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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Ethical covid dilemma - help

111 replies

realtarmar · 21/12/2020 11:11

Sister is coming to mine for xmas lunch (within the rules) as well as neighbour in his 50s. Sister had covid symptoms very beginning of last week and tested positive a few days ago. Has had directions from the NHS saying that in keeping with 10 day iso period, she should isolate until 24th Dec. Is already feeling far better but obviously observing iso strictly.

Neighbour is not vulnerable but sister is insistent I tell him so he can make up his own mind whether he still wants to come. By the time xmas day rolls around, she will have been in iso 10 days, has a temperature device to check her temp, is fastidious and has ordered covid tests for the rest of the symptomless family - obviously if anyone else is positive, we will call it off.

Do I tell neighbour sister had it 10 days ago?

OP posts:
Chloemol · 21/12/2020 11:25

Yes you tell the neighbour, why wouldn’t you

Barmyfarmy · 21/12/2020 11:28

Tell him. We have no way of knowing that 10 days is enough for every case to disappear for sure, he deserves to know and make his own decision. You may want to offer additional measures such as seating him further away from your sister or if he has to cancel, offer to bring him a christmas dinner to have anyway so he isn't without food if he can't find other company.

HeadNorth · 21/12/2020 11:28

I'm not seeing the dilemma? Of course you tell your neighbour.

halcyondays · 21/12/2020 11:36

Of course tell him.

Brakebackcyclebot · 21/12/2020 11:38

FFS. This isn't a dilemma! Of course you must tell your neighbour, and HE can decide what he wants to do, rather than you deciding for him and not even telling him!

Jinglingmod · 21/12/2020 11:41

Definitely tell the neighbour. You could offer him as an alterative to come round for a cup of tea and then leave before your sister's family arrive and then take him a plated up dinner round when it's ready.

Or, personally, I'd cancel the sister. The other members of her family could easily have it and be pre or asymptomatic and pass it on to all of you.

Seeline · 21/12/2020 11:41

Of course you tell your neighbour!

Surely the rest of your DSis family will still be need to SI anyway. A negative test for them does not let them forgo the full 10 days of isolation - they could still be incubating the virus.

Grooticle · 21/12/2020 11:43

I don’t understand why you wouldn’t tell him.

The isolation period is set at 10 days because the majority of people are no longer infectious after that, but some people still are.

Musicalmistress · 21/12/2020 11:43

I don't understand the dilemma? Of course you should tell the neighbour & your sister has quite rightly encouraged you to do so.

Ponoka7 · 21/12/2020 11:43

Not every scientist agreed with lowering the isolation period to 10 days. At twn days it's unlikely that you are transmitting enough of the virus to infect others. That's 'unlikely' not certain. Other countries are still sticking to 14 days.

Of course you should tell him.

Wellthiswillhelp · 21/12/2020 11:45

So she has a family that might be carrying it? Even if they get tested it doesn't mean they haven't got it. I would be fucking livid if I was your neighbor and you didn't tell me.

JillofTrades · 21/12/2020 11:45

FFS are you serious?

JillofTrades · 21/12/2020 11:45

And your sister needs to stay home!

AwaAnBileYerHeid · 21/12/2020 11:46

It isn't your decision to make. It's not your health to play with. Tell your neighbour.

EnPoinsettia · 21/12/2020 11:46

Tell him.

HotSince63 · 21/12/2020 11:48

Of course you should tell him.

Other countries are still sticking to 14 days.

I wouldn't want to be in her company after just 10 days.

Splann · 21/12/2020 11:51

I think I’d be cancelling your sister coming. I’d personally not want to spend Christmas Day with someone who has so recently had a positive COVID test. Of course you must tell your neighbour!

JillofTrades · 21/12/2020 11:53

It's a joke that you're actually cutting it to the 24th as if she will be over it for certain. Honestly some people really.

RaiderOfTheKitchenCupboard · 21/12/2020 11:55

Yes, you should tell the neighbour.

How long should the rest of the family be isolating? If I was your sister, I’d be staying at home for Christmas Day to be on the safe side.

housemdwaswrong · 21/12/2020 11:59

I'd be livid if someone put me in this situation by deciding for me that it was okay. I agree with the 'what dilemma?' sentiment.

ChristmasinJune · 21/12/2020 12:06

Absolutely you need to tell him, let him make up his own mind. I'm quite surprised you're considering not telling him to be honest.

The real dilemma is whether your sister should come at all, it'll still be very early days.

crosspelican · 21/12/2020 12:08

There is zero dilemma here. You have to tell your neighbour. I would be absolutely horrified if somebody didn't tell me in that situation.

Almostslimjim · 21/12/2020 12:15

Yes, you tell him.

Is it just your sister that is coming? As you mention tests for family? The family (if they live with her) have to isolate for 10 days from SISTERS symptoms starting, which would take them beyond Christmas day. Also your sister should not attend if she still has a fever (cough and taste issues are fine though).

Almostslimjim · 21/12/2020 12:16

And tell him today so he has time to buy special food for himself or make alternative arrangements if he chooses not to come.

LadyLaSnack · 21/12/2020 12:20

OP I am someone who has a very large capacity to overthink which can take my decision making process way off kilter, and even I can’t figure out why you wouldn’t tell him. What’s your thought process on that?

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