Neighbours doing controlled crying with a 2 and half year old for hours every night for weeks....my little one not sleeping

[universal83]

I am seriously at end of my tether.

Our neighbours have a 2 and a half year old and for the last few weeks/months (approx 2 months I think) they have let their child scream from about 7pm to 9 or 10pm every single night. You do hear them go in to say lay down etc but the screaming is so loud its keeping my little boy who is 7 awake. We have swapped my little boys room but it's so loud you hear it in every room upstairs.

I know loads swear by controlled crying but I thought it was only meant to last 10 or so days not months. The neighbour is pregnant again so clearly desperate for the little one to self settle but I dunno what to do for my little one?

Leaving a child to scream for hours every night for weeks is absolutely not sleep training that's cruelty.

Sounds very odd the child is crying that long...when I put dd down I leave classical music playing, give her few toys, night light ect. She also has her comforter a rabbit. Maybe they need some tips. Bed shouldn’t be a torture.

It needs to be a place of relaxation, happy safe place.

@EmmaWithTheGreatHair

Ds used to scream and went on to have night terrors, which was absolutely awful. No amount of comforting helped when he was having these night terrors, in fact when we tried to comfort it made him worse. I would t wish those times on my worst enemy. It certainly wasn’t abuse!!

My DS has night terrors too, but they don't last hours and aren't every night...

It also isn’t fair, I did Cc and I would never leave my dd for hours, it’s all timed in minutes. Sitting in the room ect. I did it very gently tho, and started at 6 months before proper anxiety sets in. They’ve left it every late!

What they’re doing is shocking. There’s nothing controlled about telling a screaming toddler to lie down. It’s been going on months so it’s clearly not working. It sounds horrendous for you and your son. No advice and they sound horrible so much sympathy.

@universal83 you sound lovely tbh, I’m sure your NDN are at the end of their tether too.

@EmmaWithTheGreatHair

Ds used to scream and went on to have night terrors, which was absolutely awful. No amount of comforting helped when he was having these night terrors, in fact when we tried to comfort it made him worse. I would t wish those times on my worst enemy. It certainly wasn’t abuse!!

While that must have been awful for you it’s nothing to do with what OP’s neighbours are doing.

Dd used to scream even when I was in the room with her.

I would dread to think that my neighbours would have reported me to ss for dd screaming. She would scream in bed or even if I gave up and brought her downstairs, she would still scream.

No advice apart from approaching the parents or wearing ear plugs.

I second the polite but firm note through the door.

I’m not sure what you could write though...

“I know this will be a very tiring and stressful time for you trying to sleep train your DC however I’m not sure if you realise that the walls are very thin and unfortunately your DC is very much keeping my DC awake until 9/10pm each night”
I really sympathise with your situation but have to ask that you consider trying another method now which does not involve the constant screaming - I have tried to ignore it for months and hold out but for your sake but t really is affecting my child now.

Please let me know if there’s anything I can do and I hope you manage to get some rest”

Not sure what else you can do other than either - directly speak to them or note through the door

Hopefully they are doing the silent / gradual retreat method and it’s not quite as horrific as it sounds through the wall

You could play some really loud music either when the kid is screaming in the rooms they are sitting in. Or early morning. Before that make sure they can hear you say I’m sorry son if you can’t sleep Cos of next door screaming but you gotta wake up now. Hopefully they should get the message

Playing loud music is terrible advice. They're not breaking their tenancy agreement or any noise control laws as a child crying is classed as "living sounds" but you would be because loud music comes under the heading of "nuisance".

I don't think there is a great deal you can do, OP, shitty as the situation may seem. If you put a note through their door there is no guarantee they will stop the sleep training and, regardless of what anyone here thinks, its not something that would meet the thresholds for SS intervention or a letter from the noise control team.

I second the suggestion to get a white noise machine and I know you say you've shuffled your son around a bit but try putting as much furniture against the adjoining wall as possible to further muffle the noise.

Do what my neighbour did. come round and explain. (I doid not do controlled crying though neighbour could not cope with any crying.)

They need to re visit Super nanny, they aren't doing it right. I always thought CC was for under 1 year olds. not two year olds.
They need to know how disruptive it is to your child too.
After so long they need to try something different.

Buy earplugs, use white noise. Only approach your neighbour if it is with genuine kindness and support. Some babies cry more than others, perhaps they are doing all they can. I really feel sorry for the parents and the baby.