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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Baby couldn't play :,(

46 replies

enchantedspleen · 21/12/2020 14:08

I took my 7 month daughter to a sunday school event at my church (tier 2 area, socially distant) and she had a whale of a time, we made paint handprints and listened to the Christmas story.
However afterwards my heart just broke because she wanted to play with another baby who could crawl (dd isn't crawling yet) who kept coming over, but his mum moved him right away every time.
I understand, of course I understand. I get it. But I just saw her little face and It just felt so wrong.
She doesn't have any other children in our circle, she's not in nursery yet. We haven't been to any mum and baby groups as they've been shut, and the open ones have waiting lists so long we haven't had a look in. She's an only child and has basically not had a chance to meet any other children.

Kids need to socialise, and I'm so worried. Will she become sad and unable to socialise? Will she be a lonely kid where all she knows is adults and screens??? All I could do afterwards was cry and apologise to her.
Sometimes I wonder what kind of fucked up world I've brought her into where she can't even see members of her own family, or play with children, or go into a shop.

I'm so sorry I brought her into this mess. She's the light of my life and I just feel so guilty.

OP posts:

Rudolph98 · 21/12/2020 16:04

I can’t imagine how hard it is having a baby or toddler during a pandemic. But I’d just like to say I never took mine to toddler groups just because I hated them (sorry not sorry 🤣). But they didn’t suffer from it. They are both very sociable and attended pre school. You have plenty of time!

lockeddownandcrazy · 21/12/2020 16:11

At 7 months babies do not play with other babies.

JustCallMeGriffin · 21/12/2020 16:30

My daughter wasn't damaged my my reclusive nature due to PND that meant she only really saw adults for the first year of her life.

She's gregarious and a people magnet (my polar opposite). Whilst the covid related restrictions are really tough on those who know they're being restricted, I honestly don't think small babies will have any lasting impact from the restrictions this year.

Haworthia · 21/12/2020 16:34

Babies really don’t get much out of being around other babies, especially not at 7 months. Mild amusement, maybe, but that’s about it. Mild amusement quickly followed by a poke in the eye, more like.

Try not to fret about it.

MoiraRosesWig · 21/12/2020 16:37

She's 7 months old. She really won't be that bothered by not socialising with other babies - at that age they don't play with others. I think you're projecting slightly. She'll be fine.

YakkityYakYakYak · 21/12/2020 16:42

Sorry OP, I get why it’s so upsetting. But she has you and that’s really all she needs at this age. My DD is 18 months and is only now becoming interested in interacting with other children. Don’t feel guilty or worried, she’ll be absolutely fine

Witchend · 21/12/2020 16:45

Judging by most 7 month olds, there's a good chance he would have come over, knocked her flat and put his finger in her eye for good measure.
When they're that age you tend to move them away from non-movers covid or no covid.

BoomyBooms · 21/12/2020 16:47

It's a horrible time to have had a baby, I feel for you OP. My daughter was born in February, only child, and like you hasn't been able to go to groups or play with other babies. However she's just decided to be a confident sociable little thing in spite of all of that- I dropped her off at nursery for a first settling in session today and she wasn't phased by the other kids at all and had a lovely time babbling and waving with them and the staff. That's my evidence that she has developed perfectly well despite the lack of interaction.

What we have done, and maybe you could try if not already, is:

Going to shops where possible. V frequently charity shops. Lots of nice staff who love to smile and make a fuss of her from a distance and behind a mask. She now loves the shops.
Baby sensory classes when we have been able to - ours sets us up 2m apart but let's individual parents decide whether they are happy to let the babies crawl to each other. In my experience all the mum's are happy to let them get close.
Walks with friends with babies, and we make an effort to chat to each others babies from a distance and we often turn the prams to face eaxh other and try to point out that there is another baby. There are apps like peanut and I think one called mush, that are for mums to meet other mums.

You'll both be fine ☺️

Dominicwestsscooter · 21/12/2020 17:11

Blimey don’t you think you’re over reacting slightly. I’m sure she’ll survive and won’t remember that 2020 was a shit year.

WorraLiberty · 21/12/2020 17:14

Kids need to socialise, and I'm so worried

Yes but babies don't.

Tbh, she'd get just as much out of a stroll in the park with you.

CherryPavlova · 21/12/2020 17:23

It really doesn't matter. At seven months they are too young to play socially or benefit from other children.

MessAllOver · 21/12/2020 18:11

I agree and disagree with pp.

On the one hand, at 7 months old she won't be harmed by not interacting with other babies and children so long as she has high quality interactions with her primary caregivers.

On the other hand, babies need a wealth of experiences in order to develop their brains. My DS hugely benefited from baby groups, seeing new people and copying the older children round about him. He used to laugh and giggle so much at them and loved having new toys to play with.

Also, we made most of our local friends by attending classes and playgroups and spending time with mums we met there. We'd do coffee and take the babies to crawl in the park. Most of the friends we've spent time outdoors with over the last few months are friends I made during maternity leave. And it's been great for my DS to have a little group of friends he's grown up with to meet up with, and he now looks forward to seeing them. So actually I have a lot of sympathy for mums on maternity leave who haven't had the chance to form those connections. Unless you have existing friends or family living close by (which I didn't), it must be very lonely.

LoveMyKidsAndCats · 21/12/2020 18:15

Op you need to take some time to relax. YABU.

HitthatroadJack · 21/12/2020 18:17

7 months old don't socialise
and definitively don't play with other babies.

Toddlers don't play either, they just learn not to bash each other on the head and grab toys from others hands.

I wouldn't worry too much about it. In the nicest way, you are projecting.

Mums groups have never been designed for children that young, they are for the benefit of the mums!

OverTheRainbow88 · 21/12/2020 18:24

Even in tier 3 there were loads of baby groups running, calling themselves ‘support’ groups. Might be worth looking into. Also in tier 2 soft plays can open...

Debradoyourecall · 21/12/2020 18:30

I think it’s harder for us as parents. In the current situation we can’t just relax and let our babies roam free. I’ve found it much more stressful in some ways having a baby this time round than four years ago.

My baby does enjoy interacting with her big brother. She very much wants to play with him and enjoys grinning at him, climbing on him etc. Seeing the joy she has at being round him has made me think babies can get something out of interacting with other small children even from as early as six months old. If she hears his voice in another room she will try to get to him. Sadly he is not as enthralled with her!

Debradoyourecall · 21/12/2020 18:32

Please don’t feel guilty at all - you couldn’t have known this was coming, and you will be the most important person in the world to her.

OverTheRainbow88 · 21/12/2020 18:36

Oh also as she’s under 1 you can form a support bubble and go to each other’s homes.

Schmexy · 21/12/2020 19:13

My little boy is now 16 months and didn’t see any other children from 6-13
months due to lockdown, local restrictions and lack of family nearby. He started nursery in September and has been fine, appears to have made friends and lives socialising. I still find it hard when we go out and he said watches other children but it’s not forever and will settle down. Try not to worry- I felt the same but really they’re so little and they learn so fast that when she is able to mix with more children she’ll be ok xx

GeorgiaGirl52 · 21/12/2020 19:45

In the old days, many people lived on farms. Their children did not have mommy-and-me play dates, or public parks, etc. They grew up fine without constant socialization.
From the ages of birth to 5 years old, I saw other children for one hour a week at church and then saw my cousins Sunday at noon when we all gathered at grandparents for dinner.
The first time I saw a large group of children my age was when I walked into school on my first day. I managed to make friends and join in activities. I did not suffer from shyness or low self esteem or any other problems.

Just take time to do things with her. Turn off the screens and move her from room to room with you as you cook, clean, etc. Talk to her. Let her play with the duster. Set her on the bathroom floor with a pan of water while you get a bath. This is your bonding time.

billy1966 · 21/12/2020 19:53

@snookercue

Actually babies are too young at 7 months to play with others. They play alongside. I wouldn't be remotely bothered by this situation.

This. None of mine crawled until they were 12 months. They didn't walk till 18+ months. They all spoke so late, like really really late that it stressed us.

Academically they are so strong.

7 months...mine were just smiling and sucking off me.

Go easy on yourself.
Chat, smile, sing at, and love your baby.

You are doing a great job.

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