To think we aren't an exception.

[AlliWantForChristmasIsGin]

My mum is on her own. My dad died earlier in the year. Mum tried living with us but missed home too much and found it hard to settle when covid had stopped all activities for elderly.

She has a very tricky MH history-bipolar (but doesn't accept diagnosis) and has been low since dad died. She has attempted suicide several times in the past (not in the last ten years).

We had planned to have her with us over Christmas in our self contained annexe, from 23-27/12.

She is support bubble with us, but in tier 4 from tomorrow.

I feel as if we could argue care needs, but could be counter argued "well visit then". And she won't want to be with us permanently, or until tier 4 restrictions lifted, so it's not even as though we can argue that.

Am I wrong? Could we justify it? I'm full of the 🤬at the moment, having discovered that friends' kids are hanging out indoors with friends/boyfriends and don't want to become a hypocrite. On the one hand, mum is elderly, vulnerable and alone. On the other hand, she has carers come in and could be on her own if necessary.

It's further complicated by the fact that, even if mum didn't come, we would still form a Christmas bubble for the 25th with DJ's parents. So mum would be on her own, knowing that DH's parents would be with us.

And a part of me knows I could travel to her, as we are part of the same bubble, but I don't want to be away from my kids.

It's a muddle in my head. I feel very selfish in my thinking. Not sure if this is even an aibu. But if it is its aibu for not having told mum to pack a bag and gone to get her tonight. Or aibu for wanting to be with my kids more than my mum.

1. In tier four there is no Christmas Day exception- so you won’t be seeing the in-laws.

1. If someone has a support bubble with another family then they are treated as a single household for all purposes- staying overnight etc. Therefore if you and your mother are in a support bubble you can do whatever with her that you do with your nuclear family.

We and the in-laws are in tier 2, it's my mother that's in tier 4.

Ah in which case crack on and enjoy!

Not sure that makes it any easier-but it does mean that seeing the in-laws on Christmas Day is allowed.

@Dishwashersaurous but OP doesn’t say she’s in tier 4 - she says her mother is.

OP as said above if you are in a support bubble then that is okay with all other restrictions.

I’m pretty sure (bearing in mind no legislation has been published) that contact between members of a tier bubble will be an exception to tier 4 travel rules; it was in the second lockdown, so your mum should still be able to stay.

I'm finding it so hard to read all the stuff-like a very tricky one of those logic problems. It clearly says no one must leave tier 4, but also that we are counted as a single household. I know support bubbles aren't usually 100 miles away, but ours became complicated when mum moved back.

I just want to know in my heart of hearts that I haven't done something that others will rage at, and feel that they are sacrificing everything whilst we sacrifice nothing.

You are an exception. A support bubble is specifically an exception. She can stay.

www.gov.uk/guidance/tier-4-stay-at-home

If you are in a support bubble with your mum then 100% you can travel to be with her. That is clearly allowed in the rules/law/guidance

Or your mum come to you- whichever you want. I just meant you can go and get her if you want to

See your mum!

We are just discussing the appalling wording of the scenario with support bubbles on another thread. You’re right it’s like a horrible logic problem and we are all trying to solve it with brains fried from stress and nobody providing the solution. But I personally would understand your mother to be within the exception to the rules as part of a support bubble with you. Therefore I think she can come to you or you go to her. And with her history I personally think it would be entirely reasonable and justifiable morally as well as legally.

Your Mum can come to you. Support bubble exception. It's great you have an annexe. She'll be safer there than with carers coming in & out at her house.

She can stay as long as you can tolerate it.

But you can say 'no' if you can't cope.

If you do let her come, try to socially distance for 10 days. She's in T4 with numerous carers & you have kids. Both have risks.

I am feeling a bit more confident about this now-I really appreciate these responses. It was the rush of people saying their parent was on their own for Christmas that made me doubt it.

We have asked mum to pretty much self isolate for the next few days. She has carers in and we have asked her not to do her usual trips to shops. This is as much because mum, being in tier 4, presents a risk to us and in-laws as anything else.

It's such a tricky thing to navigate, but I can't shake from my head that mum might do something really silly if we leave her where she is and I, selfishly, really, really don't want to leave my family to visit her on Christmas Day, doing a 4hr round trip drive. But obviously, that is one solution.

See your mum, let her stay, form a bubble. It’s within the rules, even in tier 4.

@WitchesBritchesPumpkinPants

Your Mum can come to you. Support bubble exception. It's great you have an annexe. She'll be safer there than with carers coming in & out at her house.

She can stay as long as you can tolerate it.

But you can say 'no' if you can't cope.

If you do let her come, try to socially distance for 10 days. She's in T4 with numerous carers & you have kids. Both have risks.

All very sensible advice. I don't intend to hug mum and luckily our children are a little older. I'm pretty sure she will spend quite a lot of time resting in the annexe anyway. I'm most worried about dh's parents catching something, but again, they won't be doing any hugging. We won't have self isolated for ten days by the time mum gets here, but at the moment, it's just supermarket trip so we'll have had 5 days at least. It's not perfect-my dad would have refused to come-but I think mum would rather risk it than be alone.

This sounds a bit batshit, but I have genuinely prepared my conversation with the policeman I am imagining pulling me over as I leave tier 4 with mum in the car. And it does involve a open sharing of mum's mental health situation. I know it wouldn't happen, but still. Hopefully my brain will settle a bit more in the next 24 hours...🤔

Your mum can come to you under the support bubble rules. But I think she carries her tier 4 restrictions with her. So if she comes then you can’t form a Christmas bubble and see your in-laws. It’s either the support bubble with your mum or a Christmas bubble with your in-laws. You can’t have both.

@HarryLimeFoxtrot is correct - it’s one or the other.

Oh my. That is just the most horrendous choice between the right thing for my mum's mental health abs the right thing for mine. More food for thought. Not that you need to supply me with sources, but is that you working that out, or seeing it explicitly written?

It’s in this link here under section 2.1

Just saw it-sorry

Oh come on. Nobody is capable of thinking up rules for every single circumstance. I would bend the rules a bit if I were you.

People like your mother are exactly who the support bubble rules are meant to protect. It's not at all the same as people hanging out!

Agree @Coyoacan however there are many people who see everything in monochrome and can not see beyond that.