School Christmas Cards

[Headsshoulderskneesandtoes00]

A straightforward question really -

AIBU to be a little bit peed off that my 4 year old has been left off the Xmas card list of one or two classfriends because of a parent clique?

Has your child noticed? Or just you?

Yes you’re being ridiculous.

@speakout

Has your child noticed? Or just you?

No just me, she is completely oblivious and gets on well with everyone

No just me, she is completely oblivious and gets on well with everyone

Well there is no real problem then.

The other children haven't snubbed your child, just some grown ups being petty.
You have to develop a thicker skin being a parent to a school child.

It's not obigatory to send a card to every child in the class, and it's also quite difficult for parents to make sure they have remembered everyone if they do try to (I remember checking my list against the names on coat pegs, but that was in the days when parents went into the cloakroom at drop-off). If they're just doing friends, the mums probably don't know exactly who their child plays with - except that they'll know for sure about the ones in their clique - so it would only be if the child says "and one for Jenny too" (and if they're fed up of writing cards, they may not bother).
If your daughter hasn't noticed, there's no need to worry.

Just a voice to say it may not be that sinister. My 5 year old couldn't remember all the names and after a few nights of doing a few at a time became thoroughly fed up. As it's a mixed year group I figured as long as the other kids the same age were included it would be ok but to be honest didn't think too deeply about it.

The whole thing is a faff as the cards need to be quarantined for days. My dc has only received about 4 cards so far but neither of us is too fussed.

It's easy to overthink in these strange times and horrible to feel left out but may not be the case at all

Who gives a fuck. Seriously.

Thanks, I know I am probably being overly sensitive! I'm just very much aware of how invisible I feel to some of the mums and It'd be awful if it wasn't a mistake

Why do 5 year olds send cards?

Sorry she is 4! Still...

My son hates writing cards so he only sent to five classmates. I didn't have the energy to argue with him about it.

Did you seriously go through the cards your 4 year old got to work out who snubbed you

@tinytemper66

Sorry she is 4! Still...

It's all new and exciting

You’re being a bit ridiculous OP.

I’ve never insisted my DS send Xmas cards to everyone. He sends them to whoever he wants to. I’d be even more keen to support that stance if he were a girl as I hate the way girls are expected to please everyone regardless.

However, it sounds like the real issue is your feeling of being snubbed.
If you feel invisible you need to take responsibility for becoming more visible.

Initiate conversations. In non-Covid times, I’d recommend offering to help out with a small job when the PTA organises something.

As someone who will talk to any random stranger, initiating conversation isn’t an issue for me. However, it does annoy me slightly that people who are less willing to engage in simple conversation will try to find a way of blaming others for their feelings of exclusion.

The amount of times someone has said ‘it’s alright for you, you make friends easily’ as if I was born this way. My DM was rubbish at socialising so I never had a birthday party and could never invite any school friends home. I’m not even aware of my mum having a single friend outside of her work colleagues, so learning to make friends and socialise is something I’ve had to figure out over the last 3 decades.

If I can do it, so can you!

@mooncakes

Did you seriously go through the cards your 4 year old got to work out who snubbed you

I can't see anywhere within my messages where I said that happened mooncakes, can you?

@BuggerationFlavouredCrisps

You’re being a bit ridiculous OP.

I’ve never insisted my DS send Xmas cards to everyone. He sends them to whoever he wants to. I’d be even more keen to support that stance if he were a girl as I hate the way girls are expected to please everyone regardless.

However, it sounds like the real issue is your feeling of being snubbed.
If you feel invisible you need to take responsibility for becoming more visible.

Initiate conversations. In non-Covid times, I’d recommend offering to help out with a small job when the PTA organises something.

As someone who will talk to any random stranger, initiating conversation isn’t an issue for me. However, it does annoy me slightly that people who are less willing to engage in simple conversation will try to find a way of blaming others for their feelings of exclusion.

The amount of times someone has said ‘it’s alright for you, you make friends easily’ as if I was born this way. My DM was rubbish at socialising so I never had a birthday party and could never invite any school friends home. I’m not even aware of my mum having a single friend outside of her work colleagues, so learning to make friends and socialise is something I’ve had to figure out over the last 3 decades.

If I can do it, so can you!

Thank you so much for advice I gave up initiating conversation with some of them if I'm honest, I'm pretty sure I came across a nutter with my booming hello's in an attempt to get them to look my way haha

I’ve never insisted my DS send Xmas cards to everyone. He sends them to whoever he wants to

@BuggerationFlavouredCrisps. How rude...I've always insisted my dc send cards to no one in the class or everyone. My ds once wanted to not send a card to one particular child in the class but I absolutely wouldn't allow that. Can't believe people think this is ok.

One girl in my dds class once received one card...the one my dd sent her.

Some parents are fucking awful.

Christmas cards should be like parties - the whole class or less than half.

@TeenPlusTwenties

Christmas cards should be like parties - the whole class or less than half.

Parties are expensive, maybe an activity that isn't suitable for 30kids, can't fit all in venue etc...It's slightly different with cards in that it's barely any effort or cost to send cards to the whole class...I got 30cards for 99p. My dd writes ' To Jane From Emma" (names have been changed!) Why not just teach your children manners? Cannot imagine leaving any of the class out.

I have absolutely no idea who my children have received xmas cards from. How do you know she hasn't received a card? You must have actively been checking. Who cares?? They are little and most can't be arsed (or be bribed in to) writing all the cards.

There’s parent cliques already, one term in?? Crikey!!!

I barely know any of the parents yet and my kid is in year 1! But only had half his reception year I guess.

@TeenPlusTwenties

Christmas cards should be like parties - the whole class or less than half.

I can't think of one reason personally where it's acceptable that not everyone is included at such a young age. It's not a very friendly path to be led down

formerbabe My child did the whole class in infants, and then selected friends in juniors. But for some children writing To Balthazar from Amelia-Jane 29 times is a massive task.

@TeenPlusTwenties

formerbabe My child did the whole class in infants, and then selected friends in juniors. But for some children writing To Balthazar from Amelia-Jane 29 times is a massive task.

Yes it can be for them...when my dd couldn't do it, I just wrote them out myself. Seems really petty to not just send them out to everyone.

I think it should be whole class or none, in primary.

I remember picking up ds from his class of 30, when he was in mainstream...other kids shoving armfuls of cards at their mum's and dads, and ds handing me 3 cards (one from the teacher). He knew.