Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Do I say something or do I keep my beak out?

49 replies

dilemma12345 · 19/12/2020 18:54

Okay so backstory is I have a friend, I wouldn't call her a close friend but we used to meet up for coffee sometimes and now facetime once a week or so. I also know her mother quite well (this is relevant) as our parents used to be friends and I went round to friends house a lot when we were teenagers.

Friends mum is very very paranoid about covid- she doesn't have any health conditions but is at more risk due to her age. Basically doesn't leave her house anymore apart from to go for walks.

Friend hasn't seen her mum face to face since August- and that was outside at a distance. They had planned to spend Christmas Day together (not in tier 4 so allowed) providing friend basically self isolates for the 2 weeks prior. She works from home so easy enough to do.

Here's the dilemma- friend has basically told me when we facetimed that she's not self isolating, has met up with different people, been going to restarants, out shopping in London, etc. She said she was planning to pretend she had to her mum, and basically what she didn't know wouldn't hurt her.

I was talking to my DP and she thinks I should message her mum on facebook, so at least she knows and can choose not to see her if she's not okay with that. I feel like I should keep my beak out because it's not my buisness and I don't want to interfere.

OP posts:
Ifigotherewillbedouble · 19/12/2020 18:58

I think you should let the friend know that you feel uncomfortable about knowing that she hasn’t been shielding, given you also have a relationship with her mum. I wouldn’t tell the mum without giving the friend the opportunity to say something first.

BillysMyBunny · 19/12/2020 21:00

Unless you are willing to throw away your friendship I would stay out of it.

Teach234 · 19/12/2020 21:02

No don't say anything to her mum

FrancesFlute · 19/12/2020 21:04

That's awful of your friend. I'd tell your friend you thought that was unfair on her mum and she was wrong to lie.

LadyTiredWinterBottom2 · 19/12/2020 21:05

It's a no from me

Aquamarine1029 · 19/12/2020 21:08

If you tell her mum, I hope you are smart enough to realise that this friendship will be over. Your choice.

Seventytwo · 19/12/2020 21:12

I'd tell your friend in no uncertain terms how reprehensible her behaviour is. Actually, if she's as much of a twat as she sounds, I'd probably think sod the friendship and tell the mum!

M4J4 · 19/12/2020 21:15

Your dp sounds like a troublemaker. Stay out of it.

Burnthurst187 · 19/12/2020 21:16

Keep out of it. If you say anything to the mother your friendship is over

Mum2jenny · 19/12/2020 21:18

I’d stay out of it too. Your friends decision to lie to her mum is her choice.

legalseagull · 20/12/2020 08:03

Stay out of it. It's not your mother.

plannit · 20/12/2020 08:40

So OP doesn't interfere and the mum
Catches COVID off the daughter and dies. All because 'it's none of your business'?!

I would argue it is her business as her friend has made it so by telling her what she's up to!

IdblowJonSnow · 20/12/2020 08:47

I'd tell your friend she's very out of order. That's rotten behaviour. I wonder how many people are doing this, or minimizing what theyve been upto so people will feel ok socialising with them.

muckypaws · 20/12/2020 08:51

Beak out, definitely.

Nowaynothappening · 20/12/2020 08:51

None of your business.

MysweetAudrina · 20/12/2020 08:54

Stay out of it. If friend is willing to risk her own mother's health then friend will have to live with those consequences.

nosswith · 20/12/2020 08:54

You care about someone's health. Whether it is the mum or the daughter, you should say something. Despicable to lie to your own mother.

Aprilx · 20/12/2020 08:55

Stay out of it.

SofiaMichelle · 20/12/2020 08:57

She said she was planning to pretend she had to her mum, and basically what she didn't know wouldn't hurt her.

Wow! Is she really that dim?

It's the complete opposite of that.

GreyMary23 · 20/12/2020 08:58

Disgraceful of your friend to put her own mother at risk like that. If she wanted to go shopping and visiting that's fine but at least be honest with her mother so she can make an informed choice. How would she feel if she gave her covid?

I'm not sure that I would directly contact the mother but I would definitely tell the friend what a selfish idiot she's being.

MumOfPsuedoAdult · 20/12/2020 08:58

@plannit

So OP doesn't interfere and the mum Catches COVID off the daughter and dies. All because 'it's none of your business'?!

I would argue it is her business as her friend has made it so by telling her what she's up to!

This is a moral dilemma. You can't un-know that information so it's less about the opinion of strangers and more about what you can live with.
TheresNothingIWantMore · 20/12/2020 09:02

Could you suggest she gets a Covid test to be sure she doesn't have it? Still not 100% but it's the only way I can think of to minimise the risk to her mother without killing your friendship.

Might depend where you live too, where I am anyone can go to a walk in test centre.

TheresNothingIWantMore · 20/12/2020 09:03

Sorry, should have said she'll need to get it today to be sure if having the results back in time

ithinkyouareveryrude · 20/12/2020 09:05

Christ no you don’t say anything!

It’s none of your business! Stop policing everyone’s behaviour. Does her mum never go to the shops? Never see someone on a walk?

It’s not your circus, not your monkey. Keep out and distance from her as a friend if you think she’s being unreasonable but you don’t - ever - contact her mum to tell her what she’s told you. How batshit.

lockeddownandcrazy · 20/12/2020 09:08

Non of your business! Stop trying to manage other peoples lives and relationships.