Bought in Christmas dinner

[DeftandGlory]

Been with DP for several years but don’t live together. We do Christmas together with our older children and the grandparents. DP is very enthusiastic about it all.

As we don’t live together we used to take it in turn to cook but for the last few years DP has taken over. He says he loves doing it which is fair enough. He is meticulous with timings and he spends the morning in the kitchen which gets him out of have to entertain the parents too.

My AIBU is that lunch has increasingly gone from being home cooked to being done by M&S. This year it’s the whole dinner from starters, sides, crown to Colin. Even the gravy is M&S from a pot. Its not the food itself because it will taste nice enough but the way he has taken over lunch but isn’t really cooking. He’s telling everyone how much he loves doing it and it’s no trouble etc etc. It’s bugging me that he doesn’t actually say “lets save the effort and buy it all in this year” or “ let’s treat ourselves to M&S” rather than what he said which was “let me cook you know how much I love doing it”.

We’ve had a bit of an argument over it and he said “ you cook next year then” which I would happily do if he hadn’t insisted he do it.

How can it take him all morning?

I think what’s unreasonable here is him taking credit for ‘cooking’ Christmas dinner when he isn’t. Unless he cheerfully says ‘it’s all from M&S, so much less work’ when anyone asks him about it.
There is nothing inherently wrong about buying in the food but trying to give the impression you have worked hard cooking it to get praise from others is unreasonable in my opinion.

Mmm. How indeed. Basically he’ll just be in and out the kitchen being jovial but terribly terribly busy, followed by slightly stressed plating up.

Meanwhile I have to make sure everyones glass is topped up followed by cups of tea, polite chat, clearing the wrapping paper/chocolate wrappers/ plates, polite chat.

He’s talking about Christmas Colin the Caterpillar being a tradition but we had a tradition of the kids doing the prawn cocktail; chopping lettuce, lemon twists, the right mix of prawns and Marie Rose sauce, dusting of paprika. Not this year. It’s M&S thimblefuls of cocktail mixed with Grand Mariner.Again, tastes great but is that all that counts at a family get together.

Meh. Maybe I’m being a humbug and should just let him enjoy being in charge of his M&S, advert perfect Christmas.

Ok so he is reheating food rather than cooking it.

On the other hand, you can have the morning off, have lunch and say Bravo

Buy a nice bottle and say well done. He could quite as easily make a terribly awful homemade gravy etc which you would have to patronise.

Look up what films are on while he is 'cooking' and enjoy

As you don't live together, who is actually 'hosting' Christmas, if it is at his house then it's surely up to him how he provides the meal, but if it is in your house then next year just speak plainly 'I will cook this year'. Or leave him at home with Colin and his ready made food .

And is it your DPs or his? Or both?

@CovidCakeConundrum

Thats a bit sad. He thinks he's cooking but he's just doing a ready meal roast. I think its easy to year by year add more and more ready done stuff. Maybe next year he'll be reminded how much nicer a real dinner is. YANBU! He's not cooking- he's just putting stuff in the oven at the right time.

That is still cooking, lots of women do it that way too. ‘Just putting stuff in the oven’ is any frozen food being cooked so most people’s kids dinners.

Say what you like about the OP and/or her partner.

But I will not have a word said against Colin.

Well my life was revolutionised when I discovered that buying everything from M&S was a damn sight easier than trying to cook it all myself. Mind you it is microwave intensive and you have to be very careful on the timings to get all the veg hot.

Although I use Aunt Bessies roasties in preference to the M&S ones as easier to cook, and most shop turkey gravy tastes disgusting so I do try to do that.

I don't get your issue. If you want it all made from scratch then do it yourself. If not just sit down and enjoy your dinner.

This is such a non issue, especially this year. Across the country there are thousands of families who've had to cancel all Xmas plans if they are in Tier 4. It sounds like you're still able to get together with your children and parents and you have said that the food tastes nice and he is a good host. There are worse things than an M&S dinner. Why not focus on the positives this year, and next year be firm about the fact that it's your turn to host.

But he's not a good host. The OP says he spends most of his time in the kitchen, doesn't entertain his parents and its her that does the hosting duties of 'making sure everyones glass is topped up followed by cups of tea, polite chat, clearing the wrapping paper/chocolate wrappers/ plates, polite chat'.