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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think DM can still come for Xmas?

48 replies

Elfinghecking · 20/12/2020 07:30

We’re in tier 2, DM in equivalent tier.
DM lives alone, has been shielding for the last 2 weeks to ensure not getting anything that would prevent Xmas visit. Lives in an area that has low COVID and no restrictions on her leaving to come here - it’s a flight though becuase of distance.
We heard the news and were heartbroken as it meant she and DB/SIL couldn’t come as planned - not seen them in months.

We thought about getting only DM over Xmas Eve ( late) and having her leave first thing Boxing Day as no flights on Xmas Day. The regs said overnight only if unavoidable. DP isn’t sure we should though - thought that might be rule breaking.

But then a friend said can’t you just form a support bubble with DM and she can come as already planned for 5 days and looking at guidance, I think we can. We’re already her ‘support’ as it were from a distance, ringing every day, sorting deliveries etc. She’s fit, healthy and only in 60s.
Her mental health has been poor the most months, really struggling being alone and normally we’d see her every other month with the grand kids.
So YANBU - have her over, YABU - that would be illegal.

OP posts:
RedHelenB · 20/12/2020 07:32

I think that would still be within guidelines so yanbu.

EdgeOfACoin · 20/12/2020 07:36

I think that counts as a support bubble if she is on her own.

ShinyGreenElephant · 20/12/2020 07:50

I'd call that unavoidable travel and let her come

Dishwashersaurous · 20/12/2020 07:57

If she is a single adult then support bubble is allowed and treated as one household

EdwardBear1920 · 20/12/2020 08:07

The thing that I'm a bit confused about is whether MIL is already in a support bubble with DB and SIL. If they are providing the support she needs, then she doesn't also need to be in a bubble with you. It seems as though you're splitting the bubble across two different households. So she needs to be in the bubble with one family, but not both.

With the flight, my main concern would be whether she could get back. You're in the awkward position where you're saying that she needs support so needs to come for five days, but not so much support that she can't go home and manage by herself. That's a really tricky quandary.

The other issue is that though you're in Tier 2, that may change rapidly. Large swathes of the country have moved into Tier 3, and now Tier 4 in less than a week.

Part of the problem is that people hadn't heard about the new, more transmittable strain until yesterday, so people have been merrily going to all sorts of places, taking their new strain with them. Well, I say 'people'. Obviously the government has known for a few weeks now.

EdwardBear1920 · 20/12/2020 08:08

Sorry - I meant come for 3 days. I misread the days.

Either way, huge sympathy from me about the situation as a whole.

Squirrelblanket · 20/12/2020 08:09

We're in a similar situation with my mum and she's coming for the five days as originally planned.

MabelMoo23 · 20/12/2020 08:41

You can only form a support bubble with a single household if they aren’t in a support bubble with someone else. You can’t have two bubbles. So if she’s bubbling with your DB and SIL they she can’t bubble with you.

If she’s not, then yes she can come over and be with you as one household

DianaT1969 · 20/12/2020 08:59

Is she elderly, or vulnerable due to underlying health issues? I'm surprised she's willing to get two flights. You've been isolating to keep everyone safe over Christmas, but she could pick it up on route.

Original poster
Elfinghecking · 20/12/2020 08:59

‘The thing that I'm a bit confused about is whether MIL is already in a support bubble with DB and SIL.‘
No, she’s not. Not in a bubble with anyone and still working etc

‘but not so much support that she can't go home and manage by herself.’
This would be a emotional support bubble for her mental health, not because she can’t get to the shops etc. She’s absolutely struggling with loneliness as many people are - WFH, not seeing anyone, living alone.

OP posts:
Original poster
Elfinghecking · 20/12/2020 09:02

And obvs doesn’t want to spend Xmas on her own. The flight is within the U.K. and very short
, but yes there’s a risk involved . As there is with going out in any public place

OP posts:
CeeceeBloomingdale · 20/12/2020 09:03

It's allowed. I'm not sure if it's a good idea. Flights may be very limited and could get cancelled after yesterday's announcement depending on whether either of you are close to the south east (or even if you're not, as plane could be on a routing to or from London before or after her sector).

Original poster
Elfinghecking · 20/12/2020 09:13

Flights are already booked. To London. Not sure why they would be cancelled when people can still make necessary journeys or travel for work. This is all within the U.K.
have t seen anything re: shutting London airports.
Still, I think my question has been answered, thanks. I just wanted to be sure we weren’t breaking the law.

OP posts:
Original poster
Elfinghecking · 20/12/2020 09:14

Am honesty weighing up the cons against her ever deteriorating mental health. She sobbed and sobbed when I told her about the new regs yesterday when we thought that there was no way she could come see us.

OP posts:
Aquicknamechange2019 · 20/12/2020 09:17

The only potential issue is that London is now tier 4 and nobody is allowed to travel into tier 4 from another tier. Best ring the airline and check the flight is still running.

EleanorShell · 20/12/2020 09:19

If she is in another nation you need to check the rules there. All travel from Scotland to other nations is banned

hazelnutlatte · 20/12/2020 09:21

We are in a similar situation, my SIL lives alone, but quite a distance from us. As far as we can tell she is still legally allowed to come to us for Christmas, as we can be her support bubble. Any single adult household is allowed to form a support bubble with another household as far as I can tell - there do not need to be any care needs or mental health issues. We are now faced with a 3 hour drive each way as we have all agreed that its not a good idea for her to get the train. OP I would think that the main problem with your arrangement is the flight - if your MIL is at all vulnerable I would be concerned for her safety - the new variant of covid seems to spread more easily so masks on the flight may not be enough to prevent the spread.

Original poster
Elfinghecking · 20/12/2020 09:23

Will check that but there was no mention of airports. That would be big news, wouldn’t it??And nothing from the airline either yet. If they cancel the flight then obvs that will be that. And DM won’t be staying in London, Gatwick isn’t in London, it’s outside I suppose.

OP posts:
TooExtraImmatureCheddar · 20/12/2020 09:23

I really do sympathise, but I think the sticking point is going to be flying into a London airport. Is there no other way she could travel that avoids going into a tier 4 (train maybe)?

MoreLikeThis · 20/12/2020 09:23

.

Original poster
Elfinghecking · 20/12/2020 09:24

‘If she is in another nation you need to check the rules there. All travel from Scotland to other nations is banned‘

She is, we have and there are no restrictions. They can still have Xmas bubbles.

OP posts:
TooExtraImmatureCheddar · 20/12/2020 09:25

Is it Scotland?

Original poster
Elfinghecking · 20/12/2020 09:26

‘Is there no other way she could travel that avoids going into a tier 4 (train maybe)?’

No unfortunately. There’s a sea in the way. I will check on the airport but it’s outside of London and I’m sure there would have been something mentioned if Gatwick, Heathrow etc were going to be closed to travellers as they’re London airports.

OP posts:
sonjadog · 20/12/2020 09:26

I would have her come for the planned five days. Mental health is important and Covid isn't about to go away so she needs this break to keep her going. I am visiting my mother for similar reasons at the moment.

Meredithgrey1 · 20/12/2020 09:28

You're in the awkward position where you're saying that she needs support so needs to come for five days, but not so much support that she can't go home and manage by herself.

But I don’t think support bubbles require the person to need practical support. It’s to prevent loneliness as much as anything. Any single person household can form one under the law.