Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that being The Single One is almost as bad as being single?

46 replies

Releve · 21/12/2020 18:13

I don't know anyone my age who is still single. I really don't. Everyone is dating someone, and the usual Christmas glut of pregnancy announcements and engagements are starting to get me down.

In the past three weeks, I've sent congratulations on two new babies and three engagements. I'm so happy for my friends, I really am, but I'm so sad for myself. I feel like I am invisible or move in slow motion compared to everyone else.

OP posts:
formerbabe · 21/12/2020 18:14

How old are you?

miserableannie · 21/12/2020 18:15

I couldn't just ignore your post. How old are you? I felt like this some years ago. Completely on my own. Then within 3 years I got a wonderful man, got engaged, got married, had a baby and due another next year. Its like waiting for a bus. Everything will come at once. You just wait and see. Best of luck

Original poster
Releve · 21/12/2020 18:16
OP posts:
Original poster
Releve · 21/12/2020 18:18

I am so glad that all happened for you miserableannie.

OP posts:
Pinkyandthebrainz · 21/12/2020 18:21

28 is so so young. For lots of people it doesn't happen till their 30s.

miserableannie · 21/12/2020 18:21

OP 29 was when my dreams started to happen. Your still very young. I know its even more depressing this year but when things start looking up, go on adventures, meet friends and have the best time ever. That all stops when you settle down. Can't remember the last time I went out without a snotty child hanging onto my leg. But that's what I chose and its wonderful, I wouldn't have it any other way

dairyswim · 21/12/2020 18:23

I know you don't want to hear this but 28 is so young. You have loads of time to find someone, if that's what you want.

That being said, I think single people have had it very hard during COVID. There's been so many stories about postponed weddings but the wedding is just a day, those people still have their relationships; I feel worse for people not having the opportunity to meet anyone.

Pinkpercy · 21/12/2020 18:23

I’m in your boat and I’m nearly 36 so don’t worry, you have bags of time. I’m hoping I have too Grin

ForestNymph · 21/12/2020 18:25

I've got single friends your age OP, there's nothing wrong with you

WhereamI88 · 21/12/2020 18:26

I met current DP at 30, there's no rush at 28 although I know what you mean. Around 27-28 everyone got a boyfriend/fiance and no longer came out as much, no weekends away with friends, odd brunch here and there and that was it

Original poster
Releve · 21/12/2020 18:31

The rationale part of me knows that I do still have time, but it's so hard watching everyone else go through it all together, iykwim? Like they're all sitting together on the bus and I'm running to catch it.

OP posts:
Annasgirl · 21/12/2020 18:38

Wow OP, I thought you were going to say you were 40. I know it is very different here in Ireland but no one I know was married or even engaged at 28. And now, people are barely finished University here at that age.

It always seems as if everyone is getting married when you are the single one, perhaps see if you could join some new activities in the New Year? Or try online dating? Many of my friends met their DH this way. And try to enjoy the things that you can only do when you are single - the thing is, you will never know that a Christmas was your last year as a singleton until it is too late to enjoy it (I met Dh totally unexpectedly in February one year - I had no idea that the previous Christmas was my last single Christmas (if I did, I would have kissed someone under the mistletoe Grin).

And of course I know it is very different this year, but perhaps focus on the things you can do selfishly, because once a DH and DC arrive, your "me time" disappears for a while.

Conkergame · 21/12/2020 18:54

Aw OP I was in your position at the same age and it’s really difficult, isn’t it? All I’ll say is that its all happened for me since and I’m sure it will for you too Smile

On the plus side, being older when you meet The One often means you know better who you are and what you’re looking for, as lots of people change hugely during their twenties. Hold tight - it will happen eventually!

LisaLee333 · 21/12/2020 19:00

28 is really not that young to still be single, with no sign of a relationship on the horizon. The OP is entitled to feel a bit worried and pissed off.

@Releve I do hope you meet someone soon. You sound lovely, and I am sure someone will come along when you're not looking!

I would be worried too if I was perpetually single, and less than 2 years off my 30s. As would many others.

Dinosauraddict · 21/12/2020 19:03

I'm 29. I am married with DS, but was one of the first in my friendship group to get married or have a child. About half my friends (all same age - both male and female) are single. The other half are coupled up.

StoneofDestiny · 21/12/2020 19:06

Are you hanging out with couples - if so join groups where there are single people around. I know of lots of people your age who are single.

Waxonwaxoff0 · 21/12/2020 19:06

I'm single and I love it. I don't want a relationship, I don't see being single as bad at all. I do have a child though so appreciate that I'm in a different position.

Original poster
Releve · 21/12/2020 19:10

Grin I'm not hanging out with anyone at the minute!

Thank you. It is hard. I just hope in a few years I can be in a completely different place.

OP posts:
Dobbyhasnomaster · 21/12/2020 19:12

Also a 28 year old singleton and I feel you! Hard isn’t it.

Scautish · 21/12/2020 19:14

I was in your position OP. People
Saying - “don’t worry it happened for me” can make things worse.

The thing is, it’s so random. No one can say for sure that you’ll meet someone and it’s shit. If you do nothing, nothing will happen. If you do everything, nothing can still happen - so unfair and demoralising. So just do stuff - get out when you feel like it but don’t put yourself under pressure. Don’t settle either.

I’m rambling a bit but I just wanted to say I’ve been in your position. I did meet someone but sometimes it terrifies me how random it was - a different choice on a 50/50 decision and my life would have been very different.

katy1213 · 21/12/2020 19:14

Don't be in a rush - 28 and single is great!

Original poster
Releve · 21/12/2020 19:17

Sometimes it's worse to hope. There was a good while where I kept saying to myself 'by milestone A or B you won't be single'.... and I was.

OP posts:
dontcrowdthemushrooms · 21/12/2020 19:19

OP, I'm 28 too and know exactly how you feel - I think we're a dying breed! I can't think of any single close friends, I do struggle with it sometimes but actually a lot of them seem wildly jealous of my so-called freedom (which is often really quite boring).
So perhaps we're onto something!

Cam2020 · 21/12/2020 19:24

The first of my friends to get married at 28 has been the first to get divorced at 38. Marriage and children isn't the end of the story. Plenty of people settle down later, you have lots of time although I appreciate it must be difficult to see everyone else moving on to other stages of their lives.

Annasgirl · 21/12/2020 19:28

OP, I didn't mean to sound flippant to you - my DM used to say to me - oh you will meet someone soon, don't worry - that really annoyed me. I also only had a few relationships so I was single for most of my 20's. I think it is easier for people who go from relationship to relationship - they never know the anxiety of thinking "will I be single forever?".

This year is awful but I would urge you to try internet dating or perhaps join a zoom quiz group or a zoom choir, until we can all start socialising and meeting people again. Remember, men your age are not meeting people either so there will be a rush of single people hoping to meet with someone when all this Covid pandemic is over.

And if you could try to find a group of single women your age to socialise with too, it really puts pressure on when all of your friends are moving on - whereas my DSis never worried about being single (into her late 30's) because all of her female friends and male friends were also single.