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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not put this card up?

64 replies

TaccyToo · 20/12/2020 19:58

Received a Christmas card today from DHs family member.

Addressed to him and... his ex.

He's not been with her for many years, never married, we've been married for a good few years now.

I think it was a genuine mistake but AIBU to not put the card up on our mantle piece with the rest of them? 😂

And would you mention it or just laugh with DH and leave it?

OP posts:
Original poster
TaccyToo · 20/12/2020 20:35

@VainAbigail

I'm not seething, or shaking with anger or infuriated or anything

OP! Are you not even incandescent with RAGE?!

How very dare you!

Well I was shaking and crying when I first opened the envelope, is that enough?

It did make me chuckle, me and DH have been together a good while now, they were at our wedding 😂

OP posts:
Nohomemadecandles · 20/12/2020 20:40

My gran posted a card to my ex husbands mum. She was the one who told me she'd died. About three years ago. She's not starting with dementia. I think she's just distracted and on auto pilot with her "list"!

I'd go with innocent error!

MitziK · 20/12/2020 20:47

It's not Christmas without DP's Nan calling me by his ex wife's name.

(She does have Alzheimer's, so she has a free pass on this - and at least that means she's still in the last twenty years).

Original poster
TaccyToo · 20/12/2020 20:49

No dementia as far as I know!

I just obviously haven't made a great impression 😂

OP posts:
Somethingsnappy · 20/12/2020 20:50

I'm always terrified I'm going to do this accidentally, on auto pilot!

Cross out the other name and write in yours and display! Grin

nancybotwinbloom · 20/12/2020 20:50

If scree shit it and say thanks with a laughing face

honkytonkheroe · 20/12/2020 20:50

I’d find it funny and keep it. My cousin lived with someone for about 5 years. He has now been married for about 20 years, yet his ex girlfriend’s name is always the name that comes to mind when writing cards! I have to be very careful.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 20/12/2020 20:53

I'd send it back, underline the ex's name and write NOT KNOWN AT THIS ADDRESS on it.

But I'm like that.

unlikelytobe · 20/12/2020 20:56

Cross out her name and write yours on in capital letters? In red ink if possible.Smile

SpeckledyHen · 20/12/2020 20:58

Straight into the recycling bin .

LittleBearPad · 20/12/2020 21:00

Disappointing that you aren’t fumming OP.

Chuck it and move on

BlueCheckedTeatowel · 20/12/2020 21:01

My DM and DF divorced 35 years ago after being married for less than 10 years and having DC. They havnt been in the same room since and she despises him. You cant mention his name in her presence (growing up with her has been really fun). She married my amazing DSF 34 years ago. Yet last year she signed DHs birthday card "love Sue & ExHs name". We thought it was hilarious and never brought it up. No idea where it came from.

I would just throw the card away.

Lovemusic33 · 20/12/2020 21:01

I would put it up but only because I don’t get many cards. We have had cards in the post before for the people that used to live here ten years ago and I have opened them and put them up 🤣. I’m sure it was just a mistake.

MsVestibule · 20/12/2020 21:02

God, I am TERRIBLE for this sort of thing. One of my sisters have divorced and I constantly refer to her and her new partner as 'Andrea and Ben', rather than 'Andrea and Nathan'. Fortunately not in their company 🙈. When for so many years I've said the former, it's just too difficult to change to the latter. I don't think I've ever written it in a card, but who knows?

NotPrude · 20/12/2020 21:07

I do this with a friend of mine. She was engaged to someone else before she got married, and he was a a dick who cheated on her and called off the wedding. So I really don’t like him and he’s not been in her life for years.

I still sometimes refer to her husband by her exes name. I’m always embarrassed when I do that, but it just comes out! So it’s definitely not personal, just not thinking!

Hippee · 20/12/2020 21:08

Our neighbour divorced and is now with a partner with the same name. I am grateful, and I am sure it stops any embarrassing incidents where she calls him by her ex's name. Definitely the way to go.

BitOfANameChange · 20/12/2020 21:11

Unless it's got a backstory, I'm inclined to think brainfart.

I spent 30 years with my ex. I left him 3 years ago. He even died 2 weeks ago, and on writing out my cards this weekend, I still had to stop myself writing his name in the card. I did the cards for 30 years, so I reckon it was autopilot.

saraclara · 20/12/2020 21:16

My daughter split from her ex four years ago. And I still have to be really careful when I mention her 'new' (of three years) partner. Her name and her ex's together, slip off the tongue so much more easily than hers and her present partners.

Pipandmum · 20/12/2020 21:21

I was called by my hisbands ex wife's name to my face at a family gathering (about ten years after they had divorced). I just looked at the guy and he almost died with embarrassment.
I'd get your husband to lighthearted mention it to the sender, reminding them that he actually has a new wife, you might remember, you came to the wedding ha ha ha.

VinylDetective · 20/12/2020 21:29

My ex and I separated 42 years ago and we’ve been married for 20 years. We got a card to ex and me from my cousin. We laughed and added it to the display.

Cherrysoup · 20/12/2020 21:32

Id burn it, quite honestly. Bloody thoughtless.

andawaywego · 20/12/2020 21:32

I'd probably put it up as a laugh to be honest. And probably joke about it with DH. Xmas cards are often thoughtless and I'm sure I've sent many to the wrong address or whatever.

HoofHeartedSanta · 20/12/2020 21:34

“Gosh that Royal Mail backlog was longer than we thought” or ask for a lift in their time machine. Laugh and display !

Chewbecca · 20/12/2020 21:35

I’d definitely mention it but in a funny way, not a raging way.

DH does it a lot with DIL Blush, he doesn’t mean badly, I don’t know why he can’t remember.

PutTheBathOnPlease · 20/12/2020 21:37

Is it a nice picture? If not, I would let it accidentally fall into the fire/bin/compost/dog’s puddle 😂