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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Is DH’s family breaking the law?

41 replies

Plzhelpme56 · 22/12/2020 11:57

We want to know if they’re big hypocrites. I should preface that DH is a stately homes child and I’m posting on his behalf to get some perspective as he’s very upset.

MIL and FIL live in tier 2. MIL provides childcare to DN’s in another tier 2 area. We are tier 4 and were meant to host Christmas. We understand we now can’t but waited to see how his family would approach it as they’ve always been difficult with us.

DH called his mum about Christmas and what was happening. She informed him that BIL has flown from Ireland today, they (FIL, MIL and BIL) are in the car travelling to SIL’s where they’ll stay until Christmas/Boxing Day.

This is definitely not allowed right? No childcare is taking place. Everyone is on annual leave. They will be staying over etc.

They are just not breaking the rules coming to us to go to theirs?

Thanks

OP posts:

tuttifuckinfruity · 22/12/2020 12:35

Hold on, why is the OP getting a hard time here?

So PIL were supposed to be coming to you, but that's now against the rules. So without even telling you, they have decided to all travel to your SIL's house, which is also against the rules?

Yes, that is very shit. To not even speak to you about cancelling is incredibly rude.

As you say, it sounds like SIL is the golden child and that's just where they want to be. Leave them to it, keep them at arms length from now on.

crosspelican · 22/12/2020 12:36

I think your husband's trauma is clouding his response right now. What they get up to while you are in Tier 4 is nothing to do with him, so long as they don't "drop by" on Christmas Day expecting to be welcomed with a giant Christmas dinner.

It sounds like they didn't bother expressing any regret about not seeing you on Christmas Day, but please - encourage your husband to heave a sigh of relief and to think about how much calmer he feels when he doesn't have to deal with his parents over Christmas.

RaiderOfTheKitchenCupboard · 22/12/2020 12:41

No, it’s not allowed. Don’t let them drag you and your husband into it. Don’t let it ruin your Christmas. And if SIL gets fined for hosting a gathering, it’s not your problem.

Chloemol · 22/12/2020 12:41

Yes they are breaking the law. Just leave them to it, go nc

NailsNeedDoing · 22/12/2020 12:45

@Plzhelpme56

Yes stately homes the thread on here. MIL is NPD and DH is still struggling. But he wanted to know if his anger was justified because they are breaking the law or because he’s just got his own problems.

SIL is golden child so was always going to end up there one way or another!

He’s angry because he’s got his own problems. He can’t be angry about them breaking the law when he doesn’t even know what the law is.

They are doing nothing nothing wrong, and even if they were, it’s not yours or your DHs business to be angry about it.

LindaEllen · 22/12/2020 12:48

They are breaking the rules, but you're not getting involved in the rule breaking, and you can't do anything about it - so IMO they are selfish gits, but there's no point ruining your Christmas over it.

Nanny0gg · 22/12/2020 12:52

@NailsNeedDoing

Yes they are, as no overnights? No visits on Boxing Day

But the OP's husband is clearly upset, thinking they'll break the rules for his sister but won't even think about it for him.

Lucky escape OP.

NailsNeedDoing · 22/12/2020 12:55

It sounds like the BIL shouldn’t be doing the overnights, but no reason why the parents and their daughter shouldn’t if they’re already in a bubble. You’re allowed overnights with your bubble.

WhatWouldYouDoWhatWouldJesusDo · 22/12/2020 13:35

If they're already providing childcare they're classed as the same household.

We have a DD who lives in a residential home because of her disabilities. After an awful weekend we've been told we're officially exempt because DD has always spent time with us and between the two homes (( not as much as I'd like but that's enough )) so she's coming home tomorrow and can stay for as long as she likes.

We've all had.to have a covid test before and isolate and DD will have one before she goes back but that's mainly to protect the other residents

TillyTopper · 22/12/2020 13:38

I would really not be bothered whether family (or anyone else) is breaking the law or not. Personally, if I were you and your DH, I'd have a lovely Christmas at home by ourselves and take the win!

Planty13 · 22/12/2020 14:14

Yes against the rules. I couldn’t get upset about it if they are in a childcare bubble together tbh

Original poster

Plzhelpme56 · 22/12/2020 19:37

Thanks for those who seem to understand DH’s problems.

The reason we think that it’s rule breaking is that DN is over 1 year old, so the only bubble is for childcare. Only his mum provides childcare (never the dad or brother) and they are not going there to provide childcare, therefore breaking the rules.

It’s literally that they will do it for one child, the favourite, but not the other. This is what we needed to know as it seems to have given DH the kick to put himself first and go low contact

OP posts:

Nanny0gg · 22/12/2020 19:39

@WhatWouldYouDoWhatWouldJesusDo

If they're already providing childcare they're classed as the same household.

We've all had.to have a covid test before and isolate and DD will have one before she goes back but that's mainly to protect the other residents

Nope. That's a support bubble.

Informal childcare is just that. Childcare

cptartapp · 22/12/2020 19:49

I get you OP. The rule breaking is irrelevant really it's just another example of favouritism isn't it? We have the same. SIL will always come first. I've had years of seeing DH treated as second best in many similar scenarios.
I think a lot less of PIL and we don't see them as much now.

KarlKennedysDurianFruit · 22/12/2020 19:52

Interestingly for those saying police aren't interested, at our local police briefing this morning (work related), policing priorities are around this in tier 4, they are using anpr to track vehicles leaving and re-entering the tier, increased police for road side checks and additional British transport police being brought in on trains over the Christmas period

Livelovebehappy · 22/12/2020 20:03

It doesn’t matter to you though if they break the rules? You know they’re breaking them, as do they. There may be consequences for them if they get caught, but tbh it’s their decision/problem, and doesn’t affect you, so don’t waste energy thinking about it.

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