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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Bought in Christmas dinner

34 replies

DeftandGlory · 21/12/2020 20:40

Been with DP for several years but don’t live together. We do Christmas together with our older children and the grandparents. DP is very enthusiastic about it all.

As we don’t live together we used to take it in turn to cook but for the last few years DP has taken over. He says he loves doing it which is fair enough. He is meticulous with timings and he spends the morning in the kitchen which gets him out of have to entertain the parents too.

My AIBU is that lunch has increasingly gone from being home cooked to being done by M&S. This year it’s the whole dinner from starters, sides, crown to Colin. Even the gravy is M&S from a pot. Its not the food itself because it will taste nice enough but the way he has taken over lunch but isn’t really cooking. He’s telling everyone how much he loves doing it and it’s no trouble etc etc. It’s bugging me that he doesn’t actually say “lets save the effort and buy it all in this year” or “ let’s treat ourselves to M&S” rather than what he said which was “let me cook you know how much I love doing it”.

We’ve had a bit of an argument over it and he said “ you cook next year then” which I would happily do if he hadn’t insisted he do it.

OP posts:
Covidrelapse · 21/12/2020 20:43

I’ve done M&S for a few years and it’s still hard work and stressful. The only difference is I’m not coming home from work on Christmas Eve, spending time with my 2 excited young children and settling them to bed then peeling spuds and preparing the veg. The M&S stuff takes the preparation aspect away not the cooking side. I still spend the best part of 2 hours in the kitchen cooking even with the prep being done by M&S

Heronwatcher · 21/12/2020 20:50

I think this is a bit of a non issue, unless you resent paying for the M&S food. Let him buy it in, give him a pat on the back and sit down with a glass of sherry. Rather that than let this bug you so much you have to cook the whole blessed thing next year from scratch.

CovidCakeConundrum · 21/12/2020 21:03

Thats a bit sad. He thinks he's cooking but he's just doing a ready meal roast. I think its easy to year by year add more and more ready done stuff. Maybe next year he'll be reminded how much nicer a real dinner is. YANBU! He's not cooking- he's just putting stuff in the oven at the right time.

LouiseTrees · 21/12/2020 21:06

He’s still doing the timings and running back to the kitchen to put things in the oven. First world problem much? Do you have an issue with m and s food?

DeftandGlory · 21/12/2020 21:58

It’s not the food as such. It’s the fact he’s doing Christmas dinner again because he loves doing it. But obviously it’s being the host he likes, rather than actually cooking.

I really like cooking and it actually annoys me that he’s not even making gravy. Even if I offered he wouldn’t have let me make it because he’s doing the cooking and that would have been me “taking over” (I offered last year).

Yes absolutely a first world problem.

OP posts:
Crunched · 21/12/2020 22:04

I get loads from M&S but the bits that are not ready prepared, potatoes and sprouts, alongside nibbles and then just assembling the starter/breads and puds still means I take an age in the kitchen.
Obviously it will be very much quicker this year as there is only 6 of us and a LO.

Fluffybutter · 21/12/2020 22:04

Must admit it does sound a bit half arsed .
You can’t beat homemade gravy and even if it is M&S it’s still technically all ready meals .

Boulshired · 21/12/2020 22:08

If his M&S gravy tastes better than he can do himself I do not see the problem. Christmas dinner must be the one of the biggest stresses of the day. If people took more short cuts then people wouldn’t need to turn away from the Christmas dinner. Much rather have this type of meal than the martyr in the kitchen pretending their having a great time whilst their hand is up a turkey rather than holding a nice glass of wine.

Mumdiva99 · 21/12/2020 22:09

I'm not sure i see the issue. It's still cooking. Just lower stress. I did M&S for boxing day last year- turkey crown, beef stew, pork joint, dessert.....I think I peeled my spuds and carrots myself (althougy other half might have.....) and chopped broccoli up. I enjoyed doing it - because normally my other half always cooks....not because I can't but because he's good at it and hates the socialising. So I've lost some of my confidence. M&S gave me back confidence.

Sit back, enjoy a glass of champagne and enjoy being given your dinner with no effort from you.

Ragwort · 21/12/2020 22:11

If you don't live together then surely you can be firm and say 'I will cook next year'.... even if that means he prefers to stay at home with his M & S meal and Colin ... just do what you want to do.

HitthatroadJack · 21/12/2020 22:13

The only issue is that you feel you are missing out on cooking, and you would like doing it.

Ready-made Christmas is perfect otherwise. It's the worst day of the year to be stuck in the kitchen as far as I am concerned.

If you are happy to do it all, then absolutely take over next year. You can do alternate years.

letsdolunch321 · 21/12/2020 22:16

@DeftandGlory does it really matter!?! Christmas lunch/dinner is one day in a year, with everything else going on at the moment, I would just be happy to have a Christmas lunch/dinner.

StillCoughingandLaughing · 21/12/2020 22:20

But if you know it’s been happening gradually in recent years, why haven’t you said something before now? You’re just being petulant.

steff13 · 21/12/2020 22:20

It's not really something I could be bothered about. Who cares how he gets the food on the table?

Who is Colin?

Fluffybutter · 21/12/2020 22:39

[quote letsdolunch321]@DeftandGlory does it really matter!?! Christmas lunch/dinner is one day in a year, with everything else going on at the moment, I would just be happy to have a Christmas lunch/dinner. [/quote]
Oh here we go .. “just be grateful you get to eat at all ..”

CatchTheCulprit · 21/12/2020 23:11

Yes - can you tell us what the 'Colin' bit was meant to say?

StillCoughingandLaughing · 21/12/2020 23:15

Colin the Caterpillar 🐛?

UndertheCedartree · 21/12/2020 23:45

Colin the catterpillar yule log of course! I'm picking one up too! Xmas Grin

DeftandGlory · 21/12/2020 23:53

Yes Colin the Caterpillar. Apparently we had to have one because it’s tradition ..er right ( we had one last year)

StillCoughingandLaughing I’ve gone along with it trying not to be petulant. Being grateful for a partner that is happy to produce a good Christmas lunch.

I don’t mind keeping it easy honestly and if we had a conversation that said let’s sack off and buy everything in that would be fine. It’s that he’s got to do one of the most important meals of the year because he banged on about cooking it.

I’m not saying I’m Nigella but can you imagine her sitting back enjoying bubbly with the in laws if her other half said he’d do lunch and then just bought it all in?

OP posts:
Ragwort · 22/12/2020 03:50

Can't you just inwardly eye roll and let him get on with it ? Pour yourself another glass of Prosecco, or whatever you drink.

BarbaraofSeville · 22/12/2020 05:02

How on earth does shoving a few trays in the oven take 'all morning in the kitchen'?

I'm also 'meticulous with timings' but can do a Christmas lunch from start to finish in 3 hours with plenty of time for sitting down/chatting to people and the only prep beforehand would be to start the trifle and take anything frozen out of the freezer.

All the starter and veg prep happens after the turkey has gone in and any time we have guests to entertain, that would happen the day before.

Sounds like he's hiding in the kitchen to avoid having to socialise tbh.

Nothing wrong with pre-prepared wherever it comes from, but it's a bit much to be taking credit for 'cooking'.

KatherineJaneway · 22/12/2020 05:18

How on earth does shoving a few trays in the oven take 'all morning in the kitchen'?

Agree

BarkHoneyBark · 22/12/2020 05:48

I see where you are coming from, you are right, but it isn’t worth getting het up about. I can cook, dh can put M&S things in the oven. I’m v happy for him to do so on Christmas Day and he’s welcome to say he’s cooked.

We do mostly m and s, buy gravy, crown, stuffing, bread sauce, cranberry sauce.

If I’d been shopping this year I’d probably have bought the parsnips and all the veg ready to go too. But I have a line, has to be real roasties.

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 22/12/2020 12:27

Never understand this. Roast dinners arent hard! And it doesnt involve 2 hours of faff even if you make it from scratch!

HitthatroadJack · 22/12/2020 13:20

@NoIDontWatchLoveIsland

Never understand this. Roast dinners arent hard! And it doesnt involve 2 hours of faff even if you make it from scratch!
it's not about being hard, it's about choice.

Don't get me wrong, if you enjoy making your own christmas pudding, your own pizza, anything, go for it, it's not "hard". But if you don't enjoy it, why bother?

There's a reason why pubs and restaurants tend to be full and booked months in advance for Christmas Day in normal time.

I can't be arsed with veg prep, or any prep at all, I'd rather spend time with my kids and whoever is around with us that day. The whole point of the day is to enjoy yourself. If you like cooking, cook. If you don't, be grateful for all the yummy food available for delivery straight to your door!