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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to not mix with Dr brothers this Christmas even though husband is a teacher?

36 replies

HarleyQuinn33 · 21/12/2020 07:25

Just need perspective
I have 3 month old and my brother's want to visit this Christmas. Both doctors. Older one has had covid and works on covid wards. Younger one hasn't had it yet. I am being told I am unreasonable to keep my son separate as my husband is a secondary school teacher and sees many kids per day. My brother's say they are careful and wear PPE. They have not observed any of the govt rules so far and feel that my son is not at risk so I shouldnt worry. They tell me that if I follow the govt rules he will be developmentally delayed as lockdown will continue on and he won't see anyone.

OP posts:
gettingolderbutcooler · 21/12/2020 07:31

Tier 4? Then no.

Original poster
HarleyQuinn33 · 21/12/2020 07:36

tier 2. They are in tier 3.

OP posts:
OxanaVorontsova · 21/12/2020 07:38

We’re both secondary teachers at large schools with DDs at sixth form college. We’re seeing no one simply because between us we’ve had recent close contact with upwards of 4000 teenagers and adults. We’re tier 3 so can’t have visitors anyway other than the Christmas Day relaxation but I’m not prepared to risk infecting family.

tappitytaptap · 21/12/2020 07:39

Not commenting on the other stuff but I feel they do have a point re development. My children are older (2 and 4) but I’m so glad they can attend nursery and school, and play in the park, with friends. I am much more worried about the effects on children’s mental health and development than I am about me or them catching a virus - and that’s with the oldest having had flu despite the vaccine a couple of years ago and having 3 febrile convulsions in 24 hours and being admitted to hospital.

Tyranttoddler · 21/12/2020 07:41

I don't think they have a point about development at all when it is ablut a 3 month old. Op ignore, I wouldn't see them either, and I'm a teacher too.

LittleOwl153 · 21/12/2020 07:41

Your son is not going to be anymore or less developmentally delayed by 1 visit from the god like pair! Ha ha!
You could meet them.for a walk or something so say hello - or are they expecting you to.put on a full Christmas lunch for them?

Aprilx · 21/12/2020 07:42

I agree with your brothers.

KindKylie · 21/12/2020 07:42

NHS staff are being regularly tested and have access to full ppe for work, so in many ways they are far less of a risk than anyone working in a school (no PPE, no tests).

That said, I don't think anyone should be mixing indoors at the moment, regardless of jobs and tiers, because the clear evidence is that we need to do everything we can to halt transmission.

Could you meet for a nice walk etc?

luckylavender · 21/12/2020 07:42

Do they live together? If not you can't anyway.

TheDaydreamBelievers · 21/12/2020 07:48

They are being silly (and bullying towards you). Its very simple to realise that more exposure equals more risk. Your family already means second had exposure to lots of children, seeing your brothers means second hand exposure to all their patients.

They are arguably less likely to pick it up from a patient as ICU staff wear the best PPE.

Cant they host each other? Or do they want you to do all the cooking etc Hmm (suspicious that they are protesting their work-free xmas disappearing!)

TheDaydreamBelievers · 21/12/2020 07:50

Also at 3mo what your baby needs for good development is lots of interaction with their primary and secondary caregiver (usually mum and dad) and some sensory play. They wont benefit at all from uncles, peers etc!!!

Velvian · 21/12/2020 08:04

Your brothers are being arseholes. You don't have to see anyone on Xmas day and it is advisable not to. The rest of the world have shut their borders to us!

How dare they patronise and emotionally blackmail you to boot.

WhereYouLeftIt · 21/12/2020 08:06

"They have not observed any of the govt rules so far"

So whilst they may be all PPE'ed up at work, they could have picked it up outside of work and taken it back into their hospitals ? Foolish behaviour which you are entitled to take into account.

This really is NOT their call. Your home, your baby, your decision.

And as for their 'development' comments - fuck off! Manipulative bullshit. Do they often try to pull this shit on you?

Washimal · 21/12/2020 08:09

I suspect your DB's don't want to cook their own christmas lunch.

QuantumJump · 21/12/2020 08:10

Do your brothers live together? Are you (or they) meeting anyone else?

Derbee · 21/12/2020 08:14

I would see them.

oblada · 21/12/2020 08:14

They could get tested surely?
But otherwise it's up to you - the point re development is completely bullshit given the age of the kid (and to some extent regardless).

LetsSplashMummy · 21/12/2020 08:24

Their point about DH being a teacher, so okay to see them, is stupid - it isn't like you are choosing to see them instead of DH, you would be increasing risk to DH+DBs - so arguably higher, even if they were slightly lower risk than DH.

Whether you see them is entirely up to you, but don't let them use a poor understanding of risk models to bully you!

OoohTheStatsDontLie · 21/12/2020 08:31

A 3 month old is not going to be developmentally delayed from not seeing other adults. They have two primary caregivers who they see every day and will get all the interaction they need from that. I think that's a rude and manipulative way of trying to guilt you into seeing them. I'd say that you didnt realise that was the case and you're a bit worried about it and could they forward you the evidence so you can consider it properly. I highly doubt there will be any. There will be some about lack of interaction with other people (eg neglected children) but not about any from babies who spend their time with two loving involved parents.
How do they think children of introverted parents who don't go to baby groups and live away from their family cope, do they all turn out to be developmentally delayed?!

I do think older babies/ toddlers need interaction with others and not doing this could have a detrimental affect but definitely over 1 year old

nosswith · 21/12/2020 08:34

I think you should not visit or be visited. Two doctors and a teacher- not a good idea.

I don't think the question of the baby enters into it.

Applesandpears23 · 21/12/2020 08:36

It is really important once you have kids to assert your right as parents to make decisions for your family. Don’t let yourself be bullied when they are babies or else it will never stop. Your family your decision.

LawnFever · 21/12/2020 08:39

Are they expecting Christmas dinner? If so tell them to bugger off, cheeky sods!

If you meet them just go for a walk, it’s perfectly reasonable not to want extra visitors and your son won’t in any way be developmentally delayed at three months!

Your husband being a teacher means you’ve already got a calculated risk, why add in more risk when you can avoid it

Laureline · 21/12/2020 08:44

So they expect to rock in, put their feet under the table, and get fed, while dismissing your concerns? They sound delightful.

SavoyCabbage · 21/12/2020 08:56

It is really important once you have kids to assert your right as parents to make decisions for your family.
I agree.

You don't want to. So that's the end of it really. Tiers, babies, jobs, developmental delay and COVID doesn't come into it if you just don't want to.

PeppermintSoda · 21/12/2020 08:59

Your son is not going to be anymore or less developmentally delayed by 1 visit from the god like pair! Ha ha! Grin