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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

So angry.

37 replies

Frostythesnowman29 · 21/12/2020 06:22

Probably be flamed and told to my mind my own business but..

A child in DS’s class and her mother and younger sibling have had covid. DS and his class didn’t have to isolate. I believe that the mum and younger brother got it first and the child got it whilst in isolation so hadn’t been in school for a while. This sounds like they did the right thing...(she put this all over fb so that’s how I know).

However, the women’s partner went to work the whole time. He works with my partnerI never give it a thought at first tbh but I brought up that they had been in ill and assumed the dad had been off work but no partner had in fact been working with him. Partner said he’s the type that would never miss work or lose money. I totally get that not working and losing money is absolutely shite at the minute but surely it’s everyone’s duty to do their bit?!

I can’t help think they could have spread it around. My anxiety is telling me that he could have passed it onto partner and he hasn’t shown symptoms yet (if it all). He does work with him very closely but still in the same workplace indoors.

Aibu? It’s done now I guess. Said child was back at school late last week. So I assume their isolation period is up?? But according to other half (who is the shift manager of said guy) that he has not had any time off.

OP posts:
rottiemum88 · 21/12/2020 06:29

I see a lot of these kinds of posts and I always think the same thing; why are you choosing to give this headspace and get angry/worked up over it? It's completely out of your control. Yes, we all know the partner shouldn't have gone to work if there was a positive case in his household. Some people just don't care because they don't take the virus seriously, or they think the rules don't apply to them. Or maybe their financial circumstances are dire and he made a judgement call to prioritise earning money for his family because he wasn't showing symptoms. Right or wrong, you can't do anything about it now so I'd forget about it and move on.

PeppermintSoda · 21/12/2020 06:32

Yanbu. Very selfish

Xmasdinnervwpolo · 21/12/2020 06:38

I know my work do not allow you to take the time off if someone else in your house is self isolating. It is only if you have had a positive test or displaying symptoms that they say you need to go home for two weeks.

They say that because social distancing is being followed in the workplace Hmm this is ok.

So it might be your DH employer's fault rather than his colleague. He might have been isolating from the rest of the house, which again would have allowed him to come into work.

Original poster
Frostythesnowman29 · 21/12/2020 06:43

@Xmasdinnervwpolo absolutely. Partners work don’t take covid very seriously and probably would encourage those with symptoms in. However, recently DS had to be tested and partner stayed off until his negative result came back and would isolate if positive obviously. Whilst waiting for result his work was emailing him asking him to come in as couldn’t manage without him. Partner put his foot down and refused to come back. They couldn’t force him in!

It’s a shit system. For non covid health issues. Partners work will pay sick pay. For covid related they will not. I understand SSP is poop.

But 3 of the 4 in the house were ill. I feel he should have stayed off! It’s too late now as it’s done still crap.

OP posts:
sofiaaaaaa · 21/12/2020 06:43

@rottiemum88 Did you even read the OP? As that just seems like a generic cookie cutter response you pre-prepared. OP is concerned because the partner in the positive household may pass it onto her partner at work and in turn infect her - there’s a clear line of transmission here. She isn’t just speculating on some random on the other side of the country who went home for Christmas or whatever.

MaMaD1990 · 21/12/2020 06:45

How annoying, but as PP has said, totally out of your control. If you're worried about DP getting it or spreading it, can you get you and your family tested to make sure? Now you know he could've possibly passed it to your DP, you also have a responsibility to get tested and see if you are all spreading it too.

TheSilentStars · 21/12/2020 06:51

It's diabolical that the man won't be paid by some shitshow employer if he takes time off.
That's where your anger should be directed, not at a poor fucker presumably trying to put dinner on the table.

DecemberSun · 21/12/2020 06:53

The "poor fucker" could pass on the virus to someone vulnerable.
.
No sympathy for that kind of selfishness.

Original poster
Frostythesnowman29 · 21/12/2020 06:59

@TheSilentStars I agree but I guess it’s everyone’s duty to isolate.

My partner has had to do the same. DS was poorly in April. Couldn’t get a test then obviously. 2 weeks off unpaid with SSP. Then twice since September DS has ended up with a covid test (both negative). He had to take 5 days off in September as it took days to get a test and results and a couple days more recently. We got by somehow!

I was actually tested on Friday as I had a bad throat and lack of taste. Partner had weekend off anyway and results back (negative) so he’s back today.

OP posts:
Fbtw · 21/12/2020 07:02

If I don’t work I don’t get paid. I can’t live on SSP.

Thankfully I haven’t had Covid or Been in contact with someone who has, but I can see why, especially at Christmas, someone would feel pressure to continue to go to work.

Fbtw · 21/12/2020 07:03

Also to add. I’m a single parent and was the only working adult in the house for a long time.

Original poster
Frostythesnowman29 · 21/12/2020 07:16

@Fbtw I totally understand that. But realistically if someone in the house has covid going to work is selfish as it could lead to multiple people getting the virus and having to isolate. Leaving many people in similar situations. It seems selfish.

I have not been working (two disabled children) My partners wage is our only income. We would really struggle on SSP (we had to do it for 2 weeks in April). We were on our knees but we got by.

Work was trying to force partner to go in which is wrong. He put his foot down and they soon got the message. They can’t force someone in.

OP posts:
Fbtw · 21/12/2020 07:28

We simply wouldn’t have food. I can’t pay my bills on ssp.

If you have disabled children, you should ask for a benefits review to check you’re claiming everything you are entitled to.

Fbtw · 21/12/2020 07:29

If I refused to go to work, they would simply sack me.

DailyPotion · 21/12/2020 07:34

Yes, direct your anger at the employer or a government who think that it's reasonable to expect a family man to "do the right thing" and survive on £90 (ish) pw.

LuaDipa · 21/12/2020 07:36

Did I read that your DP is Shift Manager? Could he not have sent him home?

The bigger issue is the employers stance on this and they should be reported. I would have thought that even the worst employers would understand that as a bare minimum they need to be seen to be doing the right thing. Many are paying full pay for Covid isolation simply because this is cheaper than the cost of a potential outbreak and closure.

wildraisins · 21/12/2020 07:39

@rottiemum88

I see a lot of these kinds of posts and I always think the same thing; why are you choosing to give this headspace and get angry/worked up over it? It's completely out of your control. Yes, we all know the partner shouldn't have gone to work if there was a positive case in his household. Some people just don't care because they don't take the virus seriously, or they think the rules don't apply to them. Or maybe their financial circumstances are dire and he made a judgement call to prioritise earning money for his family because he wasn't showing symptoms. Right or wrong, you can't do anything about it now so I'd forget about it and move on.
Well I suppose one reason to still worry about it is because if this guy is still going to work then he will be potentially infecting more people.
wildraisins · 21/12/2020 07:42

One of my relatives is like this OP and it's an absolute nightmare. He hasn't had the virus, but he has stubbornly gone into work throughout the pandemic and probably will do unless the government literally come and close him down. He's a manager of a large company. When my brother had Covid a few weeks ago he turned up at the office and his staff asked him to go home - he did but wasn't happy about it. It's just a nightmare with him though - he shouldn't have gone in in the first place!

So OP perhaps you should voice your concerns for the sake of future people he might infect, but it might fall on deaf ears. There are always going to be people like this unfortunately.

gannett · 21/12/2020 07:51

Don't blame anyone being forced to go into work. They need to earn money.

Heap blame and anger on the selfish employers doing the forcing, and the government for doing fuck all to protect people's jobs and livelihoods in these situations.

Quartz2208 · 21/12/2020 07:57

You are angry at the wrong people - you know that your partners work would have expected him in. He is also not as high up as your partner who is a manager and therefore probably felt unable to do anything other than come in otherwise he could lose his job.

Your partner work is to blame here OP

dontdisturbmenow · 21/12/2020 08:03

Are you a 100% sure he stayed with his family? I know a few people who went and lived with relatives when that happened so they could continue to work. None of them caught it.

daisychain01 · 21/12/2020 08:13

www.gov.uk/government/news/new-package-to-support-and-enforce-self-isolation

If you self-isolate and lose income, it's possible to claim up to £500.

You can report the company for not allowing their employee to do what is a legal requirement, to self-isolate if a member of their household has tested positive. There shouldn't be any excuse for them not to self-isolate.

clpsmum · 21/12/2020 08:21

Maybe he was staying elsewhere and not on the same house while his family self isolated

cherryblossomx3 · 21/12/2020 08:55

Its your partners work who are at fault here. He has a family to provide for and he isn't entitled to sick pay if it's related to COVID? that is disgusting.

Lovemusic33 · 21/12/2020 08:59

Of course he shouldn’t have gone in but there are people who can not live off sick pay so I can see why they may question wether they should go in or not. Being on sick pay could lose someone their home. More needs to be done to make sure people can survive financially whilst taking time off to isolate.

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