids will be compliant, it my mum who might try to sneak a cuddle.

RunningFromInsanity · 22/12/2020 18:27

I think both the activities he is objecting too are risky and he has a fair point.

WildfirePonie · 22/12/2020 18:32

So DH is allowed out, but you're not? Ok. Bullshit I would go out every single day!

MichelleScarn · 22/12/2020 18:35

So they are going out and about, he is going out and about, just you and the DC to isolate?

Brighterthansunflowers · 22/12/2020 18:36

YABU

School and work are essential, socialising and pantomimes aren’t. The official guidance suggests people wanting to see elderly and/or vulnerable people for Christmas should isolate in the run up to it to reduce the risk. Over 80 puts them in a high risk group, why wouldn’t you want to reduce the risk as much as you can for them? You can go for a walk with your sister and her family after Christmas when your niece is no longer isolating.

NotOfThisWorld · 22/12/2020 18:39

The fact that you've been at school and work mean your risk is already higher. It doesn't make the panto or walk with potential covid positive family less risky. Can't you just do both after Christmas day?

Theotherrudolph · 22/12/2020 18:43

I would bear in mind the chances are we will be in lockdown/tier 4 over most of not all of England starting Boxing Day. I wouldn’t assume you can do anything after Christmas Day. Not suggesting you go on a mad “blowout” but just to consider.

DHdweller · 22/12/2020 18:45

You are imo

Original poster
BBCdramaaddict · 22/12/2020 18:46

I didn’t want to wait until Boxing Day in case we ended up in tier 4 abs the opportunity then disappears.

OP posts:
Viviennemary · 22/12/2020 18:49

You aren't supposed to be seeing anybody anyway. What were you planning to do. Why are you on a walk with somebody who has been exposed to Covid. YABU.

Unsure33 · 22/12/2020 18:49

Just because something is within the rules it does not mean it’s safe .

My Sil and whole family have gone down with covid and they had been very careful .

Trust me it’s not nice if you get a bad bout .

And they have no health problems.

Heronwatcher · 22/12/2020 18:50

The walk I would do, but not if one of the family is self isolating. The panto, absolutely no way. I see his point to be honest, maybe you could do a walk with your sister after his parents have visited and the self- isolating is over.

Heronwatcher · 22/12/2020 18:51

And even in tier 4 you can meet one other person outside so you and your sister could meet alone (might be better to do that anyway).

Covidrelapse · 22/12/2020 18:55

I agree with your husband. The pants is high risk unless it’s sitting in your car as I’ve seen in some places. And no way would I be meeting up with sister if household member is isolating.

LazyName · 22/12/2020 19:01

I was going to say he is BU but not when you want to go for a walk with a family that has a positive case in (even though they aren’t there) and a panto! I know of people who have been to ‘socially distanced’ places ONLY and still caught covid.

Original poster
BBCdramaaddict · 22/12/2020 19:08

Thank you for all your replies. I will not be going to the panto. I’m still undecided about the walk. I suppose I am upset at the thought of not seeing my family so we can see his. Which I know sounds mean. But so many things have been cancelled over the Christmas period I was really holding onto that Christmas Eve walk.

OP posts:
Cherrysoup · 22/12/2020 19:12

But if his parents are going shopping, how is you going for a walk with your dsis making things worse? He’s being ridiculous.

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