To try learning to swim as an adult despite fear of water

[CaramelCandle]

I have a fear of water from a bad experience as a child. Did swimming lessons as a child but never had the confidence to really try and eventually stopped lessons. Now around 20 years later I feel like I'm really missing out by not being able to swim. My kids are learning and I'd like to be able to go with them for a swim or for holidays. But my fear is still there and I don't know if it's just too late now. Fear comes from people (family) standing around when I couldn't get out the water and was struggling. Thought I was going to die. Happened twice, first time went down a slide where the water was too deep at the bottom, auntie pulled me out very casually after finishing a conversation at the poolside. Second time I slipped off the side and into the water, my grandad was only a few meters away but didn't try to help, eventually a stranger pulled me out. This damaged my trust that I'd be saved if I lose control so since then I've never been willing to try in case I get in difficulty again and no one helps me. How can I get over this and is it even possible to learn as an adult? Also suppose I feel a bit embarrassed about it at this age so don't want to try with lots of people around, sounds stupid I know.

Joining this thread as I'm also an adult who cannot swim and who is terrified of water due to swimming teacher in the 90s throwing me in the water, and also just general water terror. I would like to learn in case I need to jump in to save my own children

I went to swimming lessons in my 40s and did get to swim a length. I am still scared of water, though, and don't enjoy it.

It sounds like a really positive step OP. Do you think it might be worth trying counselling as a first step to talk about your phobia and help prepare coping strategies?

Also please don’t be embarrassed. A lot of phobias have shame attached to them but they aren’t our fault, and the majority of people are sympathetic and understand that. Also a lot of adults can’t swim - phobia of not.

Maybe you could also contact your local leisure centre/swimming clubs and see if they do private lessons? Within whatever tier restrictions you are in of course.

Best of luck.

It may be a while before you can have the lessons or try. There is a video probably still on the BBC website of Naga Munchetty having swimming lessons, who is probably of similar age to you.

Good luck- hope you succeed.

I learned to swim at the grand old age of 15. Rather dangerously by forcing myself to be with my friends in the sea. I somehow survived but the experience made me determined to have my kids swimming well by the age of 5.
Go for it OP. I've seen adults being taught to swim in pools. More recently I've taught myself to do a pretty decent front crawl and can now swim as far and long as I like.
The thing I can't do tho is dive or jump in. At the age of 54 I feel it's my last great frontier!

A friend of mine had one-to-one swimming lessons in her late 30s. Like you, she had a fear going back to childhood. I know most swimming lessons are advertised as group sessions for kids, but there will be instructors out there happy to help you.

Also I meant to add - maybe you could start by just standing in the very shallow end of pools where it’s only up to your waist (if your restrictions allow) - not swimming or going deeper but just getting used to being in water, and maybe gradually taking small steps from there.

I learned to swim at 31. I remember the terror I felt going to the first lesson but I ended up really enjoying it. I picked it up quite quickly but there were other beginners who were very slow to learn and the teacher was so lovely. I can now do 40 lengths breaststroke and a bit of front crawl. Still can't jump in but I do enjoy going (in non covid times)

I learnt to swim at the age of 35 with adult group swimming lessons at my local leisure centre. It was a brilliant experience, as part of a group I couldn't chicken out of the things I didn't like in the same way as I would have during a private lesson. By the end of it we were good friends, and all able to jump in the deep end and swim lengths front crawl, breast stroke and back stroke. Before I was terrified out of my depth and only able to doggy paddle a width. I'd also avoided the sea for an entire month while in Croatia and the greek islands....

I taught my dad to swim when he was in his 40s, so absolutely you can learn! I mean he's not going to be entering the olympics any time soon 😂 but he can support himself in the water now and actually started to enjoy pools on holiday whereas before he'd avoided it where possible.

I think you ought to be very proud of yourself that you're even contemplating it, and if you did it, that would be an awesome achievement.

My phobia is of heat and fire, and it makes it very hard for me to cook, lol. Like you, it goes back to a very traumatic even in childhood.

I've taught adults to swim. You need to find adult classes and preferably one to one. We've got some local private pools that can be hired out.
I've always been in the water with adult non swimmers as they need the additional reassurance. The water also needs to be reasonably deep - shoulder level preferably otherwise you will struggle to get your legs off the floor.

It can be done and it's a real sense of achievement for both the learner and teacher when they swim. Good luck

To work where I do, in many roles you are expected to be able to swim. We have to do water safety/defensive swimming training, renewed every 5 years. I have known a least 10 people learn to swim as adults. A couple of these had counselling first, to overcome a fear of water, as suggested by pp. they’ve all gone on to complete the training. I think the key might be to have a reason to want to learn to swim. Obviously all my colleagues had a work related reason. My DH can’t swim, and has no interest in learning, but he has no real incentive.

I am in my late 50s and still can't really swim.

I had swimming lessons on and off at school from 8 to 18 but it never really clicked. I would get as far as managing a few splashy widths but nothing better. I think I am just not relaxed in the water so when my feet leave the bottom I tense up, which means I become less bouyant and so am even more nervous.

I did make sure DD had swimming lessons as a child though.

Basically I do not really enjoy being in the water much. The only time I find it enjoyable is on holiday somewhere warm but I would be self conscious in a pool with other people. Occasionally we have rented a house with a small private pool and when it is just family I have enjoyed floating around in an inflatable and even, by the end of the holiday, have gained enough confidence to be able to swim a few strokes again.

It never lasts because I can't think of anything less enjoyable than visiting a leisure centre pool when I get home. Especially as I assume everyone else will be furiously swimming lengths and I would be getting in everybody's way trying to swim a few metres to the side.

Yes! Do it! I love watching the adult learners at my gym. There are lots of them, you are not alone. It's a great stress buster once you've got your confidence up. Remember you don't need to be speedy, just go at your own pace x

I went to adult lessons at 16... the scary bit was that the adults were all at least 40 years older than me

Many pools run adult lessons and many adults attending will have had fear and difficult experiences. In my case, instructors standing at the side yelling and thrashing limbs around didn't teach me anything through years school lessons; I needed someone in the water to slow me down, teach me breathing and technique.
One year later I could swim a mile.

I'm so glad I learned. I can swim for fitness and for fun and it's a gateway into other sports.

Definitely go for it. Your fear seems largely based around being out of your depth so I’d recommend learning in a pool that’s all the same depth which is really common in sports clubs.

I’m a keen swimmer and really admire adult learners when I see them, which is often. YouTube also has lots of good stuff to watch to give you some help before you (literally) take the plunge.

Good luck!

I learnt to swim as an adult, in a large class. I wasn't afraid of the water though. The first thing we learned was how to stand ourselves up in the water, which meant we always felt safe. We also had floating aids such as boards, again to help us feel confident and safe.

I was actually swimming by the end of the first lesson, which felt absolutely wonderful and amazing, and I don't think I've ever quite lost that feeling. I swam a width that first night, and by the end of the course, had swum a mile. So it really is possible to learn as an adult.

As you have a fear to overcome, I would say have private lessons at first, and talk to the teacher about your fear, they will have techniques to help you.
Also once you are swimming a little, try to go swimming often, not just once a week to the class. I found the class very friendly, as everyone is a beginner.

I hope you give it a try, it's a fantastic feeling swimming in deep water. Also, it will be a wonderful achievement for you to overcome your fear. Lots of luck!

@5foot5 you SOUND a bit like me. I rarely even go in the pool on holiday (only if it's 40 degrees). In Skiathos September last year the pool was empty most of the time but I think I only went in once. In Egypt about 10 years ago everyone was snorkeling to see the wonderful fish, I could see toddlers doing it but I was still too scared to put my face in the water. I trace this back to my dad putting me under his arm and swimming off with me on my first ever visit to a swimming pool aged 5. He was trying to demonstrate how safe it was but succeeded in putting me off for life. I feel I have missed out on so much fun.

I didn't intend to put Sound in capitals. Sorry for shouting.

I haven’t got time to rtft but I learned to swim as an adult- mid twenties- terrified of water. You have to learn to trust the water to keep you afloat, and relax. I did it and actually it’s a big achievement to me. Not massively confident but could help my kids if they fell in (though they’re way better at swimming than me anyway, apart from the 2 year old!)

So glad I posted. These responses are so inspiring especially seeing how others have learned as adults. I think a lot of it is psychological and I just don't believe I will float but I'm going to have to talk myself out of that belief.

I had to re-learn to swim after a brain injury - I was 15 but had to go to adult lessons.

ALL the people in my lessons were like you - terrified of water. Lessons started by standing in the shallow end.

Step 1 was just to get into the pool up to your waist and some people took weeks to do that - and that was fine!

Step 2 was to get head under with goggles (still standing up just face under and holding side)

Then we moved on to being able to get shoulders under with a big woggle float thing.

Things moved very slowly and the swimming instructors fully understood everyones fear. Pretty much everyone going to adult swimming lessons is very much like you.

I was VERY much an anomaly not being scared at all, thinking I could just swim and sinking everywhere but please don't worry. A few months later I saw one of the ladies at aqua fit and she was fully fine in the water.

OP, 100 per cent seek help from CBT whilst learning to swim. this was one aspect of my job I used to love - I was a physio working in mental health, and had access to a hydro pool

Fear of water was one of the most successful applications of CBT - literally had people going from being afraid of showers or running water, to floating happily in 2 sessions, mutliple times.

That wasn't the average (average would be not such a severe phobia, and about 3 pool sessions to a float), but you don't know which you will be, and even if you are someone who takes a while, it still takes the fear out of it - you don't have to wing it alone xx

Swimming is so freeing and such a good skill, and so mindful, and so good for you. You won't regret learning and it might change your life. Please learn. Swimming brings me such joy.