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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Baby couldn't play :,(

46 replies

enchantedspleen · 21/12/2020 14:08

I took my 7 month daughter to a sunday school event at my church (tier 2 area, socially distant) and she had a whale of a time, we made paint handprints and listened to the Christmas story.
However afterwards my heart just broke because she wanted to play with another baby who could crawl (dd isn't crawling yet) who kept coming over, but his mum moved him right away every time.
I understand, of course I understand. I get it. But I just saw her little face and It just felt so wrong.
She doesn't have any other children in our circle, she's not in nursery yet. We haven't been to any mum and baby groups as they've been shut, and the open ones have waiting lists so long we haven't had a look in. She's an only child and has basically not had a chance to meet any other children.

Kids need to socialise, and I'm so worried. Will she become sad and unable to socialise? Will she be a lonely kid where all she knows is adults and screens??? All I could do afterwards was cry and apologise to her.
Sometimes I wonder what kind of fucked up world I've brought her into where she can't even see members of her own family, or play with children, or go into a shop.

I'm so sorry I brought her into this mess. She's the light of my life and I just feel so guilty.

OP posts:
Ilovesausages · 21/12/2020 14:12

I feel your pain OP. I can’t imagine how hard this is for people with babies and young kids.

But the answer is that she will be ok. Just play with her as much as you can yourself. She is still so little and it’s your relationship with her that is the most important at this stage of her life.

Sillysandy · 21/12/2020 14:12

YANBU to find it painful, I am the same. My LG (she's two) was going to a playgroup once a week up until covid and I worry what impact it's having on her. Obviously I see why and agree it has to be done but it makes me sad too.

BrandoraPaithwaite · 21/12/2020 14:22

If you were crying in front of her when you were crying and apologising, that was probably the most potentially disturbing part of the day from her point of view.

She will take the tone from you and other carers in terms of whether to be calm and jolly, or distressed.

BrandoraPaithwaite · 21/12/2020 14:25

I don't mean to make you feel worse OP! I totally get it about mum guilt. It was bad enough pre-Covid never mind now. All new parents worry about whether they are doing the best for their babies. It's partly hormonal too for women I think. You sound incredibly caring and remember, she doesn't know any different so won't be missing anything.

snookercue · 21/12/2020 14:25

Actually babies are too young at 7 months to play with others. They play alongside. I wouldn't be remotely bothered by this situation.

PodgeBod · 21/12/2020 14:27

I get why you are so sad about this, I really do as I also have a baby the same age, but lots of babies are brought up without socialising with other little ones. I think it will impact the older toddlers and preschoolers more. Try not to worry about it too much, I was pretty isolated when I had my first baby and didn't go to baby groups and she grew up fine and very confident and social.

TheOtherMaryBerry · 21/12/2020 14:28

Yeah, it's so shit OP. My DS is just 3 and he has played with another child 3 times since March. He's starting preschool in January and I cannot wait for him to make some friends and be around adults other than me, he really needs it now. It's going to be a much more difficult transition now though. It's just so sad isn't it. We live a long way from family and have only lived in our area a year or so, so we don't know many people...went to his toddler group a couple of times when restrictions were lifted and had to all sit separately.

GlowingOrb · 21/12/2020 14:28

Babies don’t need to socialize with other babies. When they get to about 3 there is value in learning to be in a group of children. Before then, they really just need a loving parent.

Baby groups are for the parents, not the babies.

Puffthemagicdragongoestobed · 21/12/2020 14:30

Surely the main social interaction that babies need at that age is from their own parents. It sounds to me that your baby is getting this plentiful. Please don't worry too much Thanks

Twickerhun · 21/12/2020 14:30

As PP have said at that age she’s too young to play with other kids. She probably was surprised to see something moving and interesting but she’s not missing out on socialising. Try not to feel guilt, she’s got u and at her age that absolutely all she needs.

CoffeeRunner · 21/12/2020 14:30

She’s 7 months old, she won’t remember.

KitKatastrophe · 21/12/2020 14:31

I understand why you were upset about this but luckily your baby is too little to be worried about this or even have a clue what another baby is or that they could play together. My daughter is 9 months and we have had play dates with a few other babies, at her age all they do is climb on each other and try to pull each others hair/eyes/clothes.

Whatnameisgood · 21/12/2020 14:45

I totally get why you felt upset. It’s wrong on a very basic, human level for our children to be receiving a message that others are essentially dangerous. It brings joy to my heart when a stranger is lovely with my children or you see them interacting. It’s so natural to want to see them interacting with others and enjoy their responses. However please please don’t worry - your baby will be absolutely fine. Her interactions with you are vastly more important than any other interactions. But I get why you feel sad. Don’t apologise to her though. You haven’t done anything wrong and it’s a bit of a complicated reaction. Just cuddle her and love her, which I’m sure you’re doing! I hope you’re getting to meet up with other mums in parks etc.

Whatnameisgood · 21/12/2020 14:46

Also, don’t feel you need to put her in front of screens if you don’t want to!

MUM2019MARVEL · 21/12/2020 14:50

I get it, but it's not your fault. If your doing all you can to keep your baby safe then trust me your doing more than enough. Mine turned one a month back and the guilt I felt for not having a "real" first birthday party experience was unbearable. But children adjust very well and you do the best you can all the time. Don't put as much pressure on yourself just play the cards your dealt and try to smile. That baby will remember mummy smiling and playing more than a stressed out one and will benefit more from it. Best of luck with the little one :D

Crayfishforyou · 21/12/2020 14:52
Flowers It’s shit OP. My baby was a social baby. She had next to no interest in toys or doing things. What she wanted was to interact (poke, grin and scream with glee) at other people and babies. She’s still a lot like this at 8 and has found this year really damaging. If I were you I would have been in constant tears. I’m really sorry. All we can do is hope for better times.
michellejj · 21/12/2020 14:53

Surely the main social interaction that babies need at that age is from their own parents. It sounds to me that your baby is getting this plentiful. Please don't worry too much.

This.

And since your baby is under 1, you are entitled to form a support bubble with any other household, even under tier 4. Do you have any family/friends that you can take your baby to socialize with?

TheNoodlesIncident · 21/12/2020 14:58

Seven months is not near the age where children benefit from interaction with other children. Parallel play, where they play near other kids and keep an eye on what they're doing is expected around the 16-22 month mark. As it is, as a PP said, it would have been interesting to see another small person but they don't know what to do about them and certainly don't "socialise" as we know it.

I understand this situation feels all wrong and that babies are missing out, but in truth it's only our expectations that is telling us this, tiny children won't know this isn't the norm and that things are usually different. Try to relax a little, at the moment your tiny baby is only genuinely interested in you and the fun she can have investigating the world with you. She won't yet have reached the stage of realising that you are a discrete person from her and that you don't share the same mind and thoughts, that comes later. (That's what the pointing issue is all about, that it shows that the child has twigged that you have separate experiences and just because they've spotted something interesting, it doesn't mean that the mother/primary carer has... so they say Plane! and point to it. This is a good sign in infants but obviously seven months is too early for this.)

Honestly, try to not stress too much about this, baby groups are definitely for the parents' benefit, not the babies'. The babies won't care.

SkySports · 21/12/2020 15:01

babies need their main care providers not other babies. She will not remember this.

Canwecancel2020 · 21/12/2020 15:08

With mine at that age, you’d think it’s cute and they want to play, but it was actually more inquisitiveness - they love looking at other babies and I found they’d often reach for the other baby’s eyes because they were so shiny, or try to take whatever toy/food the other baby was holding.

Relax and try not to project your sadness on to her, if you’re fine with things, she will be.

SVRT19674 · 21/12/2020 15:23

Mine is an only kid, so I get it, really I do. She is 2.5 years old and spent 48 days at home in March, April and May when lockdown in Spain, seeing only her parents and the only other kids were those on ipad. She was marvelous is back at nursery since September, has some issues like being afraid of cars, which she didnt have before, but, at 7 months she really wasnt aware of other kids, or was in a mental phase to play with others, she looked at noisy colourful stuff but at that age YOU are much more important than some random baby. Babies dont play with each other, toddlers start to do that.

2BDIs · 21/12/2020 15:29

Oh OP that broke my heart. I crying for you now 😢 big hug for you and your baby

Mousehole10 · 21/12/2020 15:34

It’s so hard. You are allowed a support bubble though as you have a baby under 1. Can you bubble with a friend with a similar age baby? We chose our close friends who have a baby too so that we have somewhere to during the week on mat leave and also do our babies have each other to socialise and play with. It’s so important that they have that, their little faces when they see each other are so happy!

TimetohittheroadJack · 21/12/2020 16:00

The other crawling baby would quite possibly have crawled all over your baby or poked your Lo in the eye - I don’t let me crawling baby near other babies as he is a big bruised and not gentle!

TimetohittheroadJack · 21/12/2020 16:01

a big bruiser