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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is DH’s family breaking the law?

41 replies

Plzhelpme56 · 22/12/2020 11:57

We want to know if they’re big hypocrites. I should preface that DH is a stately homes child and I’m posting on his behalf to get some perspective as he’s very upset.

MIL and FIL live in tier 2. MIL provides childcare to DN’s in another tier 2 area. We are tier 4 and were meant to host Christmas. We understand we now can’t but waited to see how his family would approach it as they’ve always been difficult with us.

DH called his mum about Christmas and what was happening. She informed him that BIL has flown from Ireland today, they (FIL, MIL and BIL) are in the car travelling to SIL’s where they’ll stay until Christmas/Boxing Day.

This is definitely not allowed right? No childcare is taking place. Everyone is on annual leave. They will be staying over etc.

They are just not breaking the rules coming to us to go to theirs?

Thanks

OP posts:
SillyUnMurphy · 22/12/2020 11:59

If they are, they are. What are you going to do - shop them to the police (who really aren’t interested!) I suggest you get on with your small family Christmas and step out of the rest.

vodkaredbullgirl · 22/12/2020 12:01

stately home child!!

vodkaredbullgirl · 22/12/2020 12:02

another post for the knackers yard

SillyUnMurphy · 22/12/2020 12:02

@vodkaredbullgirl

stately home child!!
Is that relevant to the story OP?
Aquamarine1029 · 22/12/2020 12:04

Why are you so concerned with what they're doing? They can make their own choices and you can make yours.

CrotchBurn · 22/12/2020 12:08

Yes they are horrible people and you are clearly the only good ones in the family

Santaisironingwrappingpaper · 22/12/2020 12:09

Just be happy you aren't having them all to you this Xmas...

partyatthepalace · 22/12/2020 12:10

@vodkaredbullgirl

stately home child!!
This
baublesbaubleseverywhere · 22/12/2020 12:12

@vodkaredbullgirl

stately home child!!
Do you know what the OP means by that?
JamieLeeCurtains · 22/12/2020 12:12

"Stately homes" is a reference (I presume) to a long running series of threads in Relationships about adults with toxic parents and unhappy childhood memories that need processing.

JamieLeeCurtains · 22/12/2020 12:14

It refers to the sorts of parents who swear they could never have been less than utterly perfect, because 'We took you to stately homes as a child!'

BeneficiaryMadness · 22/12/2020 12:14

Stately homes child is not what some posters think it means, it from a years long running thread to support people who are the victims of abuse during their childhood.

nosswith · 22/12/2020 12:14

Did the flight happen? Pity that the customs cannot just refuse entry to anyone not returning to their main home.

YANBU.

baublesbaubleseverywhere · 22/12/2020 12:15

@Plzhelpme56 I can't recall what the rules are about the number of households mixing at Xmas outside of tier 4, was it just two? But I do know it's only supposed to be for one day. So yes they are breaking the rules.

But, there's not much you can do about it so DH needs to take it on the chin, and be thankful that you're not involved!

vodkaredbullgirl · 22/12/2020 12:15

Thank you for clearing that up.

Mamagotskills · 22/12/2020 12:16

It’s against the rules OP. But they don’t sound like the type of people who would enhance your Christmas anyway

Hahaha88 · 22/12/2020 12:18

Who cares though

Nowaynothappening · 22/12/2020 12:18

The rules are arbitrary at best, many people will be breaking them. The government fucked up handing Christmas to people on a plate then snatching it away less than a week before Christmas. Lots of people will still be sticking to their original plans.

Original poster
Plzhelpme56 · 22/12/2020 12:18

Yes stately homes the thread on here. MIL is NPD and DH is still struggling. But he wanted to know if his anger was justified because they are breaking the law or because he’s just got his own problems.

SIL is golden child so was always going to end up there one way or another!

OP posts:
NotSorry · 22/12/2020 12:25

In your position, I’d be thankful for tier 4 - it gets you out of seeing them for Christmas without any aggravation. As for the rest of it, let them get on with it. Yes, they are breaking the rules but enjoy your own relaxed Christmas without them. Love and peace to you and your DH (from another Stately Homeser)

JamieLeeCurtains · 22/12/2020 12:25

I would say your DH's anger is justified, as in his seeing this as part of his mother's general behaviour pattern of always doing want she wants and always being self-absorbed and always surrounding herself with enablers.

A healthy way to look at this for him might be to appreciate he's just dodged a bullet, to appreciate that his judgement of her is correct, and to appreciate that he is no longer one of her unthinking enablers.

In the new year he could work on strategies to maintain this.

He'll never change her or the others. He can only change the way he reacts to it.

Lookslikerainted · 22/12/2020 12:26

Yeah like most of the nation, they are breaking the law? Find it hard to care. Be more upset that they didn’t tell you their plans. Concentrate on your own family Christmas abs be happy you don’t have to spend it with difficult people.

QuantumJump · 22/12/2020 12:26

What they are doing is against the rules. But it would be worse if you did this (as you're in tier 4).

amaryllisu · 22/12/2020 12:27

Of course it is against the law. You know it is. Smile

CrotchBurn · 22/12/2020 12:28

I think your husband needs to move on

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